Please help...I hate Father's Day
I need guidance on this one! I know it sounds awful, but I resent Father's Day around my house. Father's Day is treated so differently than Mother's Day. I am not a biological parent, just a stepmom to SD6 and SD9. I will admit right now it is out of jealousy and that is where you come in...I need help! When Mother's Day comes along I NEVER get the same amount of attention from my SD's that my DH gets. I know that these girls are his biological daughter's, but I am forced, BY HIS ENTIRE FAMILY, to love and treat these girls like my own, so I do. (quick background info - BM is in the picture, but my mother in law likes to act like she's not, and that I am the mom) Last year I was in charge of getting a Father's Day gift for my DH from his BD's, so I bought something for them to give him. I guess my mother in law didn't like what her son received last year, so she took it upon herself to make sure the girls made TONS of stuff for their daddy this year. They have never made me anything. I don't know how to get over the jealousy. I KNOW that I will not be treated as special because I am not their BM, and I don't know how to get over it. This morning I noticed my DH has a new keychain on his keys. It was something his oldest daughter (my SD) made him yesterday while she and her younger sister were making their daddy father's day gifts. Let me tell you...it set me off...and I don't know why. I mean, I know it's because I'm jealous...but why? Can anyone give me advice. Please don't tell me how childish I am being or criticize me. I truly want to understand why I feel this way...why am I so jealous? :?
I know how you feel. Father's
I know how you feel. Father's Day is always a pisser for me, as biodad to NOBODY.
Here's the best way to look at it: You love him. You want him to be happy. Go all out on Father's Day as an expression of YOUR LOVE for him and the skids, and know that it's okay if Mother's Day isn't treated the same because in the long run the way they treat Mother's Day is about who THEY are, not about who YOU are.
It's like Christmas. If I get NOTHING that I would like and really basically not much of anything at all, that's okay because I give expensive, lavish gifts, on which I work hard to make sure everybody gets something COOL and something they really want/need/will love, and I'm glad to do it and I really don't care what I get in return. The effort I put into it is about who I am as a person.
That's the way to look at Father's Day. Bust your ass because it will make you feel good to know that YOU have done the right thing and went above and beyond. If they don't reciprocate, well, that's their loss. One day they'll all look back and think "man, smpfrogs78 really worked overtime to make sure Father's Day was all it could be... I wish I had done the same for her."
"I am confused" that is great
"I am confused" that is great advice! It is better to give thoughtfully than to receive.
This will be my first father's day with my fiance and SDs 7, 15, 17. :?
smpfrogs78 I struggle with
smpfrogs78 I struggle with jealousy issues too and I find that the strangest little things seem to provoke me. I think we will overcome this with time.
I guess I really dont have
I guess I really dont have any idea why you feel jealous? Other than the fact that you dont have kids of your own? So like, he gets to celebrate "being a parent" and you dont?
I personally dont Want any acknowledgement whatsoever regarding SS, but I dont do anything parently for him AND I have my own kids. I hate Father's Day too (other post) but for different reasons...I cant stand it that my kids have to share their special Daddy Day.
Sometimes I wonder if I could ever HAVE feelings like you have towards SK's...so if you ever figure it out, do tell! Funny...you wish you could get rid of the feelings, and my DH wishes I could somehow GET some feelings and give a rats ass about the kid?! haha I'm starting to think it's just in our internal wiring or something. It's just there or it's not.
Hi, I just read your bio and
Hi,
I just read your bio and see that your skids are young. So - you need to help them celebrate Father's Day. You can teach them how to give and what rewards there are in giving. I also saw that you are expecting your first child - so having a special Mother's Day is not too far away.
I was always ignored on Mother's Day - with the exception of my wonderful MIL. I give myself that day as a present. Treat yourself to a day off - no houseweork, go get a mani-pedi or whatever makes you happy. That should lessen the resentment and the jealously. Sometimes - if I just acknowledged that I was resentful or jealous - it helped me deal with it. We're human, we make mistakes and we can change and grow.