This is by her choice. She hates me for some reason unknown to anyone. I can only assume it is because I get to help care for her boys and I married her ex. She talks poorly about me to the skids. She talks poorly about to my DH. I have NEVER done anything to this woman. I just feel bad for the skids. We have 50/50 placement. They live at our house every other week. It is really odd that she is so hateful to me.

The sad thing is that they are wonderful skids. Handsome, intelligent, and athletic. I love them to death. Kids say the funniest things and I wish I could share those comments with her. I wish I could call her up while I am shopping and say "hey, what size of "X" do you think would work for skids" or "hey I have a question on medicine or SS2 asthma". But nope, she does not want to speak with me and wants to pretend I dont take care of her boys so she misses out. It is a very sad situation in my opinion.

I have an exH and he used to have a wonderful GF. Her and I got along well. We chatted about the kids. She helped me decide on a good haircut for my BD when we finally let BD cut her long hair. She kept my kids clean, clothes matched, well fed, etc. I appreciated it. But....I was so over my Ex and I am comfortable with the fact that kids can love another woman and I am still the mom. I think it is a security issue. I find it rather sad.

"God grant me the serenity accept the things I cannot change; the strength to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference."

Hi Stuknaz,
I have NO communication with the BM. Not that she's ever said anything nasty to me but she's just difficult to get along with. She doesn't even get along with her own family and doesn't seem to care. Not that age matters, but she's mid 50's and very domineering and set in her ways. She's very involved in her son's activites but DH has limited time due to owning a very demanding business. Of course, BM throws that up in his face and doesn't help make the son available when there IS time. We live in the country...she'll pass me on the road and totally ignore me. I probably make matters worse because I overly wave and smile to her like she's my best bud. I hope it ticks her off since she's so cold to me. I think the biggest problem we have as a family is that there is no communication with BM. As agrivating as it is, everyone needs to get on the same page for the sake of the kids. When there's tension between the adults, we can't expect the kids to behave in a mature manner either. They can't have priviledges in one home and have them taken away in another...they'll just run to the home of least resistance and where they think THEY have the most control. On another note, I hope the Lacrosse coach puts your son on playing probation until he can act appropriately and not get kicked completey off the team. Sometimes if they don't have a positive influence, they could unfortunately go the other way into something negative that occupies their evil brains.

And it's been six years.

Oh, wait...
I DID say something to her on Christmas Eve, but it couldn't really be classified as a conversation.

She has this "pattern" of dropping off the girls and then calling the house for them like five minutes later, as if there's some BIG EMERGENCY. Truth be told, she just loves to "stir the pot". Or she's bored. Or she just wants to talk or hear herself talk. (she's a classic attention whore).

Anyway, she already purposely called in the middle of our Thanksgiving Dinner, while we were saying grace. And she knew we were eating- it was 4:30. So I let it slide and let the call go to the answering machine, but EVERYONE KNEW I was pissed!

But on Christmas Eve, she did it again- called not five minutes after the girls got to the house. So I answered it this time (I NEVER answer it when she calls).

And I didn't let her even say a word. I just laid into her.
I said, "You will not call this house EVER AGAIN. The girls all have cell phones- which, by the way, WE pay for. Call them on the cell phones if you need to call them. There's no f'n emergency, so there's no reason you need to be calling already- five minutes after you dropped them off at the house. They are with their father now. Leave them ALONE. Why do you think they are not answering their cell anyway? They dont want to talk to you? Get a life. Get a hobby. But do not call this house and leave us the F alone. Do you understand????

And I hung up. DH wasn't particularly happy with me but I really didn't care.

But she hasn't DARED to call the house since then. Shock and surprise!

"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"

I have tried having communication with her. She is very young..and me being "old" in her eyes..lol..she has called me a few times to actually talk about my FH's role as a dad..I've had very lengthy conversations with her - even offering to help her enroll in college classes...but than as soon as we get off phone she backstabs me and calls me names..so I no longer communicate with her. She called my cel the other night when FH wouldn't answer and I just hit reject.
"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"

However she has recently decided to talk to DH at pick up and drop off after two years-only to tell him about the latest drama in her life (like he is her best friend or something) he has taken to saying "gotta go"-

Zippy's BM has some mental issues-so her "communication" with us is sproadic-like everything else in her life.

I wish she would find someone who could put up with her world (the one that revolves solely around her)-get a huge house with swimming pool-and every electronic thing imaginable and that Zippy would go live with her 24/7.....

There I go hallucinating again....

Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!

With its ups and downs, in general I'd say my husband pushes (or used to push) me too much to talk to her, I'd tell him something to ask/tell her he'd be like "you tell her"...

I somewhat agree, because my husband works a lot, and we (BM and I) don't, so we are the ones who are supposed to arrange the picking and dropping of SD5 at her Prek, therefore using my husband when he is at work as a middleman is pointless and he hates it, but she refuses to communicate with me because "he is the father" and she is supposed to talk to him not me. So she used to call him ask something, then he would call me get the answer, call her back tell her, and this could go on and on and on.

