if you consider that a joy....... i really don't find any joy or benfits of being a SM...... not trying to be pessimistic, but really skids just were part of the package and i loved dh enouogh to accept it............ i still resent what skids represent --- i wish i didn't, but it's a constant reminder of his past....... now, i have my past, too --- which probably was a hell of a lot crazier then dh's ---- i traveled, partied and married later......... the thing is i don't have the baggage that is in his face all the time..... i find myself having good days & bad days when skids are around, but truly this site has helped me more than i can explain..... look forward to seeing some posts of joy & benefits i may be able to relate to.......

but some people are able to paint a much prettier picture.........

i find it very....idk, like i feel trapped. bf and bm make all the decisions, even though i have taken care of sd11 more than the 2 of them. i am treated like shit and everyone justifies it that sd has been though 'so much'. but if i get mad at her then im evil. an article someone posted earlier says it all.

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I had hopes that you guys would be able to enlighten me to the part of step-parenting that maybe I wasn't getting. I'm resentful and unhappy and I guess back to just trying to survive the next couple years until SS goes to college - PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE....I about exploded when i was told that BM thinks she has some deadly disease and the SD (mind you, who is 22 1/2) might have to live with us!!!! It's her or me. She is a prima dona BITCH, spoiled wrotten by daddy (DH) .... my response was "what the hell is wrong with getting a job and an apartment like most 22 year olds?! I can just see the SS wanted to stay on after HS now....NO WAY....I love DH dearly and we get along sooooo well without the kids around....but I swear I'll take my BD and leave until he gets rid of the spoiled brats. i sound awful, but he just doesn't see any of it. When I hear either of them say "daddy....." I know something is coming that I'm not going to like. He is so friggin wrapped.

I agree everyone - there is no joy in being a steparent for me either. It is very, very, sad....I have a lot more to say but my day has been shitty enough and I don't need yet another reason to wallow in self-pity....

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

I can only speak for myself... but there are 2 things I find "joy" in from being a step-parent

1. I feel that it's an extension of my love for my husband more than words, more than gifts, more than nights alone, or private talks. To me, it's a kind of selfless love and was part of "my acceptance of him". He accepted my baggage and I , his. That was at the beginning. And now, that we have grown as a family, I know that brings me to #2.

2. I feel like I'm making a difference in SD's life. Whether my influence will be good for her down the line, or blow up in my face (!!) remains to be seen. But right now, I am helping her grow up and I think that's pretty important!! And I look forward someday to being a "grandma" and celebrating life with this girl who is as close to a daughter as I will ever know.

There are lots of women on here and some men too that I think will share my #1 and #2 joys. Just because they didn't post, doesn't mean it's not there.

I know it's all butterflies and rainbows.... but if I could give you something... it would be #1 and #2....

Best wishes....

*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***

I find complete joy in being a step parent. I completely adore him. He is an extremely well behaved he loves me as much as I love him, and he is the happiest little boy I have ever met in my life.

All of the difficulties I have in regards to being a step parent are in DIRECT relation to his MOM. Has nothing to do with HIM at all, whatsoever! I take joy in every aspect of being a parental figure to him. every HUG, every paper brought home from school... everything. Just as my own girls. It is rewarding in it's own way. My girls love me because I am their mom... SS loves me because he WANTS to, dispite all of the horrible things his mom has told him about me, dispite the fact that his parents divorced and I am now a huge part of his life, and dispite the fact that people confuse me for his MOM very often. He loves me, and I love him. SS needs some example of how a family is supposed to be. Some relationship in his life to be an example of how a husband is to treat a wife, how a mom is to treat their kids... how a normal family functions... not that we are perfect... but any sense of normalcy is better than what he gets at his moms house. It is NOT normal to collect welfare and unemployment, it is NOT normal to date a different person every week and introduce them to your young kids, it is NOT normal to make your kid late to school because you wanted to sleep in... I get to be the POSITIVE influence in his life, and I will take complete credit (as well as DH) when he turns out to be a normal functioning adult DISPITE the horrible example that his mother is to him. THAT I take GREAT JOY IN!!!

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ ; )

At first, honestly, I wasn't crazy about the idea. I mean, I fell in love with DH. And then he had ALL this baggage to deal with. Older daughter that everyone felt was perfect. Younger adopted daughter with problems that every seemed to think was the devil. Ex-wife who was fine as long as DH did EXACTLY what she said, and as long as I recognized that SHE was the one in control, and I could have DH whenever she didn't need him for something (like walking her dog, or driving her to the airport, or taking the kids when she couldn't, etc.). It was tough at first, feeling like 80% of our relationship revolved around his life, his baggage, and the needs of all the people who felt like they should come first in his life.

Fast forward three years. My younger stepdaughter just about crushes me when she hugs me hello. My older stepdaughter asks me for advice about applying to college. I have lost both my parents, have no siblings and no kids, so I feel like I've gained not only a husband, but a family. If it weren't for my DH and my stepkids, I wouldn't have any family at all (well, other than aunts and uncles and cousins whom I've never been close to). So, I'm actually thankful that it isn't just DH and me. Makes Christmas and Thanksgiving a lot merrier. And I do feel like I get a lot (not most) of the perks of being a mom, without some of the hassles and heartache. But then, in my situation, both of my stepdaughters like me. I'm sure if that wasn't the case, I might not even feel like it was worth it to be in this relationship. Even though I love my husband to death, it might just be too hard and too painful to be hated for no reason I could control and for nothing I had any responsibility for.

BB

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

whats not to love i mean we get walked all over, we get told were not the their mom, we get to feel like it's not our place to say too much or too little, we can never just feel at home and relaxed because if we make the slightest wrong move skids run to bm and tell her everything (along with some things that didnt even happen) then you get something in the mail saying dh is being brought back to court and smom did this this and this and it will be addressed in court (omg i raised my vioce to oldest sd GOD FORBID!) we get to buy them gifts for all the holidays and just get o well thanks then piss and moan in your face a hr later when you ask them to do something,you get the joy of when you say no they run to dh and ask him and then make up stories about you,
you get the joy of them saying they wish you and and bio kids never came into dh's life.
I MEAN COME ON SERIOUSLY WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE! the things we do for dh's we should be considered gods!!
**kats**

I am going to join the minority list... I find tremendous joy in being a SM. DH and I have SS6 full time, so I am the mom, have always been treated like such on most issues. I do all the things a mother should do with their child, from getting him up and ready for school, playing games, discipline, cooking dinner, tucking him in bed at night with I love yous...and the joys go on!
I know that this little man needs me in his life and vise versa, there is no greater joy in that!

I don't understand all these women and men that go on and on how they aren't happy with the skids and what not, it's not comprehendable to me. It is really sad. Sure there are moments that SS6 drives me batty, but that hasn't and won't change the way I feel about him!

Well, when they start to like you better than their own mother... I guess Im doing something right, but..
BIG BUT
at this point, im going to say nothing...im angry at the world

mother goose..Joy.. You got that boy at a young age. I am so envious. Young enough to need you and to be so innocent. I got mine when she was 14, already developed, and deciding that she wants to be hateful to everyone. You should consider yourself very lucky. My step mother was brought in to my life when I was very young and I adore her now and always have. You have so much to look forward to with yours. For the rest of us that get them when they already know what evil is, I pray for you all.