skids not coming to the wedding ??? WTH ???

Forums:

well, we went to look at places to host our wedding. She asked the older two, 17, and 21 if they were coming since they have not said much. They said maybe ! WTH ?? Maybe ?? I don't know what to do or say at this point. It is rather you are happy for us, or against us. I know if this goes down to a head count , soon, it will be hell home if they say they are not coming. Also, do I invite my family if they don't even talk to me ? They still deal with my ex, even after I told them not to !

I'm going to play devil's

I'm going to play devil's advocate, but are you sure marriage is a good idea right now? It appears there are issues with your fiance's children, your exW and your own family. All of these things combined would create such a rocky start to what's supposed to be a happy thing.

I'm not beating you up. I'm only questioning based on my own experiences. We had so many problems because of DH's ex and his child when we got married that we nearly split up 15 months into the marriage. Looking back, I see we should have waited to get married until most of the important issues had been resolved.

we are not waiting. We want

we are not waiting. We want to start a family and time is ticking. We are only going to get one shot at this. No one should control your future. Thanks for being considerate about my feelings.

Blended, No red flags here.

Blended,
No red flags here. I see your point . I have known her for most of my life. Rather you are with us (me and my future wife ) , or you are against us. I am going to take your advise on the tug of war. No more. Yes, I can tell my family not to talk to my ex. Thought blood was thicker, guess that was not my case. Anyway, even though I went through hell with my divorce with the ex ( long story) and have moved on with my life,I am much happier now.

sure, it will be on the beach

I'm not sure how big of a

I'm not sure how big of a wedding you plan on but I think if my family weren't supporting me and her kids aren't very supportive then I might opt for a smaller, more intimate kind of ceremony.

On the other hand, I would be very hurt if my children did not show me at least enough respect to put a nice face on and attend my wedding. I would probably be telling them that I expect them there as my children whether they want to be or not. As parents we give give and give more for our kids to be happy, it seems like a small concession for them to make. You might have some success if you approach them and said to them that you understand they aren't thrilled with the idea but that it would mean a lot to their mother and you would like them to give it a lot of thought FOR HER.

Above, I totally agree with

Above, I totally agree with you. She is their only parent. What would happen if she (god forbid ) was gone ? Even if they show, would they be sad and destroy the day ?

sounds to me like they need a

sounds to me like they need a nice old fashioned ass whipping. just saying

maybe your wedding should be

maybe your wedding should be just for you and her and get a way alone, togehter and let them deal with on their own terms.

yes,they can eat pb&j

yes,they can eat pb&j sandwitches, while we are on a sandy beach drinking and having fun.

That's the spirit !

Well, I am going to try and

Well, I am going to try and reach my family this week and going to have another talk to her skids. I am going to give it another try, but, the question is, how many times to get let down ?

"but, the question is, how

"but, the question is, how many times to get let down ?"
----------------------------------------------------
Only as many as you allow. DH & I got married in September. Skids were invited & told DH they wanted to come on the condition that BM & her boyfriend would be invited as well. DH's answer was absolutely not. They chose not to come. He didn't continue to ask. He didn't push over & over to change their minds. He didn't demand they attend to support him. What's the use??? The people who showed up showed up to support us. If skids can't be supportive, what's the point in them being there? They're adults. The choice is theirs. They've made it. Leave it alone.

Same with your family. Invite them if you'd like to have them there. If they choose to support you, they'll be there. If not, they won't.

Sounds like you're wanting to demand everyone's well-wishes. It'd be nice, but given your situation, it's hardly practical.

Enjoy the guests who come. Enjoy your day. Don't worry about who is & isn't there. You & your STB wife are the only ones who MUST be there for it to be an incredible day.

It really is true. We would

It really is true. We would have loved to have the skids there in support of us, but it was THEIR choice to make. Honestly, had they showed up out of obligation, I'd have rathered they not be there. It's a day to celebrate. I'd have been pissed if they'd showed up & spent the night walking around with sour expressions on their faces & crappy attitudes.