What does the BM...
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spend the C/S on??
I have been thinking about this for awhile and wondering what in the world BM needs $900.00 a month for?? Maybe her other kids? Weight loss clinic, breast reduction? tatoo removal? Funds to build a new house?? Pay of debt collectors? It has just amazed me that all of a sudden BM needs C/S when for the last two years she has not needed it? Of course when SS lived here for 4 years she did not pay it either. I just have this gut feeling that is for something else besides the SS. Anyone else feel that way or have proof that BM is using it for something else??
Our bm is using it for
Our bm is using it for something else, so whenever she threatens my dh to take him to court, he says bring it on! Lets see you prove now what and where you spend that cash. Makes her invisible for a year or so.
Our BM also doesn't spend
Our BM also doesn't spend any of her money on kids .. NONE! And she gets ALOT, almost 5 figures, a month. And she has almost no bills because DH gave her ocean front house in divorce free and clear. YET, SKs call all the time for $50 for school year book (for example) because BM said "go ask your dad, I don't have any money" They want to go to water park .. call DH "Mom said she has no money can we have money to go to water park?"
It is constant calls for lunch money, movie money .. everytime the same .. Mom says she doesn't have enough money to give us.
She is a true sick person .. GREEDY hording money from her own kids .. SICK
This is so ironic. My XH and
This is so ironic. My XH and I have been fighting lately about CS and what it's going towards yada yada yada.
I might get a back lash for explaining my side of things because this will hit a sore note with a lot of people on ST. but I'll throw myself into the fire here...
Even though we have equal custody XH pays out quite a bit (CS check is equivalent to me having the kids 65%). It drives his wife nuts but this is HIS call. What he makes in 4 months is what I make in one year. XH wants to live in a high society area, be two minutes away from work, have us live in the same school district basically have everything convenient for him.
XH wants to keep the 50/50 custody schedule which confines me and the kids within a very short distance of him. I complied with equal custody for the kids but He HAD to plus up the CS in order for DH and I to live in the school district or risk me losing a custody battle because XH is loaded (and has friends in the legal profession). I often feel like I'm being emotionally blackmailed.
The majority of the CS goes towards the outrageous rent. The remaining goes towards insurance. I cover everyone, including XH on my dental plan. I think its f-ing ridiculous that we live here. I wish we could move to more affordable (still decent) area that's 5 minutes up the road vs a gated neighborhood full of pretentious snobs who never grew out of their clickish ways from highschool. My kids would have more friends too since most people here frown upon divorce children are not exempt from this stigma. I would be willing to exnay ALL child support if XH would not be so damn worried about keeping up with the Joneses. Yet he complains that he has to give me so much. I tell him sure then let me and DH move but then he starts screaming he'll take away the kids. I'm stuck...and feel I must resort to "begging" to live in a snobby neighborhood that I can't stand. Go freakin' figure. I can't stand CS support. Other than my boss, I don't like getting money from another adult. I f-ing hate it but I hate risk losing custody more.
StepChicka...no flaming from
StepChicka...no flaming from me that does sound like complete and utter nonsense.
I am on the "otherside" to as I receive C/S from my X. It is a civil situation and he does not give me a hard time at all and Vice Versa. We split the drive EOW and split any thing extra that is school related. I do not get anywhere close to the money that BM wants.
Justlikemyown, agree...just a question I thought I would throw out there
Never a failure...Always a lesson
Thanks OnTheBrink for your
Thanks OnTheBrink for your compassion. My xh and I used to be quite civil too; having an actual friendship to a point. Even his wife and I get along usually. I think thats what hurts me most. I trusted both them to adhere to the CS agreement enthusiastically since this IS for the kids and XH offered to do it. So they can have both parents involved in there lives. Instead, I get a ton of bitterness from that end. I don't see how this is good for bkids to see that. It almost isn't worth it. I used to keep an account to track CS but it's a mute exercise since there's really doesn't prove where CS is going at all.
There's a possibility that XH may not have told his wife he was raising the CS. He's not the best at communicating. She found out after the fact and raised hell--I kinda don't blame her there. I would have a fit if my DH increase CS to BM without telling me.
Depends on the state but in
Depends on the state but in Texas, you can appeal for a reduction. The BM would have to bring proof of why they need that much money when you go to court.
Lawyers fee = $1000. Court Fees = $800 ... Cost of reducing the child support paid to a leach = Priceless.