Especially now, after an issue in which we (DH and I) made it clear that phone calls are ONLY fot things that need immediate response or emergencies, and the rest EMAIL, but she said she WILL NOT BE communicating via email...

~You can see clearly only with your heart. What is truly important is invisible to the eyes~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's

She has never called me "names" but she has talked Sh!t about me and has questioned my abilities as a mother, when her abilities are the ones that are lacking. She also told SD5 that her brother, (my bioson) who became her brother when he was about 5 months old, and she loves him to death (he is not my DH's bioson, but he is the only father figure he has had). BM told her brother wasn't her brother. that was cold, we never really lied to her, she knew that he wasn't born with her "daddy's" help, but still that is HER BROTHER, they love each other!.

She also told my husband that just because I'm from another country the court wouldn't consider us as a "stable home" blah blah, and other things, that just make me dislike her, because her point of view is really retarded and she thinks she knows so much about everything, but she doesn't know sh!t...

So.... NO we are NOT in speaking terms!!!!

~You can see clearly only with your heart. What is truly important is invisible to the eyes~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's

We have fought through email twice, thats the only communication we've ever had. I've only seen her a total of 3 or 4 times (she lives far away - thank God) but none of those times, except the first time I met her (one single word - hi), have I spoken to her.

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"

The three times I have actually been in her presence. Otherwise, no contact. I actually thought that maybe after we assumed custody of SD she'd want to talk to me, something. but no, she has no interest in communicating with SD's new mom, or even with SD for that matter.

I have been by SD and BF's side on many occasions when they've engaged with her, and as a result I am sure the situation is better with us not speaking. I would not handle her irrational screaming and visciousness with the diplomacy they do, that's for damned sure.

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein

Sure, I'd call her if one of the SD's was hurt and she needed to swoop in and drama it up. I'll throw her a grimace and a wave at school events while she tries to show everyone how nice she is.

Beyond that, I hide in any part of the house when she picks the kids up. I try to take my kids with me so she doesn't feel it necessary to correct, touch or baby MY children. This is what its come to after she tries to manipulate, probe for info or judge any other conversation we've ever had. That, and the last time we "talked" I corrected her while she was being a freak and she called my voice mail and proclaimed she was "Done being nice to you!!!!"

Thankfully, there isn't a lot of need for interaction. I still wish every day that she would go on a pilgrimage to find herself somewhere far, far away from me.

If we see each other we might say hi but for the most part in the 6 yrs FH and I have been together we have probably said maybe 10 words to each other.

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

I have been in several verbal altercations with BM via email also! I try to communicate with her ONLY in regards to the kids but on occasion I would receive cute emails or friendly emails and I would email those to her. We CAN get along but for some reason one of us or both of us end up at each others throat for whatever reason. This last time for me was in Jan of this year. I blocked all ways for her to communicate with me. That's when she started the whole fubar drama crap with me. I just refuse to volunteer any info in regards to the kids and my husband feels the same way. We give her info she needs to know or should know but she just has that eh whatever kinda of attitude as if she doesn't care. And since my skids (mostly SD) thinks BM is such a great parent, we decided to let them see for themselves that BM DOESN'T take or make the effort to get or stay involved in areas where she should. By that I mean she has a mouth, if she wants to know how the kids are doing in school she can ask us or the kids instead of us ALWAYS telling her or having the kids tell her whats going on.

In answer to your question. We CAN get along but I just choose to keep my distance for the most part. But if she asks me during drop offs or pick ups how the kids are doing in then I can have a civil conversation with her and when I do I ONLY do it for the kids sake!

Deleted for PRIVACY PURPOSES

Until last sunday hahaha I heard from my H Mom thats she was furious that I was talking crap about her. She use to say to me "you didnt get me pregnant , He did" and I answered her and he regrets it everyday hunny.

I introduced myself to her in June. So she would be able to put a name with a face since DH and I were getting married in Aug.

They have not been together for 7 years. She literally flipped. She has lied on me to her lawyer, and a counselor accusing me of abuse of her daughter.

I don't speak to her.... however i do support my sd. I attend everything i can for my sd. Because no matter what her mom tells her I want her to know that i love her.

So i go to bday parties, receitals, graduations, pickups everything. AND smile. She hates it.

Whatever - it's not about her. It is about my SD. I treat her just like my own BD. I attend as much as i can for my "kids".

and H ( her ex) has very little. She has run out of things to blame him on, complain about and she knows we will call the police on her if she shows up here again as she has no reason to show up here, more so because she is always thtowing a fit when she has.
No one has ever invited her over but she has come over.
Over time, H has stopped any phone calls, I do not talk to her and its no worry to me.
I can't wait until youngest turns of age/ graduates and we are done paying her cs...
I'd like to get her a card saying "adios" and sign it
Sincerly, the new and better wife.

hahaha

You are not alone. I have Z-E-R-O contact with her. She has lied and disrespected and motioned as if she would fight me before. I have removed myself from teh equation. I let DH deal with her. She thinks that she can pick and choose when it is convenient to deal with me. DH can't stand her guts so if she was smart, she would have tried to work WITH me rather than feel his wrath. She tries to disrespect me to DH and he gives her an earful that makes her Psycho head spin like a top. We leave her be. We don't even speak anymore, not even to the point of cordiality. That woman is nothing but trouble. She has filed false reports with CPS and lied to the kids and PAS as much as she can. It worked for a minute, but the PAS doesn't really work now as the kids are older and rationalizing her sick little ways. They hear her say one thing and do another. Too many broken promises that it no longer works.

