Is my wife babying my SS too much
He is thirteen, he has pretty bad asthma and allergies, he takes steroids through a breathing machine whenever he has asthma flareups, which usually only happens after a campfire or something like that. other than that he takes a couple pills and an inhaler everynight. He doesn't have problems with running or walking or anything affecting his asthma.
The other day he had a glass skillet outside giving his dog some leftovers and started tapping it on a bench, of course it shattered so I told him to pick it up. well he scratched himself on the wrist and it bled pretty good. I told him to wrap it in a rag and put some pressure on it and it will stop bleeding. She saw it and rushed him to the emergency room, only to get sent home with a band aid.
She won't let him walk home from school like 6 blocks away( we live in a very small town), she makes him after school snacks, when I work nights he sleeps in our bed, because he doesn't like sleeping alone, we give him allowance for ?? not doing chores?? and she still buys him whatever he wants ( I was doing laundry the other day and found $250 dollars in his pocket and she just bought him a wii)what's the point of allowance if she is going to buy him whatever he wants. allowance is supposed to teach you the value of money.
I have seen him make his own food, even cooking on the stovetop when she is not home and its just us. He can totally self sufice but everytime she is around he acts 5. Worst case of mama's boy I have ever seen.
Now I grew up in the country, we were always getting cut scraped, bucked off horses, banged around and rarely went to the emergency room. When we go fishing she makes him were knee high rubber boots cause she's afraid of snakes
Am I too hard or is she creating a baby boy that is gonna live at home forever.
well first of I am a mommy so
well first of I am a mommy so I dont think you want my opinion as much as you would want a mans opinion but here it goes either way lol mothers treat their son's different than fathers do because we don't look at them as "Men" like fathers do we see them as little boys who need love and care like the girls do and Fathers treats their lil boys as grown men, they dont want them to cry, they dont baby them, they want them to dress and act like grown men and in my opinion that is not right because all u are doing is training them to become lil macho men and NO WOMAN LIKES OR WANTS A MACHO MAN!!! so to not change the subject maybe she babys him a lil but u cant blame her thats her lil man and u cannot come between that... I have a 5yr old boy and he is and will ALWAYS be my baby even if my DH doesnt like that... so just take it easy and dont let it bug you she is just beeing a loving mom... now about the allowance I do agree with you she either buys him the stuff or gives him allowance but not both...
I understand that he is her
I understand that he is her baby and she wants to keep him as such but his BD has never been in his life (they divorced right after he was born) I believe in a healthy balance but he's got 10 years of mommy's attention without a male role model in his life until I came along. I am just trying to play catch up, I guess. He doesn't need to be a macho man but I have 2 and 3 year old nephews that are tougher than he is. The thing that bugs me the most is that he is totally self sufficiant when it's me and him but when she is there he reverts to "baby in a highchair, feed me and change my diaper mama" behavior. Seriously, almost starts crying if she doesn't jump up and do what he asks right away.
shamilton, It certainly
shamilton,
It certainly sounds like she is over babying him and she is doing him no favours by doing so.
Get the book '7 Worst Things Parents Do'. I think number 1 on the list is baby the children.
I agree 100%. I think the reason we have so many young adults unable and unwilling to take responsibility for themselves is because they were over babied all their lives.
Maybe talk to your wife and explain to her that the job of a parent is to prepare our children to be responsible, self-sufficient adults and that by babying them all the time they will never learn. A child who is babied over every little thing never learns to cope with life's disappointments, may become a nervous, anxious and depressed adult and will probably never be able to take anything in stride. This is not good and I think signifies a failure as a parent.
I have grown children who I taught to do things for themselves from the beginning. Children who are independent are much happier than children who have been kept dependent and who have been babied. All their lives my children were able to handle disappointments that would send a lot of their friends into crying jags or temper tantrums. Plus I knew my children had a good head on their shoulders and were much better equipped to handle out of the ordinary situations, whether I was there to help them or not.
I am now living in a culture where children are over babied to the point of it being ridiculous.
My 17 year old is very responsible. I am comfortable letting her go off to music festivals for a weekend and similar things because I KNOW that she is experienced and smart enough to take care of herself in most any situation that is likely to arise. Most of the other parents I know of children that age would never let their children do the same and rightfully so because those children have been babied all their lives and now, at 17, they are unequipped to care for themselves in ANY situation. They don't have the coping skills to say no to drugs or alcohol or to any sleezy strangers they may meet. The parents of these children have no one to blame but themselves.
Over babying is child abuse, the affects of which last a lifetime.
Yes, your wife babies your
Yes, your wife babies your SS. She is a woman and a mother isn't she?
I think at some level it is a woman thing. However, in a blended family situation I believe it takes on proportions far in excess of the norm.
My wife has never let my SS suffer the consequences of his actions without stepping in and fixing the situation for him. He just finished HS on Monday and the kid is incapable of making a decision for himself or caring for himself because for his entire life my wife has busted her ass to mitigate her own guild feelings with the circumstances of his birth. She has not wanted him saddled with the stigma and consequences of being born to an unwed teen mother so she has busted her ass to give him a privileged upbringing. Somewhere along the way she never stopped being the 16yo single teen mom babying him to no end.
Just a few days ago she told him he had "cute" wrists. If my mother had told me I had cute wrists at his age I would have been mortified. She will speak to him a baby voice and not even realize she is doing it. He just sits there with a goofy baby stare on his face and laps it up.
I probably over react to this baby crap in the opposite direction by climbing his ass a little too frequently. Yesterday we were discussing what we were going to do with the kid at the end of the summer when he turns 18. The discussion eventually went to how he can't even decide what he wants for dinner without me giving him crap. We took him to a very nice steak house to celebrate graduation. He ordered a burger. I told him that he can get a burger anytime and suggested that he get a steak or seafood of some other more unusual dish.
Apparently the next day he vented to his Mom that "(he) can't even pick what he wants for dinner without me second guessing him". So, I don't recommend over compensating for your wife's babying of the kid. That will just entrench her in her babying of him and he will resent you trying to turn him in to something of higher character than a useless mama's boy.
My wife and I are setting up for what will probably be the most intense period of our marriage. I am adamant that he go in the Marine Corps, be responsible for himself and hopefully have at least a minute chance of becoming a viable adult. She won't even discuss our options for dealing with our Son's (my SS) complete lack of adult abilities. She gets mad and says "you don't want him home with us anyway so I will just handle it" and won't discuss him or what our options are with him.
It is not that I don't want him with us. It is that I want my son (SS) to step up and engage in his own life. In fact, my wife has repeatedly said that it is so much easier when he is not with us.
Good luck with this one. If your wife is anything like mine you will dealing with this issue for the rest of your marriage.
Best regards,