After reading many of the posts, I realize my issues seem pretty small compared. I guess I am just looking for some empathy from others who understand.

I am hardly a wall flower. My tongue is not in my pocket, yet I always end up holding it when issues about the step kids arrise because it isn't worth the fight with my husband. He doesn't always approve of what they do but I feel he enables them.

Mother of two kids, I am stepmother of four. All adults. My husband and I have been together 12 years. My boys have worked since they were 16, gone to college and always kick in at home when they visit. His four have alcohol issues, drug issues and lazy issues, and yes I blame thier mother for most of it. Have all lived with us at one time or another, have totaled our car, been in jail and rehab, and seldom contribute to the household when here, well you get the picture.

The 41 year old boy hasn't worked in five years. Has only done odd jobs. (has a degree too). The 32 year old boy barely speaks to us because he owes us money, (yea I know it's nuts). The two girls each have two kids by different fathers, they smoke pot all day and drink like crazy.

Whenever I take a stand and say "NO" I end up in a big fight with my husband.

My most current issue and question to all of you is this, if his oldest had his mothers car and it died in front of your house would you call AAA to get it towed (on your AAA account) or would you tell him he needed to call his mother? A big argument ensued when I told my husband I refused to do this. His ex knew the car had this issues for two years.

Then if he needed a car for a few days (he's painting a house)would you lend him your husbands, especially since he used his fathers car for six months last year, never once even offering to pay for even an oil change. I work all day and my husband is disabled, that left him at home without a vehicle.

I feel everytime we give to these kids they really don't appreciate it. The oldest has been known to have a drink or two and drive. And now I found out he transported his mother in OUR CAR last week when hers was being fixed after having a couple of beers.

I guess I am just having a hard time with setting boundaries for my husband more than the kids. At what point is it better to just throw up your hands and say "okay do what you want but don't come crying to me when you see they don't appreciate a thing you do for them or we have another wrecked car".

I gave his 28 yr old daughter a stackable washer and dryer almost two months ago. (used, my son had them in college) She still hasn't come to get them even after I told her if you don't get them soon I will sell them.

How do I set boundaries without getting in fights with my husband?