We just don't deal with her PERIOD. We've tried every avenue and she has exhausted them all. She does not want to work with us. She wants to control us and that is not an option.

Once had a situation where she was supposed to have the kids. DH was away. She did not get the kids. That left ME with the kids. SS was a bear to deal with that weekend. I called BM to ask her to have a talk with SS (pained me to ask her for anything, but I couldn't reach DH and I was at the point of getting ready to lay hands on the child and not in the biblical sense). So, the minute BM hears that it is ME she says "I am not going to discuss my kids with you. Have DH call me. CLICK." Then she went back and lied and told DH that she told me that it was an inconvenient time to speak personal business since she was at work and others were there. From then on I instituted the get your kids when DH is away so that way there are no problems. Funny thing is that she opts NOT to get them, but she stays the hell out of my way. NOPE don't deal with her AT ALL!!!

Anyone can take the easy way out and blame others. BUT it takes a a person of character to take a look at one's self and actions and own responsibility for their part. ~ ME ~ }:-P

brought to my attention is that there are many game playing sm's too... add that in with a game playing BM and you have one big mess. Takes 2 to tango.
Although BM in my situation may be evil, manipulative, sit around thinking up ways to make things hard for people... she has become powerless to become strong because we don't play with her. Guess for some the BS will go on on a regular and frequent basis due to having 2 people who both want to screw with each other.
Sure am glad I don't have that situation and knew better than to dance with the she-devil.
People really need to understand that they would have a lot more success to not get involved in the games, rather than try to outdo the other. In the end they will be the ones who lose....

When we still lived near it would flip flop from her being nicey-nice or ignoring me. (we went to the house to see the kids mostly when she wasn't home, they are older and of course rarely came to see DH) I never trusted her at all,

Now she calls rarely on his cell, not the house LOL. When we visited a few months ago, I said hi and that was it. DH HATES talking to her.
Sometimes I think these situations are a shame and a sign of how immature some of these people are. Why the hard feelings and BS when we had NOTHING to do with the divorces?

Confrontation of any kind means she would have to have an end point or deal with you as a human and I think these woman NEED the drama. I always look at the other relationships in a persons life when I am assessing my role in the drama. My BM does not keep a friend male or female or a job or a spouse. She needs me to be the distraction to what is her real problem, herself and her mental illness. I truely believe she would have treated any woman in DH life the very same way bc this is about her failures and insecurities not me.
She still pisses me off, I can not deny that!

oh boy! This is a fun one!

We have never been on speaking terms really, the occassional hi and small talk when she would come pick up SS, my DH has full custody- SS sees his BM on Sundays.

But now that we are in court process, her parents come to pick him up and drop off. DH gets the occasional text but he is not allowed to have texting conversations with her due to court.

But now, the ss is "scared of me" and my children teach him how to swear (when she allows it at her house) and my children are abusive. I've been nothing but nice to her, she and her husband moved into a house, I gave her all of our pots and pans and such (she had nothing) just so I knew that SS would have some decent stuff when he went over there.

I've had to get onto her a few times for trying to contact my 13 yr old daughter through myspace because "noone would be upfront with her about stuff" and mentioning that my kids are hurting ss. I told her to keep my children out of her mouth and if she has nothing nice to say than shut it.

Bm always texts me when she wants the kids. And i text her about how they are doing. Skids live with us. Dh and bm dont even have each others numbers. Havent spoken in years

I know that BW has talked to SS8 and FH about me and that she hates when I take care of SS8 or drop him off at her house when FH is working.
But, oh well. I've never talked to the bitch and don't intend on starting now.
In fact a couple of weeks ago (remember, she is blind..) I went to pick up SS8 from his Nanny's house where they both were. I waited inside the door for SS8 and I saw BW following SS8 around with her cane to say goodbye to him.
Well, he ran for the door and I told him to say bye to everybody and he stood in front of me and shouted it into the house to no one in particular. Well he ran out the door and when I turned around to shut the door she was walking towards the door to say bye to SS8 and I shut the door in her ugly face.
It was a small victory for me in my head, but since she couldn't see me do it, it was kind of pointless. Oh well.

Never met or spoke with BM. However, being that skids are adults now, I just don't see the point. Quite frankly, when MIL told me that BM is just like SD, I lost any interest in knowing her. Don't need two of those in my life. Why open a can of worms?

