reviewing custody and parenting plan
Hello everyone. Although I've read this blog for a few months, only now I subscribed as a member.
I'm 28 y/o, my DH is 40 and I get along pretty well with SS4 and SD5. The BM is absolutely insane, bipolar at its best.
We are currently reviewing custody and parenting plan. After talking to a few people, my DH and I agreed that on the long run, the perfect situation would be the kids spending one full week with us and one full week with BM, so we want to add to the plan that every other year (as the kids are still young) one day a week will be added to the regular visitation schedule, until we reached the desired situation. That would give us all plenty of time to get used to the new schedule. Right now, we are seeing them one day a week for a sleepover and every other week, we have them from Thursday until Sunday afternoon. As life cannot be easy, of course she flipped over when DH talked to her about this. She's so selfish and insecure that she clearly said that she won't make any changes with the schedule; it is what it is and if we take her to court, she will move to her mother's house, which is located 6 hours from here. Afraid that this could happen, DH is changing his mind and wants to leave things as they are for now and in the future go back and try to make changes. I do not agree with this. I think that we should fight now and do whatever it takes to try to make more time with kids.
I'm so fed up with this situation... Crazy BM knows how to get what she wants... Threatening about moving with the kids has worked for her so far.
So I would like to know from you guys what is the visitation schedule that has worked for you. Do you think that one week on, one week off is really too much?
I looked for a thread with a similar topic and did not find anything.
Thank you very much. You all... Always so supportive!
Personally, I don't think the
Personally, I don't think the week on/week off schedule is a good schedule for young kids. I'm of the belief that kids need a home base. It sounds like your DH has a good visitation schedule that offers the kids that kind of stability. I also think, if you live pretty close to their school, it might work, but not if you live outside of the child's school district, it might be more of a hassle for them.
It does sound like the schedule change you're looking to implement goes slowly, and that's a really good thing. Most people want to jump right in, having the change implemented immediately because it makes THEIR life easier, and that's not fair to the kids. It's important to have a good knowledge of the children and what they're able to handle, to know if they could handle a lifestyle and schedule change like that in their lives.
Another thing to think about is that family courts like the status quo and, if what's in place now is working fine for the kids, the courts won't be keen to change it. You could spend tens of thousands of dollars and have nothing come from it.
JMHO.
We live 20 min from the BM
We live 20 min from the BM house.
Thank you SpunkiDoolittle and Lifeisshort for your insights on the subject. Maybe is better wait a little longer to work on extending the visitation schedule, after all.
Thank you thank you!
It is unlikely that the court
It is unlikely that the court will allow BM to move the children that far from their father without his permission. Since she has threatened to move your DH should get to court as immediately as possible and pull BMs teeth. The longer he waits the harder it will be to control BM.
If he gets the court order ammended to prevent BM from moving his children without his permission then he will be in a good position to keep things as under control as possible going forward.
IMHO one should never, never, never buckle to threats from the blended family oppostion. As soon as BM threatened to move unless your DH made no changes to the court order she lost any expectation of cooperation in your blended family situation. Your DH should kick her ass in court.
As soon as my SS's BioDad filed for custody when my wife and I were dating (the kid was 1yo)the gloves came off for us. We did whatever it took to keep his giggle berries in the vice of the custody/visitation/support judgement. The SpermClan has learned over the years not to mess with us or it will cost them dearly in money, visitation time and freedom. I commited to my Son (SS-17) that I would never prevent him having a relationship with the SpermClan. However, my wife and I have also never wavered from the position that we will do whatever is neccessary to provide for and protect the best interests of our son (my SS).
Though not germain to this discussion, my wife and I have the same age difference that you and your DH have. I am the StepParent in our situation though. We will have our 16th anniversary in a few weeks. I am 46 and she is 34.
Welcome to our community. I hope you find it a good place to vent, contribute and pick up some useful advice from others who are navigating the challenges of blended family life.
Best regards,