My BF always says my feelings do not count. Anyone else have this problem during conflict or when trying to explain your feelings about step kids behaviors or how the house should be run?
I get the whole "your not her mother". It hurts. To a point its true, but for me I don't live with him, so I can't really lay down rules. At some point you will have to let him know how you feel. Be strong.
His big mistake for saying that to you. Stand your ground and be repetative in saying' my feelings do count, i live here, i'm involved with you and if my feelings are not put into consideration , why should i stay?"
Anytime I have complained or vented about my Skids attitudes etc to my DH, he says "There is nothing we can do." It frustrates him to no end as well as me. His ex has and is still manipulating the kids to dislike, hate and torment their BF. But he's right...nothing I can do, nothing he can do. They dont live with us, and dont visit, or talk to us anymore. They will "tell us off" on FB or email. I'm really hating the FB lately b/c of the skids.
Maybe that's what your DH means, but saying in a totally hurtful manner. My DH would never say my feelings dont matter or I'm not their mother, but saying What can I do, well, it's kinda the same but in a better delivery.
This is what I thought when I read it. If he's saying it more as "OUR feelings don't count" meaning that there is nothing you can do about it and things are just the way they are...that just sounds like a very male response to something that is out of your (their) control. Guys don't vent the same way women do and they sometimes view our venting as asking for a solution. Perhaps this is his response by saying there is none that is within your (collective) power?
Your feelings DO count. You are part of the family and if you're expected to be a wife and a stepmother, YOUR FEELINGS COUNT. For him to say that says to me that he doesn't respect you.
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
I like this particular answer and totally agree. I do not see one reason why you should be told that your feelings dont count. Having children and stepchildren does not make you less human.
WHAT??!!! OMG - that would kill me!! I would get right in his face and say, MY FEELINGS ABSOLUTELY COUNT IN THIS HOUSE-!!!!! and don't EVER FORGET THAT!! Ok, maybe from a safe distance - but Don't let him get away with saying that to you honey!
Even if he brushes it off, repeat as necessary, and he will see, you will no longer be dominated like this! You need to be an equal partner or there is no point in being in the relationship.
________________________________________________________
"The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself." -
Will Rogers
Quoting......................"Submitted by castonesgirl1 on Wed, 12/30/2009 - 3:45pm. My ex husband always told me that my feelings didn't count- that is one of the many reasons he is an ex. Your feelings do count and are important. Don't let him tell you otherwise... if he continues- move on."
Let me correct that. He will continue. A basic personality trait like that cannot be changed.
Your feelings not counting is a valid sign you are not with the right man. Now if he and the bm are deciding if a kid should get her ears pierced or something of that nature and lets you know they are going to make that decision for their kid not you I see that as somewhat reasonable. But a blanket'your feelings don't count'. Ummm, nope.
I get the whole "your not
I get the whole "your not her mother". It hurts. To a point its true, but for me I don't live with him, so I can't really lay down rules. At some point you will have to let him know how you feel. Be strong.
His big mistake for saying
His big mistake for saying that to you. Stand your ground and be repetative in saying' my feelings do count, i live here, i'm involved with you and if my feelings are not put into consideration , why should i stay?"
I'm not even sure what to
I'm not even sure what to say to that. How insensitive.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
Anytime I have complained or
Anytime I have complained or vented about my Skids attitudes etc to my DH, he says "There is nothing we can do." It frustrates him to no end as well as me. His ex has and is still manipulating the kids to dislike, hate and torment their BF. But he's right...nothing I can do, nothing he can do. They dont live with us, and dont visit, or talk to us anymore. They will "tell us off" on FB or email. I'm really hating the FB lately b/c of the skids.
Maybe that's what your DH means, but saying in a totally hurtful manner. My DH would never say my feelings dont matter or I'm not their mother, but saying What can I do, well, it's kinda the same but in a better delivery.
Hope that makes sense.
This is what I thought when
This is what I thought when I read it. If he's saying it more as "OUR feelings don't count" meaning that there is nothing you can do about it and things are just the way they are...that just sounds like a very male response to something that is out of your (their) control. Guys don't vent the same way women do and they sometimes view our venting as asking for a solution. Perhaps this is his response by saying there is none that is within your (collective) power?
Your feelings DO count. You
Your feelings DO count. You are part of the family and if you're expected to be a wife and a stepmother, YOUR FEELINGS COUNT. For him to say that says to me that he doesn't respect you.
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
I like this particular
I like this particular answer and totally agree. I do not see one reason why you should be told that your feelings dont count. Having children and stepchildren does not make you less human.
WHAT??!!! OMG - that would
WHAT??!!! OMG - that would kill me!! I would get right in his face and say, MY FEELINGS ABSOLUTELY COUNT IN THIS HOUSE-!!!!! and don't EVER FORGET THAT!! Ok, maybe from a safe distance - but Don't let him get away with saying that to you honey!
Even if he brushes it off, repeat as necessary, and he will see, you will no longer be dominated like this! You need to be an equal partner or there is no point in being in the relationship.
________________________________________________________
"The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself." -
Will Rogers
Quoting......................
Quoting......................"Submitted by castonesgirl1 on Wed, 12/30/2009 - 3:45pm. My ex husband always told me that my feelings didn't count- that is one of the many reasons he is an ex. Your feelings do count and are important. Don't let him tell you otherwise... if he continues- move on."
Let me correct that. He will continue. A basic personality trait like that cannot be changed.
Your feelings not counting
Your feelings not counting is a valid sign you are not with the right man. Now if he and the bm are deciding if a kid should get her ears pierced or something of that nature and lets you know they are going to make that decision for their kid not you I see that as somewhat reasonable. But a blanket'your feelings don't count'. Ummm, nope.