WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S NO SANTA CLAUS??????
This is a matter which my fiance & I have thought about for awhile. but do not know how to proceed.... any advice given would be great!!!! My SS,11 started 6th grade this year but still believes in Santa, the tooth fairy, the Eater Bunny, etc. We are realistic that he is not as mature as most boys his age, which has always been a sweet trait of his, especially in a world where children are ALWAYS trying to be older than they are. Our fear is that this immaturity will cause him some "pain" in life at the hands of many of his classmates. The middle school years can be so tough, we do not want to see him have to face ridicule & harrassment due to his immaturity... or in this case, his lack of knowledge on "the real world". Teachers in 6th grade do not carry on the fantasies of the holidays & this is not the way we want him to find out. So, how do you tell your 11 y.o child there is no Santa... no Easter Bunny.... no Tooth Fairy without devestating him?
Unfortunately, I do worry
He's not the kind of child that takes change or "bad news" well. He's very sensitive.... has cried many times when hi sister has yelled at him (for something "unimportant"). I just don't want him to have more issues at school than he already does. Last year, we dealt w/ a small bullying issue & feel this could refuel the fire of those mean kids to taunt him some more this year.
And to answer your assumption... technically yes, he does have a mother... but she isn't in the picture (hasn't seen the children in 2 yrs & doesn't call on a regular basis), so I am not worried what she thinks or does in reference to our parenting since she doesn't do what she is supposed to for the children in the 1st place. But thank you for your kind words... they have made me feel a little better!!!
What doesn't kill you, will make you stronger!
Does your ss ever ask if
Does your ss ever ask if there really is an easter bunny, santa, etc. I went through this with my son although he was younger at the time, kids start telling other kids early there is no santa.
He swore he heard santa in his house and could not figure out how there was no santa. (it was my friend bringing in my presents) and putting them under the tree, my son was awake so he heard the car keys jingling and I told him it was santa (he was 4).
So at age 9 he still believed.
finally he asked me to tell him the truth, and i did because he was old enough and he really did want the truth. I was also wondering could he keep the fact that he believes to himself.
Maybe tell him most kids your age don't believe and that is their choice, you can believe as long as you want. Maybe just tell him thats his belief and not to mention it at school because kids will tell him he is wrong. Sorry that is the best I've got. which probably is not all that helpful
He has not asked
If he had asked, i would've loved the opportunity to say something close to what you suggested... but he did not. He hasn't even hinted that he has doubts!!! We jokingly said we would have his older sister tell him the truth b/c we don't know what else to do.... especially since neither one of us want the job of telling him this such news. Your advice was indeed helpful... thank you!!!
What doesn't kill you, will make you stronger!
Funny you should ask....
My bio son just turned 12 in August.... He has always talked about Santa and the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy.... I was really starting to wonder what was wrong with the kid! I asked him in a round-about way what he "thought" about Santa.... he responded by saying, "I think hes awesome!" I was kinda like.... really? This kid is going into the 7th grade.... if he talks about freaking fairies and Santa hes gonna get beat up...
A short time (a couple days) later I brought up the topic again when my son lost a tooth.... He kept going on and on asking how much money I thought the took fairy would bring.... I said, "what if the tooth fairy doesn't have any cash?" He asked "you don't have any cash?" I said.... "WHAT!! what did you just say??" My son pulled me close and whispered in my ear.... "mom... I'm not stupid.... I know they aren't real but I don't want Sissy (bd) finding out! Shes too young.... oh.... and are you still gonna pay me for my tooth?"
Gotta love this kid.... hes a crack up. I thought that was sooooo sweet that he wants to keep his sissy believing as long as possible....
Could this be your case? Are there younger kids around that ss is trying to protect?
Great story Conflicted!
What a good big brother... very sweet indeed!
It's nice to know I'm not alone
I had not thought that he might really know since he seems soooooo sonvinced otherwise. But he does have a younger brother (7 y.o), which he is close to, so he may be protecting him as you had suggested. I think I will feel him out on the subject of Santa, etc. & decide how to proceed from there. Askin him what he "thinks" about all these characters just might be the 1st step in the right direction since it opens a line of communication.... which he may feel is a "safe" time to confide in me about his beliefs. thank you so much for your advice!!!!
What doesn't kill you, will make you stronger!
I want BS to believe in them for as long as I can...
I don't recall finding out that there was no Santa (I was probably pretty young because we were pretty broke) but I do recall learning there was no tooth fairy (from my sister) when I was around 10 or 11 maybe and I was devastated! The hassassment from school kids might hurt a little more but it was really more about finding out the truth that hurt more than getting rediculed for me.
I wouldn't worry about it. Give them that fantasy for as long as you can. It will become a wonderful childhood memory for them someday!
DH was the "tooth dude" just last night to SS10
I told him (DH) "tooth fairies" fly but he said "tooth dudes" climb on bar stools to get up to SS in his 6 ft high loft bed. All was right with the world this morning 
Believing is the fun part
Lovinglife, that is really a cute story about the "tooth fairy vs. tooth dude"!!! I must admit, watching my 2 SS's (ages 11 & 7) open presents is a much more enjoyable experience at Christmas time than it is w/ my SD (age 14).... & I have to contribute it to the fact that the boys still believe in Santa. I just feel like I'm walking a fine line between allowing his fantasies & his humiliation/ pain if his classmates find out. It is just tough to watch someone you love deeply get hurt when it is something you could have helped him avoid to begin with. I know that every mom & step-mom can relate to that statement.... though I know we can't always protect them. Thank you for your encouraging words!!!!
What doesn't kill you, will make you stronger!
My BS stb 14 has never asked
My BS stb 14 has never asked me if there is no Santa, Bunny, etc, but I know he doesn't actually believe in them anymore. He asks what Santa is bringing him, tooth fairy, etc, but he does it with that little teenage smirk now, lol. The answer to any and all conversations about Santa around my mom (even now!) is that if you don't believe, you don't get any presents! So we have to at least fake it :-).
I think he figured it out around the 10/11 year old mark, but chooses to play along because if you don't, it ruins some of the magic
I think that a conversation
I think that a conversation about how people can believe different things is the norm. You can't always believe everything everyone else does, and at the same time, you shouldn't dis-believe either just because many people do. It's a choice we all make about many things. Religion is a perfect example. People are mocked for their beliefs for something as little as the Easter bunny or as profoundly personal as thier religion. This conversation could allow him to talk about what he believes in, including Santa.
You might also be suprised to find out that many kids keep the Christmas guy front and center for so long because of how much fun, we as parents, have with the whole thing. The children don't want to ruin it for US! lol
Good luck!
My daughter still says she
My daughter still says she believes in santa and she is 20. She doesn't actually believe in santa but she loves the excitement of Christmas and plays it up for the occasion. She still does it with the Easterbunny. However, there is no occassion for the toothfairy..lol.
Perhaps this is what your skid is doing.