I am on communication terms with her and I play nice for the sake of the kids. BM expects me to be "friends" with her. We are to a point but I limit what I discuss regarding my plans or my life. I will gladly discuss the kids but I'm off limits.

I very rarely talk to the money grubbing bitch, oh, I'm sorry, was that my outloud voice?! The egg-donor, rather.

I think I gave up after she got pissed off at DH because when it came time to make arrangements to pick up SS for 4th of July weekend, 2008, he made the mistake of saying, "According to the parenting plan I get him this year."

That phrase, referring to the parenting plan that SHE had drawn up with her Paralegal before the divorce, pissed her off so much, she snapped at all of us, with her son witnessing the entire diatribe!

"That's just a GUIDELINE" she snapped back to me when I said, "You were the one who designed it, why are you so upset?" I just turned my head after she said, "You need to stop butting in, it's NOT your business." I didn't answer her, look at her or acknowledge that she was even speaking to me, just turned up the radio so I didn't have to hear her whining.

The only things I say to her is if it involves Ched's health...like if/when he's had his meds. That's it. She's not worth my time.

~*~Cheer up! It could be worse.
I cheered up, & it got worse!~*~

Im pretty much in the exact same situation as you. she calls me all sorts of names but never to me, of course. she acts like i do nothing although i am raising her child that she hasnt seen in going on two months now.
my ss4 is mixed. last time dh saw bm - about three months ago - she told him that we are not allowed to put his hair in "those little black styles" because she "doesnt want people to think that her son is a little black kid". well, i have a million adorable pictures of him, and i mean precious, and i gave copies of all of them to everyone in his life/family except her. i figured that since she didnt want to see her son looking like the beautiful mixed child that he is... well then, she really didnt need any pictures of him with "those little black twisty things" in his hair.

Well if she didn't call me the "little ole wife" I might try - the woman is too wicked and stupid for words. She's just jealous of my beauty and intelligence.

I have had no contact. Whenever I attend one of the kid's games, she has a hissy fit. She says all kinds of choice things about me. The 5 year old is fond of telling me how much his mommy hates me. He loves me though and doesn't think it's cool to hate someone you don't know-the kid is smarter than his mother! She trash talks me and the kid's dad, even after we have told her that the kids have repeatedly asked that she stop because they love their dad and it hurts them to hear bad stuff about him. She doesn't care. She only cares about herself.
I have never known a human being like her and I certainly wouldn't be friends with a selfish witch like her. She doesn't care about those kids. She is jealous of me and it's just sad. I'm more successful than her, more educated, happier, younger and prettier. I don't mean to sound like I'm all that but, I am all of those things and she continues to show me every day how jealous she is of me.

she hated me when i started dating my now husband. last halloween she went off on me because it was my husband and i turn to take the kids trick or treating. dad couldn't make it because of night school and mom said those were her kids and she would be taking them out thank you (she was very rude about it). Made me feel like i was nothing to those kids. i tried so hard up to that point to be nice to her. things for me have never been the same. now i have a 2 month old and she wants to be friends. i am trying but can't get passed the way see use to treat me. use to talk crap about me around her kids, talking crap to my husband about me, just plain being mean.

She used to run her mouth all the time at the exchanges, running us down, calling H dirty names infront of the child. We started recording everything she said and it all got played in court. It must kill her to know she can't open that trap of hers without the courts knowing what she is saying. When I do have to say anything to her it is only about the child, short, to the point and civil. Even though it kills me to be nice. But it kills her even more that im nice to her. In the past few years she has flattened my tires, signed us up for over 50 magazine subscriptions, made false abuse reports and the list goes on. Btw we are the ones that have custody not her, and it's her fault that she lost it.

I talk to the BMs but my DH is military so I feel like I have to. We can't just stop making sure they're ok because he's deployed or whatever. BM 1 isn't all that bad. Just stupid. She never had any emotions invested in DH anyway. BM 2 isn't just stupid she's a raging bitch. Has called me all sorts of things outside my name and is fake as fool's gold.

**

No communication. There is no reason to. She and I have no kids together and no relationship. My dh is perfectly capable of handling issues involving his kids with her and there is no reason for me to be in the mix. Dh and I may discuss issues related to something about the kids/x but he can be the 'frontman' for communication with her. I have no desire to step in to that position.

I have never spoken a word to her. I let my husbad deal with her. When he picks up the kids I don't go. She has tried very hard to communicate with me by annoying me or by razzing my ass. My husband is curious as to why I won't even go with him to pick up the kids...I tell him it's simple...i'll choke the bitch if i get within arms length of her of how she treats her kids and how she has treated my husband. It's safe for her if I don't comminicate with her.

