The Holiday Drama Begins!! Where Are Your Steps Going for Christmas?

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After sending YSD text messages less than a week ago that I will NOT be making two Christmas dinners this year and will only have a meal on Christmas Day, I thought things were fine. I told her she could choose lunch or dinner on that Friday and I'd work around her mother-in-law's plans. Note I said mother-in-law not mother TROLL. Well mother troll has decided not to go out of town for Christmas to her mother's after all and guess when she set the family gathering on Friday, Christmas Day???? 3:00 p.m. I told my DH and we know we've been screwed once again. This is only my 3rd Christmas having to deal with stepchildren and their families. By far I get along with YSD the best as even though she tests my patience a lot, I know the feelings she has for her Dad and I are genuine and she doesn't call or come visit simply out of obligation.

Now for those of you who loved the FACT that this YSD brought brownies over for Thanksgiving "in the box," she wants to make food here again and see us the day after Christmas. God help me! What is a polite way to say "Please come with your dessert prepared." I am willing to do some finger food stuff like have some lunch meat and bread, cheese ball, crackers, cookies, fudge, etc. but won't be standing in front of the over all day making turkey, ham, casseroles, etc. Am I a meanie? Really, what have I done at 41 years old to be treated 2nd best like my husband when his wife was an adulterous wench who tore the family apart and yet we pay the price? At least YSD agrees with me that divorce sucks!

Maybe I'm just a traditionalist but my parents were married 42 years and my grandparents on both sides were married almost 60 years each. I didn't divorce my first husband; he died of diabetic coma and heart attack at age 50. I'm sure we'll get all kinds of flack about giving gift cards this year but I still think my DH should tell his children they don't get presents if they live in town unless they come to see us. He is always going over there but they won't come here. That makes me feel like they don't want me included.

Oh I hope next year my DH and I will have the money and vacation time to travel to see my family out of state and avoid this crap. I haven't been home to see my family at Christmas since 2006. I have a brother and cousins who are divorced and they don't have this kinda crap going on but then again their children are all under age 9 and are basically told how the holidays will be split up. I am so thankful DH is in my corner. We don't get gifts FROM DH's children but they sure expect us to plunk out the money so they have something nice. Sigh. I keep telling myself this will all be over Sunday, December 27th. I am fine as long as the holiday plans aren't brought up to me. It's sad.

On another note, YSD is working with me to reunite YSS with DH. She asked her brother (all blood) if he and his girlfriend would like to come over to our house when they do so it wouldn't be awkward for them. She has yet to get a response on that from him. I agree with my husband. It's OK if the son doesn't want to come visit but an explanation like "I hate your guts!" would be appreciated after 6 months of being nothing more than a phone call asked for money, favors and always being shut out when we ask him to visit us or offer to go visit him at a location of his choosing. Yes, I don't keep the cleanest house but I am a kind host when I do have people over.

On the dessert,I would tell

On the dessert,I would tell her that your oven might be ful, that day, so it would be best to make the dessert a head of time. I don't know how old she is, but is it possible, she doesn't have all the necessary kitchen items to bake? Just guessing here.
Maybe her pan is old, gross and your's looks better? Maybe you should find out, why she prefers to cook at your house. Or if she is in need of some kitchen gadgets?
And if it is lack of kitchen gadgets, baking pans etc , that would be a nice gift for her. Target sells nice starter kits. CHEAP.
It does get to be a pain,( entertaining ), if you don't like to cook. Also grocery stores sell prepared holiday meal packages , there pretty good and very reasonably priced. Maybe think on cooking Christmas eve. OR prepare a lasagna, baked Ziti, mexican casseroles, a week in advance, freeze it. And then just re-warming the food Christmas day.
We have Christmas Dinner now on Christmas Eve. Christmas Day, I serve left overs ( from night before) and add a couple new items, so it looks like I slaved all day LOL.
Cold Cut trays are very nice, mixed with cheeses and dip. Try to have some warm foods to if you live in Colder regions of the USA. Crock pot is easy enough.
I love to cook and entertain, Christmas is my favorite Holiday, so I go all out with the cooking experience. Although it's getting harder to do, due to the economy and higher prices. Anyway have a Wonderful holiday and I hope everything goes well for you and your families!!

None of the stepchildren

None of the stepchildren live with us either, but they can't all help me out by coming to visit on the same day! YSD does have cookware as DH and I along with her bio mom have given her such things and she has brought brownies prepared over here before. She is just being lazy and thinks it's fun to "cook" with me but given her 1.5 year old is running wild, we get little accomplished with my screaming for her kid to get away from the hot stove if you get my drift. I did talk with DH last night and he hears my frustration. We are the black sheep of the family and he agrees they need to come over here to get their gifts but he's also a wimp and will probably go and deliver their stuff once they call on Christmas Day to say "Merry Christmas." After all he has all day Saturday and Sunday for them to make him feel like crap and bow down to them if he doesn't give them the gift cards early like last year for those who cried and said their kids would have no gifts under the tree if they didn't get money early.

