I hate feeling evil, I used to be a nice person...
until I got married. I've only been married for a few months and I already TOTALLY regret it. What on Earth was I thinking!?! I am a college educated intelligent person, former teacher and a very good Mother to two incredible kids. I fell in love with a super nice guy who's wonderful with my kids and he has two of his own that he has 50% custody of (15 year old SS and 11 year old SD). His ex is a total nut. He only communicates with her via email but she still manages to disrupt our lives and holiday schedules. She has really become a problem and seems to have some mental health issues.
My DH's kids are weird. I know that sounds mean, but they are WEIRD. My daughter and SS attend the same high school and the SS is a social outcast. He has hygiene problems and is completely annoying to be around. He is extremely immature and has accused his Dad of physical abuse (which never happened). Thank God I was there as a witness. Most of the time his behavior is fine but he's a narcissistic genius who doesn't care what people think about him. When he talks, he doesn't have a conversation, he only lectures at you. It makes you want to run out of the room pulling your hair out.
The daughter is polite most of the time but there's something really off about her. She has never kept the same friend for more than 6 to 9 months. I've known them for 5 years and she's never had the same friend from one grade to the next. She fantasizes a lot and people have commented that she is really strange. She's a cute girl, but kids don't like her. Her own brother is convinced she's a sociopath. My family also has said that she is cute until she starts to talk. She has a real mean streak.
My kids HATE them. I waited to get married until the kids were older and I thought their behavior was a lot better and it is. But I just don't like them. I hate having them in my house. I hate to see them. I wish they would just go away. There. I said it. I feel so damn guilty all the time but there is something really wrong with those kids. All of my husbands family says the same thing. All of my family says the same thing. They are really off. Maybe because they are both so smart, I don't know. I thought because their behavior was better I could lead a respectful existence with them... but I HATE IT with a passion. My kids hate it. What am I going to do?
I don't want to get divorced, I love my husband. I have been honest with him, while shedding a lot of tears and he knows his kids just are not easy to be around. He is terrified they are walking down the same genial sociopath as their mother. It's like she's raising them to be unfeeling, disengaged robots. My own husband who is a Physician says he has a hard time feeling as close to them as he should. He loves them so much, and is a great parent, but there is something lacking. He takes them skiing, buys all of their clothes, plays chess, goes swimming, hiking, biking etc. He is a great parent but they don't engage with him either. The SS sits in his room all of the time and the SD does all of the activities but is just vacant emotionally.
Ugh. Any suggestions? I hate feeling such intense dislike for these poor kids. What is wrong with me? They're not that bad, just really weird and I can't shake this pit in my stomach that literally makes me afraid they will destroy my family.
dp is right, i think your dh
dp is right, i think your dh should send them to counciling and have them psychologically examined.
Its ok Primin, those are the
Its ok Primin, those are the natural feelings, my wife got 2 kids and we've yet to have one of our own, and a lot of times I live for the weekend, I live for when the kids are gone, that I can watch anything I want on the TV, we can stay out late and hang with friends.
I can see how its really hard since the kids are somewhat strange, and to me, my SD & SS seem strange at times too, I've grown up certain way that is different from their childhood and they are much better kids than what you've described.
The best thing right now is just let 'em be, heck, they are in high school, most teenager kids now days are somewhat weird, all they wanna do is bury themselves in the digital world and wear jeans 2 sizes too small. I still recall my dad used to comment why I used to wear jeans hanging off my ass in the 90's, he thought that was really stupid as well.
I have two kids of my own,
I have two kids of my own, one of whom is in high school and I taught high school biology for several years. Believe me, I know high school kids march to the beat of their own drummer but that's not it for either of these kids.
Their Mother's personality is that she plays the victim. She told her children that she had cancer, started talking to them about melanoma which can be fatal and had them completely upset. It turns out she had a small skin cancer on her face removed. Why would you do that to your children? That's just one example of many. She has accused my DH of domestic violence (dismissed), had him arrested for contempt of court for expenses that he had paid (and sent to her via certified mail), threatens him with court action about every three months etc. It never stops.
I see where the kids get their odd personality from. They were in counseling for about two years but it became a legal tool for their Mom to try and manipulate. The counselor said when she watched the SD relate to her Mom "it was the worst interactional I have ever seen in 20 years of practice".
Maybe I'm being melodramatic as their behavior could be much, much worse than it is. I can't even began to tell you how much more sane you feel when you read that you're not the only one with such animosity. But at the end of the day, I still have to figure out how to exist with two people in my home, 50% of the time, who I can't stand to be around.