Hi Everyone. I've been reading forever but finally joined and even though the years have been rough and I needed someone I didn't do anything till now. My husband and I have been married for 13 years and dated for 8 yeras prior to that. His wife left him and the kids to "live her life". The divorce took 6 years ( I met him 1 year after she left), she wanted nothing to do with the kids. My husband had sole custody of two young teenage boys. Remember this is going back 21 years. The youngest and I got along fine, it was the oldest that was an issue,calling me every name in the book while my "boyfriend" didn't do a thing. That sounds so bad now but back then I was young and didn't think twice about it. Well times have changed and the older one has been the supportive, involved guy and so was the younger one UNTIL he got married. The older stepson and him got along fine until the older one had to share the younger one with the new girlfriend. I loved her, that blew up in my face. Years go by everything seems fine, little do I know after about 2-3 years of them dating the younger stepson has a problem with me. NO one ever says anything and I go around not knowing. They get engaged, we rent a hotel room, decorate with flowers pay for everything, and I even helped pick out the ring. Wedding plans begin and the stress of the BM gets in the way. She still isn't doing anything for the kids but wants to be regonized. NO way!!
She has remarried and the kids hate the man. So me - I give them a check for 1/2 of everything, I pay for their honeymoon and give them a credit card to use while away. I say me because my husband wouldn't have been so generous. His mother gives him nothing or close to it. Fine they get a house we help along with her parents a down payment, the down payment gets bigger we help again. This is all coming out of an account that my husband and I set up so I would feel "safe" if soemthing was to happen I knew I could last a few months with paying bills etc. Its my account. They have a baby, I write a check, now things are turning sour. We have rules to see the baby. We are not allowed to feed, change or upset the baby in any way shape or form. We are not allowed to feed her or watch her get fed. Her mother is but we're not. We can't babysit and when we took her for a walk my sons wife stood outside and waited for us to return. We decide instead of staying home for a holiday that since they only want to visit for 4days ( oh the visits we get a list of items they need for 4 days that consists of 500.00 worth of furniture stuff and a months worth of food) we decided to go away instead. That did it for them. My husband went up to visit( they live away from us near her family) because my stepson needed to talk, so my 63 year old husband who will be working till he's 90 because we did too much flew to see them for the talk. Which I told him had to be about me, and he disagreeded , guess who was right.
They dislike the way I speak, treat him, that our marriage isn't good, they don't like my pet name for him, they don't like that I say this check is coming from my account( thats because they never thank me and I wanted them to know so maybe they would get the hint). They had no problem cashing the check. They feel all sorts of ways that made me sick to my stomach. Heres a kid I raised since he was 11-12 and did everything with, and this is how he treats me. He wants more rules for me, he wants me to only speak about certain subjects not others, he wants me to only attend certain functions and this way his BM will attend the same functions without her husband. I don't think so. My husband flipped. Then it got worse he picked on everything. I know it was his wife also whispering in his ear becasue through the years I've heard her. We've never said anything about her yelling at him in front of us, that they never have any food for us but expect us to have all sorts of food for them. My stepson then cursed at his father a couple of times and my husband hung up. My husband is the easiest guy to get along with. He gave up his life to raise those kids. NO sleep , he just worked to keep the roof over their head and spent every weekend doing something with them. This one has the nerve to say really horrible negative things about him and attacked my character as well. At this point we haven't spoken to them in months( 4). My personality is he's dead to me. I want nothing to do with him. His wife sent a Christmas card with the babys picture to us and my family, but my family will stick by my side and not let them get away with treating us so poorly. My husband doesn't want to show any disrepect towards me so he's holding his ground BUT for me if his son is sorry or wants to repair his relationship with his dad then he needs to call, write, email an apology and he hasn't. I can't begin to tell you how hurt I was. We have friends that my stepson talks to and in listening to what he says its still the same. He feels its okay to say what he did about me as well as not allow my husband or myself to babysit, feed, diaper the baby. He feels his wife only wants her mother and thats okay. I have no desire to ever speak with him again but am concerned about my husband. THats where we have a problem. Any ideas, I feel its not even an issue until my step son apologizes to my husband, but my husband feels differently. Thank you for letting me rant, and for whoever took the time to read sucha long rant. The things that were said were very hurtful. I didn't directly write them but it as you say cut to the bone or the core. I felt my heart drop to my stomach because I couldn't believe my stepson could say these things. Oh he also wants to be number 1 in his fathers life and that I shouldn't be number one. He's 34 years old with a wife , good job, house and baby number 2 on the way. He wrote something about that my husband stopped being a father. What happen was my husband and finally decided that we were making each other number one and also that we were going to stop writing those checks ( which we did and I think that is the major problem). I just will not have them in my home ever, they can stay with my stepson who lives close by and my husband can go visit but they aren't welcome in my home. I don't know if I'll ever get over this, I can't forgive him yet. For me I just act like they were never in my life. Thank you for the oulet.