New step mom, need some serious help!
I recently got married and my husband has three kids ages 13, 12 & 7. Mom dropped them off 3 years ago and said she didn't want them anymore and left. She calls once in a while when she is drunk.
When we first moved in together the SS13 was all thrilled to be moving since their living arraingments were not the greatest in the world. Now that I have imposed some rules as not being able to eat in the room, not being able to hang out in the living room and giving him some chores to do such as cleaning their room and throwing out the thrash, he all of a sudden wants to move out. He says that he does not want to take care of his sister only if he gets paid, he does not want to take care of the dog he so begged for and he just wants his freedom, he's 13!!. He's not wanting to do his homework and all he wants to do is ride his bike and play with his friends. Dad is willing to let him go to live with his aunt but I don't think that is a good idea but if he does I just hope his aunt gives him rules and chores if not this kid will turn out really bad, am I right?? Please help!
NO, it doesn't....
make you a bad person for wanting to help out and do his part.
There are rules everyone should have to follow. He is going to have real culture when he becomes and adult. Then he finds out no matter who you are - there is always going to be someone around who has to tell you what to do - your boss and societal norms.
Keep in mind, what you are seeing though is a teenager. It goes with the territory of being a teenager.
Their dad is doing the child no favors by allowing him to run from problems - moving out just so he does NOT have to do chores or mind. DH should be wanting to step up to the plate and unite with you as DH & SM.
You're not responsible.
You are not responsible for how this lad turns out. You are also powerless when it comes to steps. The bio-parent has all the authority. If you have a problem with a kid you discuss it with Dad in private then back up his decision 100%.
You will not be responsible for how this kid turns out - good or bad.
Frankly I'd be glad the kid is leaving. The worse years are yet to come and if Auntie wants the kid to come back you do have veto power over who lives in the home. However if I were Dad I'd toss you instead of the kid.
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It may be that 50 years from now the only important thing you did in this life is to be important in the life of a kid.
This response is to Orange
This response is to Orange County CA. Are you really saying what I read:
However if I were Dad I'd toss you instead of the kid.
I think that comment was totally uncalled for. This caring person wants to ensure this child has a good upbringing and be a responsible adult.
Wow, thanks Orange County,
Wow, thanks Orange County, is that what you really wanted to do with your second wife? Or was it too late after she got prego? That is exactly why I will not have anymore kids and especially with my second husband so that if his kids drive me crazy I don't have to wait to get the boot I can simply walk away and with my sanity!!
"However if I were Dad I'd
"However if I were Dad I'd toss you instead of the kid." I find it hard to believe that you said that.
JamaicanMeCrazy Ditto ~ OC,
JamaicanMeCrazy
Ditto ~ OC, did someone tinkle in your cornflakes this morning or what? This SM asks a perfectly logical question, voices CONCERN regarding her SS, and you make a statement like that? Whoa! I sure hope you haven't turned in to one of the trolls that occasionally rear their ugly mugs! But then again, at least she didn't have to endure your normal "I wrote this awhile back" speech. Chill, man!