This isn't a situation where anyone can say one way or the other but it "feels wrong" to me.

You'd be better off doing one of the following:

1. Entire family goes on vacation.

2. EACH PARENT goes on a vacation with their sKids only. You with her kids, her with yours. Would give y'all a chance to bond and work through the feelings that there isn't a connection between the skids and SPs.

3. You and the wife go alone and work on your relationship.

My personal favorite "kinda nutty but kinda cool" option is #2.

I damned sure wouldn't go on vacation with my kids and leave hers at home. Man if your relationship is fractured right now that would smash whatever is left...

I disagree. Why can't he spend time with his kids alone. She should do the same. They can still have the other vacation all together. As for oyur suggestion about the Skids; I would not be allowed to do that according to their custody order. He may have the same first right of refusal clause.

1- Please, don't call her, "my new wife" she is simply YOUR WIFE!!!
2- I don't know you or her or any of your relationships with kids/skids but I would never, ever want to do that. In my case, I would either:

A) GO on Vacation WITH KIDS
GO ON Vacation WITHOUT kids.

I would just throw the "kids" (step and bio) into the same category.

If you want, you could also go out and spend a day with your daughters, but I certainly would HATE if my husband took SD on a vacation and not me or my son.

What bothers me more, is what really goes on in your mind for you to take a vacation without her. I would be extremely hurt if my husband said to me that he will be gone for a few days without me, actually i don't ever picture him doing that.

By the way, I would think (coming from someone who is not an expert) that you are truly showing the kids that it isn't really a family unit, it is just two families that live together.

If you already have a family vacation planned & it will only be for a weekend then i see nothing wrong with it. I think "date nights" and some time alone are important in families - blended or not! About 2 -3 times a year i take my BD along with my best friend and her daughter and we have a girls weekend & i leave BF home with skids. I wouldn't do it for more than say 5 days. It has worked out good for us & sometimes a break is nice. As far as me taking the skids w/o BF -- i am not allowed as they too have the right of refusal clause.

The children comment a lot that they don’t get enough alone time with either of us because the step parent and step siblings take up so much of their focus

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is this true or are they just trying to cause problems?? since you mentioned there is no "fondness" for either sp

My husband takes his girls on vacation without me and my boys... and vice versa.

I love it.

It's less expensive and leaves me with one and one time with my boys too.

We take family trips as well ~ although with 5 kids, it doesn't always FEEL like a vacation.

Your wife is getting her feelings hurt because she feels left out. Help her soothe that feeling and I bet she won't be so skeptical about it.

She doesn't work outside the home
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I think it would be unfair if you did not offer to send her and her kids on the same type of vacation that you and your kids are taking.

I love my little vacations away from DH and SS. And DH and SS have done the same. Actually, they went camping last year, just the two of them for bonding time.

Maybe your wife feels left out and since she does not work, maybe she thinks she would not be able to afford a vacation...?

I think that time with 'bio families' is essential and healthy as long as its equitable and not all that happens.

DH started doing this and it split up our family. Now DH and I are separating. I agree with someone above, take them out to dinner or something, I wouldn't do a separate vacation.

Your problem lies in the definition of "the right thing to do" and here is your issue:

There IS NO RIGHT WAY to do this. It HAS to be determined between the folks involved, therefore, when you disagree, you dont go out and take a poll! Getting other people "on your side" will not win over your spouse.

You have no choice but to come to an agreement/compromise with your spouse. The kids should not have any say in it whatsoever. The adults should tell the kids what they decide. The result may not be exactly what either of you wanted.

Sorry its not better than that, but that's the truth.

Since my answer was so much different than everyone else's I sat and thought and thought and thought about this and a new idea just hit me like a missile:

What's OKAY, is what your WIFE thinks is okay and what makes HER comfortable. If you're going to be married, as long as what she is asking of you is reasonable, and I think asking for joint vacations is reasonable, you owe it to your wife to be a teammate and do the best you can.

Just my thought... You can have fun with the girls with the other kids around too, and if it means that much to your wife, just swallow it and do what makes her happy.

Seems like there is a bigger problem than just wether or not you vacationing with your biological children is ok. You should be able to spend time with your kids, as long as there is a balance between the alone time and the time as a family.

I don't see anything wrong with you wanting to have some father/daughter time with your girls. I know I would LOVE it if DH would take SD for a weekend, just the 2 of them. I have suggested it actually *blush*. I am the one that spends the most time with SD and so I often push DH to spend quality time with SD, mainly because I need the break and would also like to spend mom/son time with my BS.

As far as your wife concerns, I don't know her or you but I think it is selfish of her not wanting you to spend time with your children. I personally cannot stand SD most of the time, but putting my feelings aside I still believe DH needs to bond with her... it is HIS child after all.

I think it would be wrong if you decide to cancel family time for just your family; but if you are still willing to go on family vacay after a weekend with your kids, all should be cool!! IMHO. Good Luck!!

I see that this is an old post, so who knows if you are still around busydad, and if you are even still married given some of the things you said. Well, if you are still around two months later...did you go on the vacation and exclude your wife and her children? When you called her your "new wife" and then apologized for it, your apology doesn't even matter. The problem is that you think of her that way and didn't even notice when you wrote it.... and after 7 years no less. Why don't you just call her your current wife...implying of course that there will be others down the road. And then you wonder why she feels insecure? And you criticize her for getting upset when you focus on your girls? The difference between the women who respond to your post and say "sure, I would love it if my husband took his kids and gave me and my kids some quality time alone," and those who are totally opposed is one thing, the man. A man who makes his wife feel loved and considered and valued has a wife who is secure and happy and still feels that way whether or not he is on vacation. A woman who does not have her needs met by her partner is going to feel very insecure. That's your fault! I hope you see the irony in your post. You say you and your wife are having problems. Then you say that you want to go away with your girls, excluding your wife and her children. Then you say that your wife does not want this to happen. You also mention that you and your wife are working on your issues. Are you kidding? You are not working on anything except making your wife feel less valued and less secure and less loved and you are working on heading for divorce court. Maybe that is what you would prefer as it would give you more quality time with your girls without your wife there to get in the way. If you are going to experience one of life's little joys, a vacation, and would prefer your wife NOT to be there, maybe you should ask why you are with her at all. Anyway, as many responders already said, your question itself has no right or wrong answer. In your case though, you are having problems in your marriage, your wife obviously needs attention from you that she isn't getting, she doesn't want you to go off on a vacation that further excludes her, so in your case, the answer is very clear. It would be wrong of you to go. I think you have many issues to think about and figure out before you worry about vacation. Your problems lie much deeper. As a previous poster said, and I totally agree, if you care about your marriage and your future with your wife, leave the kids at home and take your wife somewhere she wants to go, and remind her why you married her in the first place! She needs that from you.

A family vacation is coming up and I do not want to go. The only sensitive subject is that is may hurt your skids if any of them do look to you as a father figure. It may solidify the feeling that you are not.

I think that would be a great idea, to rebuild the bond between you and your children, aswell as have a break from the others which is probably partly what you all need. -Even if nobody is willing to admit it. I have taken my own daughter away camping without my partner and it has been lovely to just focus on her. I sometimes think that it doesnt happen often enough because my relationship, work, and trying to muddle through the whole step parenting thing has gotten in the way at times. Its not always easy to strike a fair balance.

My partner and I are not living together yet, but we both agree that it will be important that when we do, we also make time to just do things seperatly with our own children as well as as a family unit.

Defo do the trip and have a great time.

Um just seen the date on this post, youve prob done this already (or not) ah well .... you have my two pence worth anyway