Need some advice please w/SD
My `Stepdaugher is driving me insane. She is 10 years old and very clingy, she will not go outside and play, she does not want anything to do with children. She is with us 24/7.She won't go to her room and do something either. She will follow us like a duck, I cant even take a shower without her coming and asking questions that could have waited until I come out.
She won't listen to anything we say and then laughs about it.She has always been like this so it is not because of the divorce of her parents 2 years ago. Every other word out of her mouth is a curse word.
The problem is that her dad lets her be this way, I have spoken to him about this and he says he just does not have the heart to dicipline her.If I say something to her,he asks me in front of her what my problem is.
She throws her shoes behind the toilet, dirty socks all over the house, never puts anything away. He says it is not a big deal.
I would love to do some activities with her but if I do, she will cling even more for the rest of the day, she does not know when to stop and gets so annoying and demanding that I get dizzy spells.
She has no boundaries set ever in her entire life.
I can't wait for the weekends she's with her mom so I can breath. I feel like a stranger in my own home.
I am beginning to wonder if I should just leave. We had plenty of talks about this, but he does not consider my feelings in this.
Has anyone been in a situation like this, and is there hope?
I'm assuming you're not
I'm assuming you're not married to bf since you quoted 'stepdaugther' One word...therapy. You guys all need to go. Dad needs to understand that he's damaging his kid by not disciplining and teaching her life tools to cope as a functioning adult. He also needs to understand that he's ruining his relationship with you by showing his (poor) parenting skills. You'll lose respect for him if you haven't already.
These problems may or may not get better. Have the insight to know what you can handle. Be strong enough to walk away if necessary. Don't stay in the relationship so long you don't know when to leave.
Thanks for your advice. No
Thanks for your advice. No we are not married, we are engaged and wanted to get married in July, we have not been mention it anymore for a while because the relationship is on the rocks because of the constant stress this situaion causes. I stopped saying anything about most of her behaviors, the only time I will say something is if she disrespects my things.
I think I have lost some respect for him already, I just have not noticed until I read your reply.
He won`t go to therapy. I also think she has a touch of ADHD but he won't take her for testing.
Today shes with her mom and I tought we could have a nice evening but he is pouting because I am "expecting to much of him".
I do everything, laundry, cooking, cleaning, homework with her and I go to work.
I am mentally burned out.
I'm sorry you're going
I'm sorry you're going through this Georgie. It definitely seems you're at a crossroad. If fiance is refusing therapy and refusing to change his ways then the situation will likely not change for the better.
Don't take this the wrong way. Your fiance is feeling you're expecting too much because in a sense you are. You're expecting him to change into a completely different parent than what he is. Whether you have the most positive idea of what kind of father he should be...he's not it. It doesn't matter if its wrong or right...its more about being very different on essential character traits to make the relationship work.
If I was in your shoes...I'd put one more last pitch effort of talking this through with your fiance. Tell him what your necessities (of happiness) are in order to continue the relationship. Set a date on which if things don't improve you'll postpone the wedding. Set another if it doesn't get better from there that you'll have to move out (or him). I would also make it point not to be around as much when SD10 is visiting. While disengaging you'll give him and sd the breathing room to improve hopefully.
Well she is not just
Well she is not just visiting, she stays with us. I dont want him to do a complete change, just to make it fair to all, and I told him that. I guess I just either take it as it is or leave. Since I can't take it as it is.. I'll have to step. Thank you for your insight Stepchicka.