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DewyCox's picture

Hi All, thx to everybody's suggestions and comments, we've been doing really well, this is a true life story and I'd just feel like to share it with you guys.

Just a quick re-introduction, me and my wife have been married for almost 4 years, she has 2 kids, 1 girl that just started being a teenager, a boy that is in grade 3, me and the kids have gone through rough patches but we work hard to get things under control and make the family functional, my wife is a hard working person whom I've been trying to lure into working for me Smile

the story starts about 4 months ago, the kid's father, we shall call him BD, met a new woman and start dating her, which to me and my wife is fine with, after all its none of our business, but it was also this time we start to notice SD was very depress, very angry, affraid of things, lot more typical teenager should, we try to help her through and found out that BD's gf does not allow him to call the kids or talk to them when BD is at her house, and SD is very depress about this, in my eyes, this is worse than being a pedophile, a parent crushing a kid's heart.

we worked our ass off to ensure she talks and be happy, while BD doesn't pay a cent to the kids, yet driving around in a nice big pick up and live in a 600k house, but he's those kinda guy that's piss poor mentatly and go through tax loop-hole and threaten us with suicide attempt if we sue him for child support, in a way, I envy how much of an a-hole he is, have kids, let someone else raise them, and only see them on weekends and have fun with them when you want to! ain't that great.

fast forward to the past weekend, SD and SS have been showing disinterest of going to their BD's house, I already know because lately he hasn't done much with them since he's been spending his cash on his gf who's on welfare and got other kids, strange how that works, because of this, the SD really hate BD's gf, can't blame her.

On Sunday night, SD came home surprisingly with high spirit, we asked her why she's so happy, she informed us that her BD has broken up with his gf, we ask her how she knows, she said she saw him on dating website talking to someone else, we told her don't have ill wish on people and don't make it a secne, celebrate in your heart quietly.

Fast forward to Tuesday night, my wife was trying to get a hold of the BD, but he continuously saying he can't talk and hangs up, she found out that BD was in fact at his gf's house and is now allowed to talk, I called and heard them both laughing at the background and hung up, I've had anger issues in my late teens and early 20's, so I was trying to calm myself down, my wife got a hold of him on the phone and said he doesn't want to talk to her nor the kids, she called him again and told him if he doesn't want the law suit served on a silver platter, then better listen and railed him with the following main focus:
- Are you still with that woman
- It is wrong that you cannot talk to your own children when your gf is present
- Think about it for the kid's sake
- And you better start paying for the kids' needs instea of your gf
- No one gives a crap about who you can date, but if this relationship continues at the cost of the kid's happiness, we will seek full custody and ensure the kids get everything they needed in life.

Now, guess what he said.

"I'd choose my gf over those kids". *dramatic music plays in the background*

my wife was speechless and told him expect to hear back from the lawyer, hung up, told me she doesn't know what to do, how can you go explain to your kids that their dad chose a woman that is sucking welfare dried on her benefit over you? you can't.

the SD overheard us and asked what's happening, I didn't want to tell her, but my wife did, I've never seen a child so heart broken, the only time I remember seeing a young teenager this heart broken was when I found out my gf back in grade 8 kissed another guy. the SS doesn't understand, but she cried the night through while we tried to comfort her.

Today, she seems alright and we are trying to get on with our normal life, but I'll keep you guys posted on this drama.

Pantera's picture

That really sucks. I think your wife needs to take her ex to court. Let him threaten suicide, after all it is probably just that, a threat. He knows your wife won't do anything if he threatens that.

I feel really bad for your skids, but I think it would be best if you guys didn't discuss what BD says to BM. I know you really want to tell them the truth because you want them to see...but the truth is that he is their father and they will most likely end up mad and resentful at you and your wife.

Maybe you could keep them busy on the weekends so they don't really miss their father? I know when I was a pre teen/teen, I would have rather spent time with my friends than any of my parents. Or go do fun family things together. That could help ease the blow.

Maybe some therapy would help SD?

"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus

DewyCox's picture

We've looked into therapy help for SD, but our health insurance policy doesn't cover it, and at $125/hr, its hard for us to swallow.

We just contacted the lawyer and we've been told no contact to the BD unless a lawyer is present.

DewyCox's picture

I have a feeling this is becoming a drama or sort.

After lawyer suggested cease of communication, my wife decided to pick up the kids from school for safety's sake, as soon she got there, the school notified her that the BD tried to pick 'em up just before she arrived, but the kids refused to go with him and he showed aggression with the staff and security was called.

in the fear of children's safety, we went to the police station to file restrain order, and family court for emergency custody order against the BD.

the BD has repeatedly tried to contact my wife and SD, saying he'll come and get the kids and there's nothing he can't do.

Right there and then I've brought out my good old 12-gauge, as the BD is known to be physical and has said he'll come to get the kids at the house and make physical threat.

Everyone seems to be at ease at the moment, but I am filled with anger about the whole situation, my wife feels extremely horrible by putting me where I am, at the same time, I know if I don't protect her, no one else will.

For everyone's sake, I hope he spoke with a lawyer and come to his senses and stop the chaos.

2ndwifeblues's picture

 I agree with a previous poster, you shouldn't disclose every rant that comes out of his mouth to the kids. It sounds to me like he prefers to talk without thinking, basically spit out whatever ridiculousness pops into his mind. I bet he said that more to hurt their mother than anything. BD is a loose cannon but you know what, he is not your primary concern. The kids are. Call your local health department or talk to your pediatrician about getting some counseling you can afford. There are agencies who will offer free or sliding scale therapy but I won't lie you will have to put in some serious work to find it. Make the million phone calls, it's with it. Meanwhile move forward with a restraining order and your pursuit of full custody and child support. Dude sounds too in love with himself to hurt himself. But again, you can't worry about him. And finally I say to you THANK YOU for stepping up, loving, supporting, and taking care of those children. YOU ARE THEIR FATHER ... he's just a sperm donor. GOD bless.