Advice am I wrong?
So my husband just got reunited with his BD after 17 years. BD is 18 and living with her BF. DH and I have been togeather for 16 1/2 years with 5 other children 21,19,18,15,12. I have done my best to include SD in family outings, over to house for dinner, horseback riding. I have told and showed her how much I care about her. However she only contacts me when she needs something,dental work, new cell phone, midol ECT. She calls or comes over to house to see her dad when I am working. I work 48-72 hours on and then 72- 96 hours off. She only comes to the house when I am working. Always has an excuse to not show for family functions. And totally disrespects me. Situations like this happen daily.
1-DH and I see SD at a football game. SD walks up and hugs her dad and talks to him and totally ignores me.
2-SD makes excuse that BF was at work is why she couldnt make family dinner. I talked with BF who was at home at 3:00 PM dinner was 7:00 PM. SO blank lie from SD.
3- Texts me and says dad said I was to ask you for a ride. Hubby never told her to call me.
So I asked my hubby to address these situations last night when they were sitting there texting. His reply was not through a text message. Well he will forget about addressing the situations when they are face to face because she only comes to house when I am gone. The 2 meetings we had as a family with everyone, so no one would feel singled out, my DH was way to nice and backed down and would not address the issues. During the meeting SD told DH I know how much your wife loves me but I dont know how much you love me. This was devastating to her dad. 2 days later she is talking smack about me to her dad.Which he never addressed either. What do I do? I feel this 18 year old is ruining my family. How do I get hubby to see the whole picture.
Be glad she only comes
Be glad she only comes around while you're at work. She is an adult. If she doesn't want to come for family functions so be it at least she was invited. If I were you, I just wouldn't go out of my way for her and I certainly wouldn't be carting her around. I'd tell her either she shows some respect for me or she loses my phone number. I certainly wouldn't worry about hurting her feelings. SHe's not a kid anymore and knows exactly what she's doing.
I agree with Totalybogus
I agree with Totalybogus above.
Don't get wrapped up in this kid. You've made the right moves and she's rejected them. Now you back off and let her find her way in this new situation.
Grow thick skin and ignore her smack talk. Nobody believes it when they hear it anyway.
Well lets see she told her
Well lets see she told her dad last night that she is done with him as long as I am in the picture............
Then I guess your troubles
Then I guess your troubles are over. She'll wind up groveling when she realizes that dad isn't going to drop you just because she threw out the gauntlet. She'll finally learn her place.
Yeah call the bluff
Yeah call the bluff IMMEDIATELY...and although i've seen some regard to her as an adult in this thread, she is clearly still a child and acting very much like one...you have your own children to care and worry for...and if your husband can't see she is playing him and doesn't care it's causing problems in the family...ITS HIS PROBLEM...but you make damn well sure that he knows you won't stand for it!
Good Luck!