"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves." ~ Abraham Lincoln
Our bm gets nearly 10k a
Our bm gets nearly 10k a month (this is child support and alimony combined... cs is now $3k...rest is alimony). I have absolutely no clue what she spends it on. We pay her mortgage so her expenses are only like 2k a month really. She must save the rest bc she hasn't gotten any work done on herself and sd walks around dressed like momma is in the poor house...so I've got no clue...we may as well be flushing that 10k a month down the crapper.
BBB, see my comment below
BBB, see my comment below BB's reply to you. I think that's just plain ridiculous!! Hugs to you for not murdering her by now (just kidding about murdering her, all you disapproving ST'ers that cannot take jokes or sarcasm well).
BitchBitchBarbie .. Well
BitchBitchBarbie .. Well that makes me feel better! We pay EXACTLY the same thing and with exact same split Alimony/CS .. I alway feel like NO ONE ELSE PAYS THIS MUCH!! And BM is slob who looks like she dressed from goodwill and has plastic purses and gives NO money to kids .. ever. She also never wantst to do anything for them drive, take them places, sign them up for sports etc .. she says she doesn't feel like driving or doing it. THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE GETTING PAID FOR IDIOT!! She actually told her attorney at a meeting with DH she did not think she should have to drive kids and DH should have to because it's to much for her. DH works 10+ hours a day .. she does not work at all .. Her attorney looked at her and said "shut up .. that is what you are getting this money for.
You made me feel better!
lol, these women are
lol, these women are CRRRAZZZY!! lol, DH said in mediation "yeah, you're getting all this bc you married a stupid man who thought your intentions were pure. I could have hired a full time housekeeper,babysitter,chef,and lawn service, and hooker for the same amount I'm paying you and I could have at least had a hot meal every night,a clean house, clean laundry,a nice lawn,someone to take care of my daughter,and I would have gotten laid EVERY NIGHT....
You're getting this money bc of my stupidity in trusting you. Loser."
LMAO...Oh Lordy...gotta love my DH when he remembers he has a penis
"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."
SO TRUE BBB!! Your DH's
SO TRUE BBB!! Your DH's comment was RIGHT ON! Can you somehow send me some of his "balls" in dealing with BM? You are so lucky that he puts her in her place like that. My BF is such a doormat with the whole subject of CS - once when we were talking about the subject, I was trying to encourage him to either try to get BM to agree (in writing, of course) to take less $ in CS or if she won't cooperate, to go back to court for a downward modification. I'll never forget how he responded to me "It's my obligation! What don't you understand about that?" He basically had this "it doesn't bother me, so why do you let it bother you?" attitude. Trust me, my BF pays way too much to her - and we share 50/50 custody of the skids (SD15 & SS12), to boot. AAAHHHH! Why do some of these "doormat Dads" have absolutely NO problem shelling out all of their hard-earned $$ to these lazy, unemployed, pathetic BM's? I think it also bothers me because one of my best friends planted a "seed" in my head about all the CS he pays that I just cannot let go. She said "I know your BF is a wonderful father & is very generous to BM with the CS, but think about how all of that $$ could be going towards YOUR life with BF, YOUR future with him, YOUR dreams & goals together financially, if he would just DO SOMETHING to stand up for himself...every dollar helps, especially in this day in age.". Oh, and to those of you on ST that might be offended by my post, trust me when I say that my BF pays A LOT of $$ to BM & it is totally unnecessary & she spends it on new tattooes, shopping, NOTHING towards the skids' future other than some of it going towards basic necessities (which she benefits from as much as they do) and she only has them 3-4 days/week!! The skids live with us 3-4 days/week and we don't receive ANY help from her! The ONLY reason BM is even receiving CS is because in NY, the "breadwinner" of the 2 parents MUST pay CS to the other, even if custody is 50/50. So NY deems the higher earning parent the "Non-Custodial" parent for purposes of CS. When my BF & BM were divorced (over 3 years ago now), she was playing the victim "I don't have a job" all the while bartending on weekend nights or waitressing from time to time & pocketing the cash. My BF, on the other hand, was completely honest with her, the lawyers and the court, he has an "on the books", blue collar job (same job he's been at since the late 1990's), and showed all of his recent paystubs, etc... So since he made about 90% of the combined income, he got stuck with the CS payments. So he supports TWO households, all with his blue-collar income, and just does it because he thinks it's too expensive to hire an attorney to change it to make the CS more fair. He's also afraid because since he has gotten a pay raise (not THAT much) since 3 years ago, that the Family Court will keep awarding her more and more CS$ and, in turn, she will continue to underemploy herself and sit on her lazy ass holding her hand out for her welfare check every 2 weeks. I apologize to anyone I've offended, but as a professional woman, the entire CS thing in NY regarding 50/50 custody is absolutely DISGUSTING!! I swear it is "legalized embezzlement".