" Faith is a bird that feels dawn breaking and sings while it's still dark"-R.Tagore

I choose to disengage myself completely from my SS's BM. She is a bad person with an ugly heart and I can honestly say that I hate her with the fire of a thousands suns. I didnt set out for things to be this way 2 years ago when I met my Boyfriend, but since the first day she found out he was with someone else. She talks bad about me to my SS, when I have gone along for a drop off or pick up she screams at me through the car window. Every time my BF talks to her either by phone or texting and if he tries to put her in her place alittle bit if she is being rude she will shout out and tell me to shut up.. Honestly I dont understand any of it, as I have never done ANYTHING to her or her child. I have always treated my SS like I do my own daughter. I have never said anything to this woman I have never been unkind to her. and when she behaves that way towards me I just sit there and look at her as I cannot and will not lower myself to her class level and give her the satisfaction of seeing me get upset over her stupid ass.. I just wish I knew WHY she acts this way towards me I want to ask her so badly what her F--ing problem is. The only thing I can conclude to is that she behaves this way because her son lives with BF and myself. My BF has an older son aswell and of course since he is all about his mamma he hates me. Thank god he is in the marines and I dont have to deal with him until he visits, which is horrible when he does as my whole house just goes in turmoil and my SS that lives with us all the time, he treats me bad when his brother is in town... I just cant win no matter what I do I guess thats just the story of my life. and as far as the BM in my world I am guessing it all comes down to jealousy and thats why she behaves the way she does...

BM and I have no communication. I would like to have some-- at least to the point where I know what is going on with the kids. BF works two and half hours out of town, so sometimes she will text him but he can't text me what she said or whatever. Things get confusing.
I would rather not have to talk to her face to face because she is so fake. She will always say whatever it is she thinks you want to hear. She will agree with everything only to later dispute it, and make us seem to be the bad people to the kids, or whoever.
I sometimes can hear her calling me names on the phone to BF, but he always says Stop it. And he will just repeat himself until she gets the picture.

I used to (used to being the key word) talk with BM until I figured out that it is all BS. She will use you until you bleed and keep kicking you to get more.

I do not say anything about BM when SS is around, but I know BM says things to him about me.

Never a failure...Always a lesson

I have exchanged words with BM but never good ones. We haven't spoken in a really long time. She is not allowed to call my house and usually DH picks up and drops off and I am not interested in being there.
There is really nothing to discuss. You stay in your ghetto I'll stay in my suburb. Works out just fine.

I'm thinking I am going to unfold on the bitch come Christmas I can feel the rage building up. She has not seen her kids in 6 months and spoke to them 3 times. Now she comes back just in time for Christmas and starts making all kinds of demands on my husband when he can see thema and when and where he is dropping the kids off...here it goes " because it works for her schedule" When i read that text I burst out laughing.
I'll ask he if she has enough time in her schedule to plan her funeral too because i'll kill the bitch. I've had it with her. I've stayed silent for too long. She is posting slutty pictures of herself on the net like some prostitute, running around partying and now she comes back expecting mother of the year award. Ladies, I know most of you understand the rage I feel right now. I am trying very hard to keep my composure but it is so HARD to not beat the ever loving shit out of someone you despise so much. The world would truly be a better place without here...she is useless anyways.

" Faith is a bird that feels dawn breaking and sings while it's still dark"-R.Tagore

Wow...hearing all these stories helps me so much. When I met my future DH, I had just been through a divorce where I was the one to leave, and in DH's marriage to BM she was the one to leave, so I figured we had something in common and I really truly wanted to be her friend and for all of us to just "Get along". Hahahah!

My first experience with this woman was at a roller skating rink where my H (then boyfriend) had taken the kids and one of their friends skating, and invited me to go. BM found out about it and stalked him there and called him to insist that the kids ride back to his house in her car, because she said his car was 'unsafe' becuase its an older model with no airbags. This is on HIS parenting time mind you and the rink is 5 miles from his house. He was so frustrated he refused to go out to the parking lot where she was wiating so I said I'd go out there and talk to her.

I went out and she was bawling about how hard she tries and how horribly he treats her and what bad decisions he makes for the kids and how tired she was of always having to be the responsible one.

And I'm like, "Uh Hi, my name is..." She just unloaded on him to a total stranger (well she knew I was his GF at least...)

Anyway after that incident for at least a year she took every opportunity to bash DH to me, bash him to his face right in front of the kids every time he picked them up, etc. Walk in his house (their old house) like she still owned the place...just totally out of control. They had a written parenting plan but she'd suggested they "deviate" from it so were currently going by just a verbally agreed plan and she would constantly change it, tell DH he couldn't see kids, tell him they had other plans, etc.

Finally at my urging/encouragement he asked her to put their new plan in writing so it could be counted on. At first she didn't respond, so he had an attorney draft up the new plan at his own expense and send to her. That's when things hit the roof. She threatened to remove all his time, made all kinds of crazy accusations like the kids weren't doing well in school when at his house (they were both straight A students), etc. She eventually took us to court to try and reduce DH's 50% time (although she has sole custody) to only 4 days a month. The court did reduce his time to their standard every other weekend but it was 3 over nights (Fri/Sat/Sun) and she only wanted Fri/Sat. He also gave him way more summer vacation time.

