how do I explain that she needs to make time for just her and I? Is this feasible?
Forums:
she and I have love. I dearly love her daughter. But neither one seems to ever want to include me in their things: movies, walks, going outside to watch the sunset, visiting friends& family...
this week I have spent three hours with her, at the darnt store.
I wanted a family, but it seems that what I got was a family to observe. I know that they need time together, but when do I fit in?
I don't really have any great
I don't really have any great answers for you, just saw that you're new and wanted to say hello and welcome. I can tell you that I felt excluded at times when SO and his son would naturally do everything together - but it did get better with time. I think a lot of people have felt that way.
L
thank you, and I work out of
thank you, and I work out of the home (writer), and spend a LOT of time alone anyway, so to be "set aside" just agitates my isolation.
I am very good with the young lady, she likes me, but I can also read her desire for alone time, which I do my best to give. But it gets exhausting to give give and not recieve as much.
By the way, she is only three, and spends the days with her grandparents.
ps:where do I find a list of the abreviations? What is SO?
It does get exhausting to
It does get exhausting to give and not to receive as much - and that only gets better if you find a way to be ok with it. Personally I think that's what parenting is all about. That's hard enough when it's your bio child, but even harder for a stepparent, who doesn't have the chemical bond or even the moral obligation towards the child. At the end of the day, for me, I gave a lot and I did it by choice, because the opportunity came my way and it was the right thing to do. It *was* exhausting. But I'm not sorry I did it.
(SS15 has recently moved out of our house after being here 100% of the time for the past 6 years. So I'm going through an adjustment period.)
As far as the abbreviations, there's an "FAQ" link in the left navigation bar, toward the top. "SO" is "significant other." I refer to my guy that way because we're not officially, legally married.
I think you'll find a lot of people on here who can relate to the various things you go through as a stepparent. And a few who seem to take pleasure in instigation. Overall it's a good place to feel less alone.
L
I don't know much about your
I don't know much about your situation but could it be that they just have routines and aren't aware that they are excluding you? It must be hard to blend into a mother/daughter bonding. Especially if they have been without anothe adult in the home for a long time. I exepect that if the BM in my situation were to ever date he would feel very much like you do. BM and SD are very intertwined.
Maybe starting to interject yourself into these outings would draw attention to it. Asking "do you mind if I join you?" "Can we plan a date night?" "I'd like to have a nice 'family' dinner, game/movie night".
It sounds like your wife needs to be reminded to make your relationship a priority. Hope this helps.
thanks
thanks
I'm hip. One of my biggest
I'm hip. One of my biggest hold-ups right now is that when I do voice my opinion, it becomes (much to my dismay, and far from my explanation) a Me vs. SD kinda thing, and that is the furthest from my heart. I want share SO's love and attention, not harbor it.
But I will not be able to be either or much longer. If nothing else, it would not be fair to their lives. As it is not fair to mine.