Oh girl. .I'm in the EXACT situation and would LOVE to talk about it with you. I have been dating a divorced man for over a year. he has two children. a 2 year old girl and 6 year old boy and we get them once a week and every other weekend..but 8 weeks out of the summer..him and his ex switch roles..and starting this week- we have them full time..and I feel like I'm in over my head!

I am a step mom of two with no children of my own. Even though my step kids are good kids, it's because of them or should i say, because they need to be taken care of both emotionally AND financially, that we can't afford to have any more children. My DH doesn't understand this and wants to start a family..i don't. He eventually wants his children to come live with us. I would lose my mind taking care of 2 children plus a baby and clean up after everyone. Don't rush into it...believe me.

I am right there with you, my partner has two boys SS5 and SS4, I do not plan on having kids of my own. I completely understand about loving a child you have no rights to. It is scary to me that I have been with the boys since they were in diapers and if something happened to my relationship or my partner I would have no rights. We are both women so until laws change, I will never have any rights with them. We have them the majority of the time and I spend a lot of my time parenting them and I love them to pieces but it is sad when they prefer their biological parents, I am learning to accept that. The 4 year old told me two days ago that his loving me went from medium to large love but he can't help that he loves his mom as big as a giant, he just does.

I know exactly how you feel! My boyfriend of 3 years has two kids with his CRAZY exwife. We get them most the time and ive spent so much time teaching, loving, supporting, ect. only to feel alone. Not to mention their mom is a LOSER but they hang on every lie out of her mouth. Its hard cause i feel robbed of my perfect family. And when i do have kids i feel like hes already been there done that. Its just hard and alot of time i feel like i cant handle the stress of the ex and the kids BUT my boyfriend is amazing and he just made a BAD decision when he was younger.

Hey Fluff ... I am in your situation, too, and also close to fourty (just on the other side, lol.) I have been thinking about it this weekend ... it is hard not being a Mommy on your own ... it's way different being a step parent than a biological Mom. Write me anytime, too ... take care.

I know just how you feel. When my FH and i started dating...the girls were just 2 and 4. We're damned if we do and we're damned if we don't in all scenarios it seems. We can never have a child of our own...we probably won't even beable to get married...how are we suppose to support a child? The children receiving CS are first in the court's eyes...sure- BM can have extra babies...while we get put off. I'm delirious it's been a long day and it's late- if you'd like to vent...message me.

I am in this situation too. I recently married the beat man in the world who has twin ss5. I have no children and love these little boys so much. Their mom is nuts and mean and obsessive and just awful to my husband. It kills me to have to pretend she's the great mom she pretends to be. The boys love me but it hurts to hear them say they miss their mom or tell us all that they have at their house(bought by their dad. BM has never worked and still doesn't). It's just hard to feel so much love but know that it will never be enough.

I know. It's hard to share the unique joys and sorrows of step-parenting with either group of friends (the haves and have-nots) and know they understand. It's one of the many things in life you have to experience before you truly understand. You're not alone out there. As for the I miss my mom thing just remember what I told my SD the first time she felt that way. "It's normal to miss the people we love when they're not with us" It doesn't mean they don't love you or even that they're unhappy. I'm 30 something and I still miss my mom and my sister and all the other friends and family I can't be with sometimes.

I am in the same boat as you. My BF has 2 kids and same with all my friends, every single one of them have at least 1 kid and no step kids. It sucks becuase they don't understand and I don't fit in anywhere.

I was right where you are a little over a year ago. We have recently gotten married and pregnant...so it is changing. Now I have the "what if he treats our baby differently than he treats his first set of children" syndrome. I think this is very difficult and find myself more sensitive than I usually have been. I feel left out many times and really like his ex wife and his children not only get all of his money but most of his attention too. I would say be honest with him. If you feel a certain way..try and talk it out. It helps when you are trying to make a life together to be honest and open.

I feel so lucky to have found this site. I found my dream man 3 years ago who has 3 kids by 2 ex-wives. Part of what makes him so dreamy is he has full-custody of the kids because their moms just didn't want to parent, and one of those kids isn't even biologically his. Unfortunately, that makes it all the more painful for me -- he's such a great dad and a great guy, but he doesn't want more children, and I have none of my own. It's like an unbelievable cosmic joke.... If I had a biological child, it would be his oldest daughter: she is like a mini-me. So that too is a challenge -- I have a favorite step-child who openly wishes I was her real mom. Not that the other 2 aren't good kids, but they start every sentence with "Mommy says..." AAARRRRGGGG!!! Yeah, the mommy who can have you pretty much whenever she wants, but only drives the whole 10 miles to see you about 2 times a month? That mommy? I find myself irrationally angry that he had children with those horrible women but won't with me, and then guilty that I even get upset about it....it's overwhelming...