Just because they do wish us a Merry Christmas by phone doesn't mean we are required to feed them a full meal since they've chosen to celebrate with their mother instead of us. Sure I may have some leftovers but when you have a family of only 3 in the house, you don't make meals to feed large volumes of people whom you never know if they will show or not. I have 6 grown stepchildren, 3 spouses for those, 1 stepchild with a girlfriend and 15 grandchildren. Now, having said that, how the heck could I plan a dang thing with no notice and no one agreeing to help bring a dish to save us money yet they know weeks ahead what they are doing with bio mom and their siblings/half siblings. 2 live far away and the rest are married to spouses also from divorced situations where their kids' Christmases will be split between moms and dads. In the past year only YSD and her family have come to visit us and stuck around. The others come to meet their dad and take off with him pretty much rejecting me and our home life. Joy of joys!

My husband doesn't have to do the cleaning, cooking, cleanup afterwards, etc. and he really doesn't talk to the children when they are here. We mostly watch movies or sports on tv. My husband lost $500 a month in income in early fall so after giving his children $300 for Christmas gifts out of his $1,400 a month TAKE HOME pay, why should I do a full blown mean that goes unappreciated and they can't even bring a dish or if they do, expect me to make it using my ingredients on hand? My gosh if you can't make brownies with eggs, water, vegetable oil, etc. ahead of time or bring a dang can of corn over, why bother coming? Let Dad deliver the present and save me the STRESS.

Me (41). DH (turns 54 late November). Married since May 2007. DS (9) from my 1st marriage where that husband is deceased. I have 6 grown stepchildren who do not live with us. 4 biological and 2 my DH helped raise with his 2nd wife.

Well thats a bunch of hooey

Well thats a bunch of hooey to me. "My husband doesn't have to do the cleaning, cooking, cleanup afterwards, etc." I guess if that were the case I'd be a bit pissy to. I'm sorry any able body can help with the dishes and the cleanup.

Also I don't know why people bother getting together to share Christmas when all they do is plop down on the sofa with a movie or TV show. Play a game!

For my family growing up we always had Christmas on Christmas Eve. I didn't know the reason until I was older was because the families split the holidays. Our side got Christmas eve and all the in-laws got Christmas day. This always worked well for us. For me I am lucky, the ex doesn't cook so she has actually started joining us for holidays. This has been fine for me and great for the kids. Sure the first few were a little weird but now it works. We all 3 love the kids and Holidays should be about people being together. We have our issues from time to time but luckily we have run out of drama queen cards. LOL thanksgiving was a blessing. I ended up with 14 people in the house.

The one thing I would say is try not to sweat the small stuff. If you dont enjoy cooking a big meal, don't. There are so many fabulous options, you can buy the pre-made meals from the store or do what my family did before me make Christmas "Chinese food day". You could start a whole new tradition and take so much stress off of you. Use paper plates and let clean up be dropping the take-out boxes in the garbage. Find ways to make things work for you. No one else is going to make you a priority so do it yourself.

You made my day! 4 felons!

You made my day! 4 felons! My sister-in-law from my 1st marriage reminded me at least I didn't have to raise these children. I just get the brunt of the parental alienation syndrome caused by their mothers bad talking my husband. Some of them realize Dad wasn't so bad after all. I want to feel included but feel rejected. I go to therapy tomorrow and realize this crap may never change. This is only my 3rd Christmas as a stepmother. I hope as my son gets older he continues to voice he hates their crap too and I'll defend him to my death, ha ha.

We have drama too. The

We have drama too. The court states SD is here this year the day after christmas - 26 Dec til 4 Jan. (Next year she is here for Christmas - that will really be a turbulent time I am sure)

But each year it is a mess. BM will have to drive to meet DH 1/2 on 26 Dec and 1/2 way on 4 Jan. It will get ugly as usual. I am sure something else will be filed with the court because of it for sure.

Last Christmas.... BM went and filed a court case against us on 2 Jan because DH did not agree to bring SD back early from his christmas vacation time.

