Lost in translation ! !
I am involved with someone who has 2 girls 11 - 15 yrs old , I have been in this relationship for 2 yrs now and I feel it is going down hill on so many reasons .. I have been Faithful and Not once had Physically cheated on my GF , Although I have had former relationships with a couple of Ladies which I have continued a friendship relationship with , and for most part , its only been Via a phone call conversation , I have known and talked with these women yrs before we got together , It seems to bother her because she feels I wont let go of them because Of some need I have to continue a relationship with them ..
Mainly she knew of them but never was introduced to them because again its only been a phone call friend , These ladies in some way have been involved in my life with my kids and its mainly a " hey hows things with you and the kids conversation , One of them we have same career jobs just in different states , There's Non interested sexual relationship , just friends ..
She makes a point about how holding on to Old flames or Ex's with No kids together is giving some women hope or empowerment .. I don't want her to feel hurt about it so I agreed and dissociated myself with them and hoped it would fix our concerns .. NOT !
Any time we have a argument she brings it back up saying she doesn't trust me and she doesn't know if I am lying to her , for all she knows I am texting or calling from work .. Its driving me nuts ..
From her point of few , she
From her point of few , she says because I have had intimacy with these Ladies it changes the Friend thing to another relationship which can be considered inappropriate on my part .. I kinda see her point and don't have a problem with this .. Its when it keeps getting brought up over an over .. I feel if we talk about it and come up with acknowledgment and say OK lets move on , then lets Move on and stop returning to yesterday's news ..
Its called deflection. If
Its called deflection. If she can deflect and make it about her not trusting you (and justify that by bringing this up) she doesn't have to focus on what is really going wrong. My dh and I never bring up past arguments when we argue. EVER. We argue, we talk, we compromise, we come to a conclusion AND we move forward and don't look back. That isn't to say that we don't have a squabble regarding the same initial argument, but only if precipitated by another event. Everyone comes into relationships (with lovers, friends, even family) without a perception based on their lives in their totalities. DH and I have both suffered enough loss in life to know that it is too short to stay mad or to intentionally hurt one another for the sake of "winning" an argument. My general rule is to ask myself "is this something that will matter in 2 days" if it isn't, it isn't worth getting my blood pressure up. (btw - my blood pressure is about 90 over 55 because of this).
Let her know when you aren't fighting that you will no longer accept this in an argument. It needs to be put to rest or your future communication will never fully resolve any conflict. It is very unhealthy for both of you and if she truly can't get past it, she needs counseling, but I really think it is a way of deflecting blame off of her.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
what might she be deflecting
what might she be deflecting blame about from herself ? its interesting how you used that description ..
I agree with we need to put stuff to rest and move forward , there is going to be things from each of us that we may Never agree on , and I have said to her once before , " its OK to agree to disagree " but not to hold it over each others head in future discussions or even more ARGUMENTS , thats the worst time to bring stuff up from any past , it shows me anyway , that one never let it go or still feels bothered about it .. Even when we talk about issues and we leave the table saying we are OK and sorry , I leave that as we are good , But NOPE not always the case ..
The difference between Male & Female ? Or the difference between us ? maybe the combination of the two , I don't know ..