3K a MONTH FOR CHILD
3K a MONTH FOR CHILD SUPPORT??!?!!!?!!?!!???
Holy freaking sh*t!
Got, that must make you crazy that she gets almost ten grand a month. I would want to kill her.
BB
You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved
BB, I'm with you on that! I
BB, I'm with you on that! I don't care what anyone says, NO ONE needs ten grand a month handed to them from another human being in order to raise children & to live. GET A LIFE! GET A JOB! That's just pathetic. I have absolutely ZERO respect for women like that. Disgusting. I would NEVER take a handout like that - I would not be able to look myself in the mirror each day without vomiting. That's a classic example of when CS becomes "legalized embezzlement". It's just wrong in every way.
Well TheFrizz feels entitled
Well TheFrizz feels entitled to this money because she was married for 14 years to DH. During which time she didn't work and "stayed home" with SD. I put stayed home in quotes bc most of the time,SD was either at school,at camp, or at a playdate while TheFrizz did ...whatever it is she was doing with her time. It certainly wasn't doing laundry or cooking dinner that's for sure..or even cleaning the house. DH had to hire maids for her.
I already agreed that if DH and I ever split, I won't be asking for alimony. I just couldn't take his money for years and years like that especially since we have no children together and even if we did, I'd just expect child support like everyone else.
The child support BM gets isn't what bothers me (although,I didn't realize it cost 3k a month to raise a kid...) it's the alimony that gets to me if I think about it too hard.
lazy bloodless moneygrubbing little freak.
"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."
It doesn't bother me as much
It doesn't bother me as much as it used to. Only time it gets to me is when I'm at work in the summer,my son is in camp all day and she is out having a wonderful time with sd taking trips and doing all kinds of wonderful things..while me and dh are busting our asses running our office all week. I'm not bothered by the money...I'm bothered by the time she has since she doesn't have to work for a living. But her joyride ends in a few years.then she'll have to get off her ass and work like normal people do...dh and I will still be sitting comfortably when she is struggling so I'm ok with that. I can't be the one to write her checks though...if I was i'd kill her;)
BBB, you're a better person
BBB, you're a better person than I. How long has DH been shelling out this kind of money to BM? How long does he have left? I just can't help but wonder where all that hard-earned money SHOULD have gone to/be going to, other than to fatten BM's bank account or support her daily laziness. That's some joyride...
I see both sides of the
I see both sides of the child support issue too. I receive a very small amount of CS for perfectson and frankly what I spend it on is totally up to me. HOWEVER, perfectson isn't without a single thing, ever. Matter of fact, it wasn't long ago I updated my fb status to say "relaxing getting a mani/pedi, thank God for child support!" hahahahaha EH laughs at me when I say things like that because he knows perfectson has the best of everything and actually he has never once in over 12 years even questioned what I've spend the child support on.
On the other hand, I get aggravated beyond belief when SDs come here dressed in rags and complaining that they can't do such and such at school because BM has no money. Ummmm wtf does she do with what we send every month? We also buy over 75% of SDs clothes, shoes, and school needs. It's a no-win situation.
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My DH ex spends the CS on
My DH ex spends the CS on surviving and keeping the kids poor. She isn't re-married and doesn't work, so she lives off what we send for the kids, and what the gov't gives her for having the kids. As soon as those kids leave she's gonna be in for a big shock - Guess what? - You can't live off your kids anymore!
Oh, and she goes on trips to meditation centres where they chant and read each others palms and bragg about how they are so much more in tune with their spirituality than the rest of us. I guess when you don't work for 8 years, with your kids in school all day, have no boyfriend, nojob, nothing to do, and live off of others, you have a lot of time to think about how great a person you are, haha!
Livlaugh, love your reply!!
Livlaugh, love your reply!! Our BM lives off the CS we pay her also - works only when she feels like it & skids are SD15 & SS12 so they're in school full-time - she can EASILY work full time, but chooses not to. Oh, and she's into all of that spirituality, wicca/witchcraft, reiki, etc..., too! Are you sure we don't have the same BM? What a bunch of losers. Get a job! Get a life! Stop being so damned dependent on everyone else around you! Just pathetic.
Milomom, HAHA, sounds like
Milomom,
HAHA, sounds like our BM's belong to the same cult! Oh yeah, she's into all that stuff, wicca, fortunes, spititual mentors....whatever! Get a job and get a life. And then she has the nerve to tell my DH he has "bad energy". Well I guess his money has good enough energy for her, she lives off it. She's really pathetic too LOL.