Well not getting what she wanted ticked BM off so she A, moved out of state (just within the 60 mile radius that you are allowed to do), and B, took us to court to pay her attorney fees. With over $10K in fees, her attorney somehow convinced the judge for us to pay $1500 but she had to pay the rest. My SS once came to our house and said in his math class the teacher told them to do real world problems and when BM found that out she told him, "here's a real world problem. If OregonMom (me) makes $7K/mo, figure out how long it will take her to pay off my attorney fees". I was shocked. So this whole court thing really wasn't about bio-dad at all, my husband, but about me and her hatred of me.

The hatred started when I started standing up for him. It came on like a light switch.

She now says that I don't exist, refuses any communication from me (says she doesn't read it but I know she does) although if its an emergency and DH isn't available its OK for HER to email or call me. DH absolutely hates her, the way she left (he came home from work one day to find his house empty and kids gone for 3 days without knowing where they went), and all the awful things she's done that are too long to list here.

Anyway suffice to say there is NO love lost between the two households and we do not communicate except on the rare occasion. DH is required to tell her his summer vacation dates, and she is supposed to communicate with him about a whole bunch of things, as custodial parent, such as kids sports schedules so he can make them, etc etc...which of course she doesn't. She plays every nasty trick in the book including the move since the parenting plan states that Dad is to do all the driving, he now drives 2 hours through rush hour traffic every other Friday and MOnday, and also has kept up every other week dinners that the judge ordered based on both families living close to one another. Sometimes he drives 3+ hours for a 2 hour dinner visit.

Its kind of crazy and I can't wait until step kids are 18 so we don't have to deal with the craziness anymore. So yeah, very little direct communication, she's even threatened me with a restraining order if I email her (though my emails have only been responses to her and I"ve never threatened her just defended myself against accusations made behind my back, or told her on occasion what I think of her and her mothering skills and using the kids as pawns), I've even asked her to meet so we can work things out for the kids sake but she ignores me, she literally refuses to acknowledge my presence in either DH's or stepkids lives.

I keep her # in my phone so I know when NOT to answer it. If Hubby cant get the call on his phone she can leave a VM. We have tried coming together over issues with SS11 regarding school etc, to show SS a 'united front'. Yeah right. He knows his mom doesn't like me, she tells him.

For those of you thinking "in x years the kid(s) will be 18" that doesnt stop things. My sis still gets calls from her Step-sons' BM and the boys are 24 and 26. Sorry

Good afternoon. I’m a birth mother whose son is also shared by his father. We both have joint, legal and physical custody of our son and we‘ve managed as adults to keep everything out of the courts, for his happiness and well being. My ex is planning to remarry and although at this time I don’t see any problems, yet, it’s still too soon to determine if any problems will arise , in respect to my rights, my arrangements and agreement with his father, my relationship and my responsibilities to our son. I don’t pine over my ex and I’m happily and decidedly single without worry that my marital status will be discriminately applied against me.

In my opinion, when you marry somebody with children, expect to marry the active birthparents’ plan for their children, as well. Your wishes do not supersede these plans and it’s your responsibility to make the adjustments, accordingly, just as the active biological parents stick to their agreement that pertains to care of their children, regardless of the change in their family size, etc.

I see that some subscribers throw around the terms jealousy and insecurity too liberally., and perhaps even without a DX for making such analysis . For the most part, the birth parent is doing what she is supposed to do…worry about and protect her children and her relationship with them. And no, stalking, abuse, threats and egregious disruption, are not in that category…………

It’s not the active biological mother’s job to make you feel comfortable and she is not required to accept you as part of her child‘s life or form anything else, Her principal responsibility is to the care and welfare of her child, not to help you establish anything with her child.

And yes, the part where “well the BM should be grateful I am taking care of her kids.” Nobody asked you to do this and nobody expects their children to be abused, either.

BM does have my cell number and I have hers...just in case when I get fed up I really can text her or call her...uhh - she calls the house for the dumbest things...she is NOT permitted to "TEXT" my FH - if she has something to say to him it needs to be outloud - I don't want her getting comfortable with the idea that she can just text when she wants too...

When I see her when we are switching off the kids we don't really even make eye contact...and I only speak if she makes a nasty comment...I comment back...

I like it this way...and she never has to guts to say anything to my face - she calls fmil because they are like bff's or something...

I have documented every piece of conversation I have had with Loca Grande over the last 12 years. I have a memory like an elephant! Seeing the look on her face was classic last summer when we went to mediation and we had a milk crate full of binders and notebooks of notes I have made and typed up...

She sent 2 very nasty text messages this past Thursday when I was trying to HELP her.

I contacted her husband and told him to delete my contact information from her phone. I informed him there would be consequences if she ever contacted me again.

I also informed skids (ages, 14, 15, and 17) that they cannot use my phone to contact her.

Should be interesting, cuz she likes to leave VM that say "I miss Lazy Boye, have him call me..."

"I HAD to pick the road less traveled..."

No, no communication.

After meeting her once, I had enough for lifetime.

This is how the first and last meeting went down.

When my bf and I were about to move in together after dating 2 years, he had let the BM know and also gave her the new address. She lost her mind. She knew that I have been with him, but the whole moving in idea just sent her into mental free fall.

