PLEASE HELP ME!!!!
PLEASE HELP!
I really need some advice and I found this forum so im hoping someone can help me. I am 26 years old me and my husband have been married for 7 years this year. We have two children of our own one boy who is 6 years old and one girl who is 4 years old. I have a step-son who is 10 years old. We went through a very intense full blown cusotdy battle in 2003-2004. My husband won joint custody as primary parent. Before we had this battle I raised my step-son I quit school to raise him I took over the "Mom" role if you will. His mother was never around. When she did have him he would talk about me all the time and it made her mad he would run from her when she picked him up because he did not know her. I always said positive things about her NEVER bad things ever. So she took us to court. We ended up sharing him one week on and one week off for 4 years. After that she called us and wanted to be a mom and make up for lost years and all this stuff. We live two hrs apart by the way. So we filed an agreement to let her take him and we would have him every other weekend and if anything such as his grades anythin went down hill it was voided and he would come back. Things have been good until now. She moved 4 hrs away against our wishes took him out of public school and moved in with her lesbian lover not to say anything negative about that but he is confused on sexuality now and a girl and her husbad and there 4kids! Who not to mention tesitfied on our behalf in our last custody trail. I was very involved last time and i was wondering if I should step back now. I know have two kids of my own as to then i did not. Me and my stepson are not as close as we used to be either. There has also been some acusations of abuse and that me and my husband treat our kids better and she wants child support, Please i need some advice from step moms out there???? Thank you so much.
Wow. This is a tough one.
Wow. This is a tough one. Things change, as is the cycle of life. How does your husband feel? Is he adjusting or is it more like he is too tired to fight?
Having your own children would change things but still, SS needs to be raised right and made a positive contributor to society.
I don't know dear. If it was me, I would step back. But I don't have my own children either - I would step back because DH and BM sometimes need to figure things out for themselves.
PS - I really frigging hate when BMs try to make up for lost time and mental damage. THEY SHOULD HAVE DONE IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME, OR AT LEAST TRIED. SILLY Cows.
Thank you for responding! My
Thank you for responding! My husband at first was tired and ready to just give her what she wanted but now has decided to fight. He wants his son to have a normal life and be around good people who are positive influences. I honestly do not think I have it in me to go through this again. The first time around I am the one who potty trained my step son and put him in school filled out all the paperwork took him to the dr and dentist etc. Everything and now I dont feel close to him anymore he claims we treat him bad which we dont and she claims we neglect him for our kids together. Our kids together live here with us its differant. Also my family my parents and etc were very close to my ss and now he treats them bad too. Every since he moved in with his mom he has changed. I think I am going to step back but I know I will dragged into it, it still affects me ya know.
Caje64 - Let me ask you...
Caje64 - Let me ask you... how does your SS feel about things?
The reason I ask is that he is now 10 years old. So, I can understand your husband's willingness to fight..but I am curious as to how your SS is adapting.
How did he adapt when you first went with the week on / week off schedule? How does he feel about living with mom and the others?
At 10, I don't think the court will give him a full say, but I do think they will take into consideration what he has to say. And I am guessing there would be a guardian ad litem involved??? Not sure...
If it were us over here, I think I would try to talk to SS about how he feels about moving, etc. Also, how his home life is with his mom. If she's so instable that she would yank him out of school to move 4 hours away without informing you, as well as not be there for the first 4 years of his life, etc... then she may not be providing a good home anyway.
Why would he claim you treat him bad? That's a huge question that you need to get answer. I can understand the mom saying whatever, but if it is coming from him... is he being coached? or PAS'd???
See a lawyer first, and that also may help you feel better about things.
Stay strong... it DOES AFFECT YOU - A LOT!!! But you will need the kid somewhat on your side before you just "take him back". You also may want to get a counselor involved now, just to see where the kid's head is at, and also so you can say to the court that you truly are doing this in the best interests of the child, and not because it's a pissing match between DH and BM. Does that make sense?
Good luck to you.
I understand this completly!
I understand this completly! This is just one way of making my fact that the sk's bm is MOM! No matter what, how there bm treats them, leaves them, they are the moms! Us stepmoms can take care of them for years and they still will run to the bm! I think now you have done your part and if your husband wants to fight he needs to ask for your help! (Which mine don't) he just assumes i don't care! You have other kids now and those has to be your first priority! I have been stressed to the max with the step family to the point I just want to sleep because everything is drama, from what they wear to what they eat! It has gotten some what better but their mom gets off free from making arrangements we have to make, whose taking them to school, whose picking them up etc! We do it all, finacially to! So she gets all the credit and the role to be called mom, I understand sweetie, Hang in there, it does get alittle better when they get older! I hope I'm not eating my words!