Man I want The Frizz'z
Man I want The Frizz'z lawyer!! I was married to my ex for 14 years and I got no alimony and 300 a month child support, while he drives around in his hummer and mazzaratti... Pisses me off.. But my boys are taken care of and thats all that matters.. But HOLY HELL, 10K a month??? Thats insane!
Child support goes by the
Child support goes by the income of the parents. IF your child is use to living a GREAT life and lifestyle. The court allows them to stay in that lifestyle. As long as the parent can afford it.
MY FH's children are 28-37 now so that was long ago...that he paid $1.000 per child per month, 5 children total , 2 x wives.
EXW1- had 2 sons -he had the boys every weekend of their lives friday to sunday & all summer & holidays, too...and he paid her $2,000 cs plus paid the mortgage, taxes, and gave her that home free & clear, worth $450,000 and paid all of the other bills concerning his sons,credit cards 2 used for the sons..Dillards mostly. clothes, school activities,sports, trips, etc. and all extra's and the Mother in laws mortgage too. he actually paid for that ladies house..he said she helped and he felt bad and wanted her to have a home( because she helped with the boys) and gave her , the house free and clear...And still to this day truly loved his mother in law!! Who is now deceased..he should have gotten the house when she died,BUT EX had her quick claimed back to her, the daughter..LOL UNREAL!!
EX wife # 2 = 3 daughters, got $3,000 cs and a paid mortgage,taxes, house worth $700,000 at divorce he thought? plus all extra's, credit cards( also dillards mostly) and this ex ran bills over about $60,000 in credit cards for the girls clothes yearly,sports hair doo's you name it they had it.. trips, any thing his children needed or he felt they deserved...one he bought a musical instument for which was 15,000...I almost died when he told me. And he doesn't know if she still has it???
But he earned it and wanted his kids to live the lifestyle they were use too. He also paid college. yearly bills of 150,000 to 240,000 high, a year when several (3 ) were in college, universities, at the same time for a couple years.. That paid, classes, books, apartments, food, utilities, cars, insurance , gas, credit cards, clothes etc.etc.
He really took great care of his children, and has no regrets at all, he earned good money and that's what his life was about, his children, to make sure they were never denied anything ,he felt guilty being divorced....
Why should his children do without, because his marriage turned sour?
He caught his ex cheating, and she was a drunk. He truly loved her and tried everything to keep the marriage intact. He put his EXW2 through rehab 3-4 x at over 50,000-100,000 each time. NOTHING worked.
Then during the divorce he gave her the house. The judge told him, he was entitled to HALF the house. But he wanted his daughters to live in the home , the only home they knew. So he paid it off & signed it over to her.
The girls, youngest was about 15 I think, then...three weeks later she sold the house for $850,000 and took off with her drunk boyfriend!! She also took HALF of his retirement and 3.1 million dollars in savings, half of everything, expensive cars, and furniture. he recently went to his younger daughters & sons house...they live in EXw2 one of her rental houses.(she ourchased with his money ) LOL she never worked although he pout her through colege & she hs a PHD....neither of these adult children are married.YET... But share the house. And the old dining room set was there...he paid 30,000 for that 30 yrs ago...from Europe and he said, its ruined..they broke the chairs, cat scratched the wood etc..Made him sick..he said, he worked his ass off to buy that for the family. And couldn't believe that NO one took care of it..Thats a Regret kind of, that he did NOT Take anything, BUT his gun collection and a few things NONE of the expensive furniture ,he wished he hadn't left that behind now.
So she did quite well, what a piece of work she is, BUT he still talks highly of her as a person, she had a bad life before he met her, and he truly loved her when they were married, she wanted for NOTHING and also had a live in maid/ gardener/ and kids had nanny's.. that did everything.. Trips all over the world..5 star... many a year.
He still works to this day, trying to recoup some of the lost investments when the market crashed last year, and recoup some of the money he lost in divorces. The second EXwife is the one the daughters were NOW/RECENTLY, begging him to go back too... in the past few months !!
I actually THOUGHT ( for a few minutes when he told me about the daughters conversationin November 2009 ) he might do that...because I knew how much he had loved her. BUT, she had hurt him so badly..and her drinking, screwing other men, etc would Make that Impossible...Plus he said...he truly Loved ME, and knew that I would NEVER Hurt him, like she did...even "IF" things didn't work out between us sometime down the road..and you know what?? I Wouldn't take a THING from this MAN..MY Love for him is simply THAT...I Honestly LOVE HIM... I knew NOTHING about his finances when we met...Just learning about them the past couple years.. IF HE CAME TO MY HOUSE PENNILESS I WOULD STILL LOVE & ADORE AND WANT HIM FOR LIFE!!