Asking for help one last time before I go
I explained 2 months ago how my husband left me for anouther woman right after my mother passed away(read old posts for full details). Everyone tells me "he'll get his" or "its going to blow up in his face" the problem is EVERYTHING is working in his favor and I just can't believe it. I'm the one who lost most of my friends, have to spend holidays alone,and one one with money problems.
To make matters worse I'm partly to blame for his good fortune. I'm the one who left our condo and gave him everything. I'm the one who chose not to tell his boss(who thinks the world of me) my husband was cheating on me with a co-worker. My husband even told me if his boss found out he would be fired. I was the one who told his family not to get involved when they wanted to help me save my marrige. Why was I so nice to my husband after he did all this crap to me guilt,shock who knows but now I feel like a real ass.
The day I moved out my husband told me how much he still loves me and wanted to stay close friends. Well 2 weeks later he deleted ALL my photos from his facebook/my space/home. He also told me we could not hang out with me even for his son's sake as he was in a relationship now(meaning the scank he cheated on me with).I felt like saying where were your morals when you were cheating on me with her.
I ran into him at the store this weekend and he looks great,lost a ton of wieght. His family tells me how madly in love he is with this woman and they plan on moving in together soon.
My question is can anyone anwser HOW I can move on when everything seems to be falling apart for me and going so wonderful for my soon to be ex?
I thought he was getting a
I thought he was getting a new condo with the new woman? How come you left?
But regardless, Sarah, you will make it through this and be happy. One day you will be glad you are not with him. You will be with someone who values and adores you. Make that your standard! This guy sounds like a piece of work. If he doesn't want you, YOU DON'T WANT HIM. OR NEED HIM!
Take some time to think about what you want out of life and work on that, like minnemom said. Yes, you could have "gotten him fired." But at least you can look at yourself in the mirror and know you didn't stoop so low. I'm sure the boss will find out sooner or later, right? Maybe go to counseling for a while and process what happened, why it happened, etc. I've done that a few times and it's really helped me get my head on straight.
I've been through some crappy situations--like my daughter's dad cheating on me the whole time I was pregnant. I left him, went home to my parents and ended up in college, raising my daughter alone for a while. But now, 30 years later, I'm soon to be a grandmother and she is awesome. I've had a great life and career. I'm married to my soulmate. And my ex--he's still running around with all kinds of women.
He was but somehow I managed
He was but somehow I managed to talk him out of it and I left. The thought of me living alone in the condo we shared for 7 years with all the memories was more than I could bare. I wanted a fresh start but financially it was a bad move. I now live farther from work,pay 3 times the rent and had to go out and buy all new furniture.
Believe me, you do not want
Believe me, you do not want to be with a man that cheats. You are lucky to be rid of him----if she can get him, she can have him. It will hurt for awhile, but when the fog lifts you will be sooo glad he's gone.
Once a cheater, always a
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Very few exceptions to this rule. A few, but very few. I would guess that very soon, he will be cheating on her.
Not that you will gloat, but at least you won't get your heart broken again (and again, and again, and again).
Try to keep busy...volunteer, work overtime, whatever. You'll be too busy to think about him. And before you know it, you won't think about him as much. Then, very little.
You're so much better off without him.
I want to ditto everything
I want to ditto everything MinneMe said. Please don't put so much energy into seeing what the x is doing. He did not treasure you as his woman, and is a cheater. I know it is painful to just be basically erased by someone you love like that - but it was his choice and his doing.
Treasure yourself, and love yourself. Treat yourself the way you should be treated. Take small steps forward, find things you like, travel if possible, do things you like, meet new people. Get your mind off of him.
Eventually things will happen to him that he will not like..... and i am sure you will hear of it through the grapevine. He is doing those things to you because he thinks you are desperate for him. Screw him.
