I think your BF is crossing the line. After all, she does have a boyfriend to call and help her. You need to let your BF know that this is unacceptable with you and it makes you feel disrespected. The only responsibility your BF has is sharing the upbringing of their child and that's it. You have to let him know how you feel.

Run and Run like hell! BM is using the kid as a tool to meet her pathetic needs. He wont sever that relationship as long as he has boundary issued with his BD and those are obviously boundary. What else is BM manipulating him about? I'm sure there are plenty of issues you don't know about. Red Flag.... Great Big RED FLAG!

Boundaries. Sounds like neither BM nor your BF have established boundaries. I dealt with the same situation when DH and I started dating 3 years ago. "For the sake of SS" they remained more than civil and even did things together with SS even though they were divorced. They didn't realize that while their intentions were good, that this is the worst thing they could have done as it left SS thinking that they were still an intact family and that I'm sure he thought that maybe they might get back together. Then when I came along and put my foot down, I of course looked like the reason why "mommy and daddy" would never get back together etc. My DH was doing stuff like your BF was. Paying for her car insurance when he was under no obligation to do so, taking her calls at all hours to "help" her with matters not relating to SS etc. My DH really didn't think it was a big deal until I had him read a particular book on how to conduct yourself post divorce when there are children involved. I had to go there because BM was upset that I wouldn't let DH (then BF) go with her and SS to see an old college friend of hers. Neither of them saw how inappropriate that was to exclude me and parade around like an intact family when that was not the case. My advice to you is to have a talk with him about boundaries. From what I've read, kids of all ages have fantasies of their parents getting back together so it's especially important, for the kids' sake, to lead separate lives and have a civil relationship limited to the parents being in the role of just that, parents, nothing more.

I think ex-husbands think that somehow they're coming to the rescue to save their kids from a horrible situation like not having a car when they do things like this. I don't think it's his job to help her with her car. Now, can you tell me why my husband thought it was his job to help his ex-wife fix her computer?

I experienced this for several years with DH when skids went to live with BM. We live about 2 1/2 hours from her & she would call on a whim with some kind of emergency. He went to fix her propane heater because she was scared to light the pilot light. Even after DH explained to her that the tank would not explode, she couldn't bring herself to do it herself. He has rushed to her home to "inspect" her new used vehicle to make sure it was safe for skids to ride in. If she was uncertain of its safety, why had she already purchased it, & why should he make a 2 1/2 hour drive to look at it rather than her taking it up the road to a mechanic? He has fixed her leaky plumbing in a rental home, which the landlord is legally responsible for. It pissed me off because she would call on a whim, & he was out the door. I reminded him my car was due for an oil change & 2 weeks later I mentioned I would just take it & pay the $30 to have it done. He insisted he'd do it to save the money & I drove it another 2 weeks before I just stopped somewhere & had it done. Thankfully it doesn't happen anymore. After several ugly rounds in court he's realized all she'd have to do is ask him to do lift the hood on her vehicle & she'd run it off the road & have him in court for trying to kill her. I think it's perfectly acceptable for DH or BF to recommend a mechanical shop, a home repair contractor, a handyman...whatever, & BM can take it from there. I personally see no need for DH or BF to be at BM's beck & call.

I can see that VERSED has a point there... }:)

If you, like the rest of us, chose to stick around and not run for the hills then you and DH have a long curvy, bumpy road ahead and it seems like you haven't even started, you are just putting your seatbelts on and pulling off.

DH needs some boundaries in both the BM area and Daughter Area. I understand how you feel about him catering to every need and being lovey-dovey, etc... Right now I am very comfortable with the way DH treats SD6. Major things that I could not stand are far gone (have been for about a year now) including kissing on the lips, calling her "baby" and others of course. He is still a sweet dad, but recognizes that I am first in his life. And this took some work from my part, it didn't happen over night.

I also understand the not setting boundaries with BM, and the thing is that these men "think" they have to cater to BM's need, as if doing so, would mean to cater to the kids. WRONG!!!

I am trying to put myself in your shoes, and think about how I would have truly felt if BM had called DH to pick them up. And this is what I have to say: #1, i would have wanted to pick them up TOGETHER. No way she is going to sit next to my husband. #2, only after making sure that her boyfriend wasn't available to pick them up. That being said, I think that fixing her battery for her is a little bit too much FOR ME. This is why: If he was to said, he is just doing her a favor and being somewhat civil, fine. But saying that SD will be deprived from rides is just sickening, grow some balls. So if BM needs a new car, would he help her buy one so SD can have rides to events and activities? I mean, where do you say that is enough?

Same situation for me too. DH once left me on a date, near the beginning of our relationship, because BM called him because she was out of milk. He saw it as something he had to do for the kids. It took him a long time to get over it. There is a lot of guilt laid on these fathers for the break up of the relationship, but even more so for the kids. BM constantly, constantly, constantly tells, implies, shows and any other way to put it that DH is a "bad dad." And, for awhile, he had what I called "bad dad syndrome," trying to make up for all that bs from her.

Kids would sleep in the bed, etc. I moved in, it had to stop. Actually, I had it stop before I moved in. So, he switched to snuggle time with the kids first in the bed, to read books, then they would have to go to their own bed, then we got it down to snuggle time on the futon. Taking steps like this and giving him encouragement that he is a good dad even if he does't give in to her is the only way to do it.

And, the best part is, this is the right way! I know because we had to go through a child custody evaluation and BM said that I was harming the parenting relationship, the evaluator said I actually made it much healthier and better for the kids by helping establish these boundaries and giving DH more confidence and encouraging him to take an active role instead of just giving in to whatever BM said. I hope that still rings in her ears!

BM asked DH to fix her brakes yesterday. He said, I am not going to fix your brakes. When he came home and told me that......I was like WHAT??? That was our chance are you crazy?????????
Lol.....just joking.....