Ditto for me. I love my bf's boys and they are amazing but at the end of the day the love and help I could provide them falls into mommy's hands. I am one of the lucky ones I suppose in that I put my intentions of having my own children someday out there in the beginning. Its always been my dream ands my bf feels the same. He loves his boys and would rather them be here but wants to have more So he can have the family he has worked his whole life for... its difficult to see my friends having babies and I am not considered a parent but I feel very much like a mom eow. *sigh* its an uphill battle and the good moments make of all worth while.

I am right there with you. Hubby has 2 from his first marriage, I get along great with the BM (in fact, I'd almost call her my friend), I don't plan on ever having my own kids (and DH is happy with that), and I totally love my skids (SS15 and SS10). But, when the SS10 gets so much on my nerves that I want to strangle him, such feelings are either batted away or chastised. That's why I love this site so much!! I don't have to be blind to the faults of my skids the way BM and DH are, but I can still love them. I can get those negative feelings out in this forum without feeling like the wicked witch of the west. Love it!!

Wow, people in the same situation as me.

Found plenty of step parents on this site with issues but they all seemed to have their own biological children as well. Was beginning to think I was a bad person for choosing not to procreate and stuff. xx

I, too, am a step mom without bio kids. I can't decide if I want to have a bio kid of my own though. DH and I have a great relationship with SS's bio mom. SS and I have an amazing relationship too. We have him 50% of the time and I've been around since he was 2, so it's not like I don't know what it's like to have a crying, sick child. But again, I don't know if I want to have my own. DH doesn't want any more kids, but is willing to have one, if I decide I really do want one. I just don't know what to do! I just can't imagine living the rest of my life without hearing, "I love you, mommy!" When DH asks WHY I want to have one, I have no good answer! I don't know WHY I want one. I just think that I do. Ugh. Help?

Hello. New here, just signed up today actually. But I felt I had to reading your post. I am not married, but he and I plan on it in the future. He has 3 kids from a previous marriage. It's deffinetly new territory for me-as I never dated anyone with kids before. Wish I would have found this site sooner-as we have been together for 2 years now, it would have been helpful to get others perspective.

He and I do not plan to have any children together-and I have none of my own. For me, hearing "I miss mom" or "I'm so bored, there's nothing to do here" stings a little....but I keep in mind-they are kids. I was perpetually bored at their ages lol. And ya, I'm sure they will miss their mom....but-it's also great hearing "Will you come tuck me in?" And "night, I love you". His children are sweet and little things like that warm my heart.

Looking forward to making some new friends and being able to confide in/commiserate with others who can understand my situation!

I have no kids myself, and never wanted them.
After my divorce though, with all the men in my age group having roughly a 90% chance of coming with kids, I had to decide what age group was I going to be ok with.
1) No babies and no toddlers. I don't have the patience for that.
2) No teenagers.
Then I met DP and it was great, he had 2 daughters, 7 and 9.
It's worked out for the most part very well with some "issues" that come up now and then. Mostly it's ok because I am quite outspoken about what I will handle and what I will not.

IMHO you have to avoid the discussion of not loving or not liking your partners kids. Focus kid related discussions on behaviors and avoid feelings.

"You don't love/like my kid" abdicates any reasonable discussion regarding your parents kids for the duration of the relationship. He no longer has to discuss anything kid related with you since you don't care for his children.

So, keep the focus on your relationship, your equity life partnership, and being equity parents to any children in your home regardless of kid biology.

This worked wonders for my bride and I. I have no spawn and SS-22 is an only child in our home and marriage and has been since we met when he was 15mos old an my bride and I married the week before he turned 2yo. I actually care very much for my Skid and even love him. There were times when I could not stand him but sticking to discussion of his behaviors rather than how much I disliked him at those times allowed my wife and I to remain a team and focus on resolving issues rather than being distracted by emotion.

I would suggest that you give that try. You don't have to love your partners kids but there really is no reason to tell him you don't love them.

I completely understand the frustration and even heart break over a kid that you care for or even love rejecting you for your biological parent equivelent. I dealt with that by affirming the kids desire "I know you miss and want (DickHead's first name). But... this is your mom's time and my time so lets focus on that right now." Lather, rinse, repeat. I stayed on message. If it was particularly difficult I would ask him if he wanted to call DickHead. He never did. Invariably SS's infrequenct lamenting not seein his Sperm Clan followed a particularly manipulative last visitaiton.

As a Sparent you do not have any legal rights. But, you can take any right you want when the Skids are in your home or otherwise with you. So, do what you wish with them during their time in your home. Keep them focused on that rather than missing BM.

Overall it sounds as if things are pretty good in your blended family adventure.