Put your concentration on yourself. You are what is important in this situation. Don't allow his actions to invade your situation any more. AND please remember looks can be deceiving.... He can look happy and have lost weight and everyone thinks he is happy.... BUT he could also be living in hell - and just trying to keep up pretenses cause he knows you are still looking at him and what he does.
********She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!************
Thank goodness this guy
Thank goodness this guy released you. You deserve to have someone who will worship the ground you walk on...even if its just you worshiping your own ground for a while. Besides, he's in his honeymoon phase so of course he's looking good.. Just give it a year and they'll have their own set of problems.
I know you're feeling aweful, a lot of us have been there, so we know how much you must be hurting. Please remember its nothing you have done. This is flaw in HIM. You'll heal from this eventually and walk away a stronger person.
Finances are tight but its practically nothing to soak your feet in something hot and sudsy. Just treat yourself even if its the little things.
Keep your chin up and you'll get through this.
Hey Sarah1971 Stop worrying
Hey Sarah1971
Stop worrying about him. What looks good on the outside(your ex) isn't always good on the inside.
Don't worry you will have brighter days and you will make it through..Just have faith!
P.S.
Why would you still wannna be friends and hang out with this asshole?
Take care of yourself.
"And this too shall pass..."
Sarah, when i posted last
Sarah, when i posted last night, I was in a bit of a hurry. I wanted to tell you about my ex. He's a chronic cheater.
I finally divorced him after 15 years of abuse and cheating. He even screwed my next-door neighbor. Talk about Peyton Place! Yikes! Our marriage was a nightmare, but I did STILL love him. I just couldn't do it anymore.
He moved out, and three weeks later he moved his girlfriend into his sparkly new downtown penthouse apartment. He decorated that place with gorgeous artwork, very nice (expensive) furniture, etc. I have to say I was pretty jealous. He was working out, looking good. When he was with me, he didn't do much but lie on the sofa, drink beer, and complain about what a lousy wife I was.
Anyway, fast forward. It's now the present. Seven years later. He looks ten years older than me (he is actually seven years YOUNGER). His girlfriend (same woman, believe it or not), looks ten years older than me (she is actually eight or nine years younger), He refuses to marry her, and he cheats on her constantly. Why she puts up with it, I have no idea. I guess she loves him, too. They can't even buy a house because of his ridiculous antics during the divorce (letting our house foreclose to spite me, etc.). They have both gained A LOT of weight.
I was miserable for a short bit. I volunteered like crazy, even did a stint as PTA President (something that gives me more of a sense of pride than I've ever had), got on some political committees, and the like. I kept really really really busy. Next thing you know, I felt better. I'm quite happy now, as long as my SKs from hell aren't torturing us.
When X left, of course I was sad, angry, etc. But I have to say that underneath the sadness, I immediately felt a sense of peace. I bet that peace is there for you, too. You just have to find it. And you will.
What you all said is true
What you all said is true but what is making this so hard I think is the fact i'm physically close(2 miles) from where my ex lives. So I dread running into him/GF so I end up sneaking around stores/restaurants/parks and/or end up staying in most of the time. I go to work and come and only go out when I need too. I would love to volunteer but again both my ex/GF are very active in the community and volunteer for a number of different causes.
The other reason is my only support system is his family. They have been ok and supporting for the most part but like the saying goes blood is thicker than water. When all this went down my ex avoided his family do to the fact he knew they would try and talk him out of leaving me. Now that things have cooled down and the holidays approaching hes trying to kiss their ass and sweep everything under the rug so he can replace me for the new GF with his family. As hard as it is I really feel I need to cut all ties(slowly) with his family. I believe they will always be friendly to me but do I really want to be around if this relationship between my ex and the GF works out. Do I want to hear if they get married have kids and live happily ever after GOD NO.
Hey, where ya goin? No need
Hey, where ya goin? No need to go anywhere honey-!! I am sorry this is happening but I predict it WILL get better for you-!!! Cheaters never win, they really don't, I have known some too. _________________________________________________________
"What luck for rulers that men do not think."
Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)