You are here

BM "bans" me from dropping off SKids...then changes her mind.

geeps's picture

Submitted by geeps on Tue, 06/22/2010 - 2:04pm

Forums: 
General Discussion

So BM (who sees SD4's EOWE and Wednesdays) got angry with me the last time I dropped of the girls because I wasn't able to change the time (at the last minute) she had already given us a drop off time. She saw this as an opportunity to vent on me, saying DH and I were acting like children, DH was a bad father, we are so inflexible (we have been nothing but flexible with her) and that she had never committed to the meeting time. When I said I didn't appreciate being told I was acting like a child, she told both me and DH I was no longer allowed to pick up or drop off the SD's. Fine by me, but I knew it wouldn't be long before she changed her mind.

Less than a week later when she finds out DH will be working Wednesday mornings so she will have to pick the girls up early before he leaves or drive up to his work to get them (which is quite a drive), she says "why can't SM (me) just drop them off". Lol! He reminds her of how she "banned" me from pick up/drop offs and she claims she never said that, despite the fact that she sent it to him in an email. He forwarded her the email and she claimed she didn't "mean it that way". Now she has to get up early to get the girls and somehow is able to once again blame me for being inflexible.

I just think it is funny how fast she changes her mind when it suits her needs.

geeps's picture

Submitted by geeps on Tue, 06/22/2010 - 2:24pm

I'm definitely not giving in on this!

If I did, this would become an endless back and forth of her making demands then retracting them at her convenience.

stepmasochist's picture

Submitted by stepmasochist on Tue, 06/22/2010 - 3:28pm

I love it!!! Hope she enjoys those early morning drives on Wednesday. Let's hope every single time she has to do it she'll being replaying those stupid words of hers over and over and over again.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 06/22/2010 - 4:34pm

Not her call on whether you pick up or drop off he kids. BioDad can arrange pick up and drop off as he sees fit. It is his time.

We learned this when we had an issue with pick up and drop off early in our marriage. We had an issue with BioDad never picking up the kid or dropping him off. He used to send his GrandFather (the Skids GGF) to pick the kid up and even some random people he would buy a ticket for.

We had issue with it and took him to court. We lost. The Judge ammended the original Court Order to say "both parties will be flexible in arranging and accomodating visitation travel including transportation by the grandparents". We had no issue with GGF, we had an issue with unrelated "friends" flying to pick up the kid. The usual Moron in a Black Robe that tend to serve in Family Court completely missed what we were seeking clarification on and focused on the GrandParents providing transportation and not the "random stranger" issue we were concerned about.

This is the only loss we have ever had in court.

So, I would say BM has absolutely no say in who picks up or drops off he Skids for visitation. I would inject some control in this situation by adopting the perspective that you or Dad will pick them up for visitation and BM will get them when visitation is done.

We had to have this clarified in court because BioDad and SpermGrandMa were under the mistaken impression that travel was on my wife's time. The judgement was clear "Visitation will begin upon commencement of travel. The child must be returned to (my wife) on the final day of visitation no later the time that travel/visitation began" ...... "each party is reponsible for the transportation of the child from the childs location to that parties location".

They pay to get him, and we pay to get him back.

This also gives us some leverage. When they get stupid we tell them that we will buy a one way ticket rather than splitting a round trip. This often puts the price of visitation travel above what they can afford so they don't take visitation. We have not played this card often but have played it when they get lippy with my wife. It usually only takes a reminder of this for them to step back in to line and be reasonably pleasant.

Good luck and best regards.