for one just in case.

You have already started the foundation that will allow you to counter or attack any moves BM may make during this process. Information. Keep every receipt and log every conversation with BM in a journal. Log anything and everything that the Skid says about BM and what goes on in BMs home. If it is legal in Michigan I would start recording every telephone conversation that you and FH have with BM or the Skid. The Judge may or may not allow you to present the information but you will have it at your finger tips to answer any questions the Judge asks or to counter anything the BM or her attorney may say.

If you have extensive documentation you will likely find that what your FH has to say will have more weight and credibility with the court.

As for the impact of a court action on CS. Google "Michigan Child Support Calculator". You will get about 178,000 hits. Find the official state on-line calculator and plug in all of the information the calculator asks for. This is a great tool to determine what the impact of income and % parenting time on any CS that your FH may owe and may help you determine how much time you want to push the court for. I would suggest that you also research any Supplemental Rules and Guidelines in your County of Jurisdiction. In our case the Supplement Guidelines keep BioDad on the hook for CS until the Skid is age 21 as long as the Kid is a full time college student. So, when our Son (My SS) turns 18 visitation stops but CS is enforced until age 21. These rules may not help your FH but being fully informed may help him avoid any surprises.

You can also use Calculator to estimate how much CS BM is getting from BioDad#1 and BioDad#2 also. If you really want to know. You can research on-line to determine wage and income ranges for different jobs and professions in your county in order to help you estimate how much BM makes and how much the other two BioDads make. I doubt the court will consider BM's CS income from other spermdonors but if you want to know you can probably put together a pretty good estimate.

As for paying CS directly to BM or to the courts...... The UNIFORM CHILD CUSTODY JURISDICTION AND ENFORCEMENT ACT will likely not give you any choice. It is my understanding that since 1994-1997 that most courts implement automatic wage withholding for CS. Employers withhold the CS $ from NCP payroll checks and submit it to the CS enforcement agency for distribution to the CP.

If your FH has a choice I would go for payment to the Court. That pulls any ambiguity over whether payment was made completely out of the picture and takes at least one thing that BM can bitch about off of the table.

From what you describe your FH may want to go for custody. BM's lifestyle sounds like it could be capitalized on as being not in the best interest of the Skid. Your FH may want to investigate taking advantage of that opportunity.

BTW, the BioDad in our situation sounds like your BM's twin brother. He has four out-of-wedlock children by three different Mothers. My SS is his oldest but is an only child in our home.

Congrats on Grad School by the way. My wife and I both have fond memories of the crazy life we had when we were both in Grad School, working and raising our Son. (My SS) It may seem daunting now but these are the times that make great family and marriage memories. Hang in there.

This is all just my layman's opinion so do your due diligence in researching your options and preparing for whatever BM decides to pull out of her butt.

Welcome to the community. I hope you find it a good place to vent, contribute and get some good inputs from other SParents.

Good luck and best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

I think going thru the courts is the best way to go. That negates any chance of BM getting mad and withholding visitation. It keeps BM from filing back CS, or changing her mind last minute or making stupid demands. Actually, it won't, but having a CO in place does make things easier. I would choose to have CS deducted from his check. Less interaction with BM, she can't claim to not have gotten the check or claim it was a gift or whatnot. Most require that CS be withheld, but if both parties agree that can be waived.

Can he try to go for 50/50? You guys are in the same town, so can you do a Sun-Wed/Wed-Sun split? Or week on week off? Keep records of what days you have your SD. Try to show a set schedule that will show the courts that you can provide a consistent and stable life for the child. If she has already filed, your DH should be served shortly. Or he can go to the courthouse and get a copy from them. Is she filing with the family court for visitation, custody and child support, or is she going thru DCS just for child support?

You would have heard something by now. It generally takes 7-10 days after receipt of papers for the judge to sign off on it. If it has been longer, petitioner is supposed to call in to find out status. Once the papers have been signed, petitioner then serves papers to respondent, and a copy of papers needs to be sent to DCS to start CS. DCS then sends papers to respondent to start the payment process.

Take the ball out of her court and file papers yourself. First you'll have to establish paternity if that has never been done. As of now, I would not continue child support payments, especially if it has never been court ordered as everything you pay will be considered a gift. Put the money away in savings.

I'm also against EOW, especially if you live minutes apart. CS does depend on number of overnights. DCS will count the number of overnights for the year, and base CS off of that. If you take her for a night or two during the week, but that is not outlined in the visitation papers, DCS will not count that. They do not consider maybe's, or sometimes, or once in a while. I would file EOW, and half weeks. Have everything outlined for when you file. Holidays, summers, school vacations, birthdays, everything. Be as fair as you can.

Everything I have stated above is how FH and I have handled things, and have come from my experience with our states guidelines. Check with your state, but it should be generally the same for the basics.

Check with the courts to see if anything has been filed. Your BF would probably have to do this. If she has snot filed, I would definitely do it first.