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A question for the BMs out there...

Trying_To_Move_Forward_'s picture

Submitted by Trying_To_Move_... on Tue, 06/15/2010 - 8:44pm

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Next month my husbands child's mother and their son is coming up to see us. His birthday is around the corner. We went out and bought somethings despite our money troubles. I was kinda excited. I love buy presents especially for little kids! I have one of my own. I was excited telling my best friend who has been going through this hard ordeal with me since day one. She said "Michelle, not to hurt your feelings but she will never be happy. It will never be good enough." SO that kind of popped my bubble. My questions is do you think it will be appreciated? I'm not saying grateful like kiss my feet. But appreciated? The BM told me he needed summer clothes and some of his interested. So I bought some cute summer clothes and some Spongebob stuff.

geeps's picture

Submitted by geeps on Wed, 06/16/2010 - 7:52am

I think it will be appreciated and if it isn't then at least you know you made the effort to be polite and caring. I have a cordial relationship with my SKids BM and she has always appreciated things like that from me. I think it's awesome! Go for it...

Gestalt's picture

Submitted by Gestalt on Wed, 06/16/2010 - 8:59am

I think it will be appreciated by both mom and kiddo. I think it's great that mom told you about what kiddo likes, then you were sure to get the right thing. The only thing I would keep in mind is, kids are very attuned to not hurting their parents feelings, so even if kiddo is over the moon about what you got him he might not actually do physical backflips because he wouldn't want to make mom feel bad (even if she wouldn't). It's weird how everyone in these situations perceives everyone else and how those perceptions influence so much.

I am confused's picture

Submitted by I am confused on Wed, 06/16/2010 - 12:00pm

1. It's a good thing for the kid whether anyone appreciates it or not. That should be enough.

2. It will make you feel good knowing you did something good.

3. It will show BM that you are a decent egg, and whether she shows any appreciation or not she'll have to realize that you're trying...

4. It will show your H that you are a good-hearted person and he's really the person whose opinion should matter.

All in all I think you did a good thing and no matter the reaction you can sleep well at night knowing you tried...

Good job.