********She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!************

EYES2BLUE- I AM THE BLACK

EYES2BLUE-
I AM THE BLACK SHEEP TOO. LOLOL SO I GUESS WILL GET ALONG.
I HAVE A BETTER SENSE NOW THAT YOU WROTE EXACTLY WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON.
AFTER READING YOUR REPLY, I REALIZE EXACTLY WHY YOU FEEL THAT WAY AND I DON'T BLAME YOU, I'D FEEL THE SAME WAY TOO.
PLUS I DON'T LIKE OTHERS IN THE KITCHEN WITH ME, AND REALLY SICK OF HOSTING EVERY SINGLE MEAL FROM PAST 38 YRS.
I DON'T MIND AS I LOVE TO COOK IF IT'S APPRECIATED. AND OTHERS "HELP" CLEAN UP ETC. BUT I WAS ALWAYS THE ONE TO DO ALL THE SHOPPING COOKING SERVING CLEANING ETC, MY ENTIRE LIFE.
I THINK IT'S TIME, FOR MY DAUGHTERS 31-38 TO HAVE MOM FOR HOLIDAYS.
THEIR EXCUSE: YOU COOK SO MUCH BETTER, EVEN WHEN THEY USE MY RECIPES.BS BS BS...LOL
BUT THIS YEAR IT IS DIFFERENT, I AM GOING TO MY FH HOME, OUT WEST, TO MET THE CHILDREN & INLAWS, ALL ADULTS AND HIS 5 GRANDS, AND YES I WILL COOK FOR THEM. AND I DON'T MIND. TOBY IS BUYING THE FOOD, NOT ME. AND THEIR COMING FROM OUT OF STATE SO STAYING WITH US. THEY DON'T LIVE LOCALLY. AND HE LOVES COOKING AND IS EXTRMELY HELPFUL IN THE KITCHEN COOKING, AND CLEANING. IT'S NICE TO HAVE A PARTNER "WHO" HELPS. I DIDN'T HAVE THAT IN MY MARRIAGE.(DECEASED NOW) HE DIDN'T EVEN MAKE HIS OWN SANDWICHES AND I AM SERIOUS.
I AM REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO GOING AND HAVING A GOOD TIME. THIS WILL BE THE FIRST TIME, FOR ME, WITH HIS FAMILY. AND THE FIRST TIME HE'S HAD ALL HIS CHILDREN AND GRANDS TOGETHER SINCE THE DIVORCE 13 YRS AGO. SO SHOULD BE VERY INTERESTING TO SAY THE LEAST !!!

NO IF THEY ARE EATING WITH BM, I WOULD NOT SPEND A LOT, SLAVE AND COOK AND CLEAN UP THE MES THATS BS.. JUST GIVE THEM SNACKS, LIKE YOU MENTIONED, COLD CUTS, DIPS ETC, IF ANYTHING( IF YOU NEED OR WANT GOOD RECIPES THAT ARE CHEAP AND EASY LET ME KNOW) LOL. I'M GLAD YOU REWROTE IT SO WE GET A BETTER PICTURE OF WHAT WAS OR IS GOING ON NOW.
AND WHY YOU FEEL THAT WAY. YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO FEEL AS YOU DO..I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY NOW.
AND ALSO UNDERSTAND ABOUT GIVING THEM CHECKS IN ADVANCE..MINE HAVE PULLED THAT MANY TIMES. THIS YEAR LIKE I SAID..VERY LITTLE.
I'M NOT GOING IN DEBT SO THEY CAN HAVE A FREE FOR ALL IN GIFTS.
THEY WNAT THE PRICEY ITEMS, THEY CAN BUY THEM WITH THEIR OWN MONEY FOR THEIR KIDS.
I WILL NOT BE PART OF THAT. I THINK MOST ARE OVER INDULGED ANYWAY.
AND I AM FRUGAL, BEING A WIDOW, I HAVE TO BE CAREFUL FINANCIALLY.
LASY YEAR, MY GRANDSON TALKED ME INTO ONE GIFT...AND DAMN IT WAS PRICEY AND AGAINST WHAT I NORMALLY DO $270. IPOD. I JUST RECENTLY FOUND OUT , IT WAS STOLEN 2 WEEKS AFTER CHRISTMAS AND BIRTHDAY COMBINED GIFT, LAST YEAR. I AM STILL IRATE OVER THAT.
AND BECAUSE HE DIDN'T PAY FOR IT, IT WAS LIKE "OH,WELL" BD CHILDREN ARE NEVER GRATEFUL EITHER, WHICH BURNS MY BUTT...SELFISH LIKE BRATTS.
UNLIKE THE WAY I RAISED MINE. THEY WORKED FOR EXPENSIVE ITEMS AND WERE ALWAYS VERY GRATEFUL, IF THEY RECEIVED ANYTHING PRICEY..FROM A RELATIVE WHICH WAS RARE, AND ALWAYS WROTE THANK YOU NOTES , EVEN IF THEY SAID THANK YOU IN PERSON, IT WAS MANDATORY IN MY HOUSE, OR THEY DIDN'T GET TO SPEND A CHECK OR USE THE ITEM THEY RECEIVED !! WHETHER IT WAS CHRISTMSA OR BIRTHDAYS !!
KIDS THESE DAYS THINK THEIR OWED EVERYTHING AND HAVE NO CONCEPT OF MONEY AND HOW HARD IT IS TO EARN AND SAVE., AND WOULDN'T UNTIL THEY HAVE TO PAY FOR THE THINGS THEMSELVES. !!!
KIDS ALWAYS WANT ME TO COOK BECAUSE OF THE COSTS AND THEIR JUST PLAIN LAZY..WELL I AM MAKING A RESOLUTION:
I WILL NOT ALLOW OTHERS TO MAKE ME FEEL GUILT OR THAT I OWE THEM SOMETHING SPECIAL (MONEY OR GIFTS). AND I WILL NO LONGER BE COOKING, I'VE DONE MY DUTY ALL 38+ YEARS...IT'S TIME TO PASS THE POT HOLDERS AND EXPENSE, TIME, SHOPPING AND WORK, TO THE NEXT GENERATION, WOMEN AND MEN IN MY FAMILY, WHO ARE IN THEIR EARLY TO LATE 30'S I'M DONE.. COME 2010....AMEN !!!

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