The BM told BF that he could not see his daughter until he sets up a meeting with the 3 of us. She claimed that she did not want his daughter to stay overnight with anyone she has not met. By the way, BF had the child 4 days out of the week.

Under normal circumstances; I could understand that a mother wants to protect her child, whatever. But what bugged me is that she was going to withhold the child until she gets what she wants.

Trying to be diplomatic and not yet being wise about setting boundaries, I sheepishly agreed to meet her. I did not want the child to suffer because of me. I should have refused in retrospect. It was all about the BM controlling the situation.

I emailed her 3 different date options with various times. She shot all of them down, demanding that we meet when she is available. Emails back and forth. I was getting really pissed off. Finally I caved in and agreed to meet her at her chosen time because I just wanted to get it over with.

So, we met at Starbucks. She was 30 minutes late. Let me say I found out later that she is ALWAYS late to everything, including picking up her own child.
So she is late, I try to greet her and she refuses to shake hands and goes to the bathroom for 10 minutes. At this point we only have 20 minutes to meet, since she was specific that she could only meet for an hour. So when she comes out of the toilet she starts asking personal questions about me to my bf, not even addressing me or acknowledging my presence.
She goes to him "where does she live?". So, I turned to her and said "if you want to ask questions about me and talk to me; please address me directly.

With this she just launched into a tirade about me and bf, her past resentments with my bf, on and on and on. She accused me seducing bf and taking him away from his family (even though he was not with her for years when we met). She was freaking out about the fact that I "dared" to email her directly to set up a time, she wanted it to go through the bf, and she felt angry about me having her email address. Nice projection, she is the one stalking and harassing through email! Finally I had to break in and say "it sounds like you have a lots of stuff to work out between you and your ex, but I believe you have requested this meeting to discuss your daughter's living arrangements (she did say this as the grounds for meeting. If you are not willing to discuss this, this meeting is over."

Aside her insults and accusations and 15 minute rant, she could not even pretend to stick to the topic.

Then she called me hostile. In reality I was trying to draw boundaries.

In fact I should have never agreed to meet on her terms. She was threatening to withhold the child, which is emotional blackmail and terrorism. But I was scared and did not realize back then that I could say no and it is her choice to do what she decides to do, I am not responsible for the consequences.

Ever since I have refused to be around her or have anything to do with her. I have told my bf that I do not want her to even come up to our door, he agreed to have kid exchanges around the coffee shop. BM's energy is toxic, I do not want her near me.

try having a restraining order against the BM! I do, and my BD. She hates me and tried to attack me once in a parking lot in front of her child too! This woman had affair after affair on my BF, ended up pregnant with one affair (ectopic). He stuck around for his kid. A choice he now regrets but can't change so when we met he left her...sick of all her drama, she's also bi-polar, anxiety and panic attacks, etc. So of course him leaving became all my fault. This was 3 years ago and she still holds onto that hate and I don't see her letting it go anytime soon. My BF will email her baout sharing the costs on soccer, he pd $195 for reg and he asked her to buy $25 for shoes. She flat out refused and then went on about how it's my fault that they aren't 'friends' and on and on etc etc etc...you get the idea. SO very frustrating. The worst part is though that I doubt she will ever let up....

I'm new here- I have tried several times to communicate with my DH ex. We've been together for 6 years. When he and I first moved in together, I called her and and asked if we could talk just so things wouldn't be awkward for her kids. BM agreed on the phone and instantly called my DH and told him I better never call her again. At any rate, I haven't really tried anymore. On one occasion she actually threw a dress that I had purchased for SD9 at me. I've tried the typical "hello" and smiles and get a blank stare in return. I have a wonderful (no courts involved) situation with my boys and the difference between the children is AMAZING! Too bad BM couldn't realize all she is hurting is her kids!

Well.. When BM first found about me when BF moved out of their house.. She Flipped!! Found out my number and blew up my phone.. The first day she got my number I believe she sent me 30 plus texts (I didn't respond to any) and called me about 15 times! No joke.. Like, hello bitch, nobody is answering (I was working) by the time the day was over I was so fuckin annoyed.. BF kept asking me to ignore cause he didn't want the drama..ok..lol.. Well then the bitch found out from fb where I work.. Wonderful.. So she came into my work lol, I denied knowing what she was talking about, meanwhile trying to hold back laughter from the way she was dressed... I called BF when she left, he was like omg I know, I'm sorry.. She told him she came to my work cause she wanted to see what I looked like lol.. So a couple days later the psycho called my work and for the first time I replied to her psycho-banter.. And asked why she was calling.. She says "why are u f*ing my H?" I said, "listen, ur H moved out 4 months ago, he isn't coming back.. U filed for divorce..so why r u calling me?" She replies with, "we f*ed 2 days ago" (he was with me lol) so I said"that's nice, again, why are you calling?" Haha, she was pissed, called me a tramp and hung up lol... She just went on and on and on! Till one day she realized she was crazy and BF wasn't going back to her whore cheating ass! So months later BM texts me and says we should be friends for the sake of the kids.. WTF? Ummm..ok.. So that lasted about a month, (barf) trying to be nice ot that bitch is torture! So aside from my long response, DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME!!! BMs like that are manipulative bitches with nothing better to do then make us miserable!

Blender, that's friggen hilarious!! I can just picture that all in my mind! I love it!

I met BowelMovement three and a half years into it after dh and i got married. She screamed - literally screamed - at dh sporadically over the years about how she needs to meet me so she can get to know me. so i meet her and she says nasty shit under her breath, refuses to look at me, tried to bully me, makes faces every time ss talks to me and then tells me to butt out. i basically told her to go to hell and that i would be there at every single exchange from then on so that we could "get to know eachother better".

I guess I am one of the lucky few... of course for about 6 months after my BF and I got together, his ex was just EVIL to me (trying to break us up and all of that), but since everyone found out I am pregnant she has mellowed out and now has a new man in her life. I take care of the kids while they are both at work so on her days she will stop by to pick them up and usually stays for a few minutes to use the computer or talk about how the kids are doing. I don't mind it so long as she doesn't start any drama.... I guess I am just drama'd out at this point. Now his mother is the only one I have problems with...

DH got this text from BM the other day..This is the 1st and only text she has ever sent. Now she text MY HUSBAND THIS BUT ..she hasn't called SS in almost 2 weeks..of course this is all BS..We have heard all this before.. BM's father is a preacher and she was living with them AGAIN..no job, no place to live and no partner.. so that means she is straight and a christian again.. Read the last line... liberty? what the heck is that suppose to mean

I don't know what's goin on with (IAMTHEMOM) if she's sick or what, but I'm praying for her all the time, and for you. I want Jesus to bless you both and allow y'all to prosper abundantly, and, if you haven't, for you both to realize that Hell is real, and that you need Jesus to escape it. That is the MOST important thing in this lifetime. (DH), I know you have made a profession of faith, and I hope that you were sincere, but if not, I so hope you will listen to the Holy Spirit. I don't want either of you to go to Hell. And I apologize to both of you for all things wrong in God's sight that I have ever said to, or about either of you. If y'all ever need anything, just say so. I love y'all in Jesus.
God is real! His presence is real! And I sincerely apologize for having not shown u that in the past. I apologize from the depths of my heart. My testimony has been tainted with sin and hatred and bitterness. But God's grace is sufficient!!! Although I'm not worthy, He's workin on me, (DH). And to Him be the glory, always!!!
I don't know why, but I felt like I needed to tell u these things. And I hope you'll pass it on to (IAMTHEMOM), but God hasn't given me the liberty to send these messages to her.

Very rarely.. I am usually insignificant.. Funny though cause she has never been to a parent teacher conference, a doctors appt, dentist appt, ball tryout, ortho appt, school play, etc.. I have though.. 3 occasions I remember her acknowledging me in 6 years+.. one she screamed at me at the ballpark " YOU ARE A STUPID IDIOT" repeatly, 2nd ( Just SHUT UP - SHUT UP_ SHUT UP!!!) cause I told her she should be ashamed of herself.. 3rd she told me she was praying for me..

Lots of replies here I didnt read...but...

I don't speak to bio on a regular basis. If I see one of them at a baseball game, yes, I speak to her and her parents. I may even sit with them on the bleachers. I have only met the other bio mom once, but have spoken to her on the phone a limited amount of times.

I don't seek them out, don't need any more friends...I just want to keep it like it is. No hard feelings, and especially no drama!

Everytime we meet she introduces herself to me like we never met.....???

:O

She loathes me. Seriously. Hate is not a strong enough word. I don't know why...and honestly, I don't really care.

We have custody of the kids. If she absolutely has no choice, she will communicate with me. We're talking serious illness or travel plans. We do a pretty good job of keeping her informed about school stuff. But I don't think she really cares. At this point, the kids are smarter than she is, so it's not like she could actually help with homework or even hold an intelligent conversation about the books they are reading or the things they are studying. My stepkids love her because she is their mother. But my stepson calls her "dumber than dirt". Not very nice. And I get all over him when he says it. But sadly, it's kind of true. Bless her heart.

I have NO Commo with the BM. Well, almost Zero unless she is trying to find out some basic mother skills for the skids such as "What's SS9's favorite color?" or "What's SS11's favorite book?" ... things moms know if they have a civil conversation with their children.
Otherwise, she trash talks me to DH.
It's awful.

We had to have a "no contact" unless emergency clause written into the CO because of her harassment and insane demands. One of the best things we did!

DH and I have been together for 11 years (married for 9) and the only words she has ever had for me have been screamed at me.

If I were an outsider seeing the situation, you would think that I stole DH out of her bed!! Instead of her kicking him out 2 years before I met him (and WAY longer than he should have stayed with the cheating you-know-what!)!

There is no communication here either, BM has alot of issues and since I didnt Marry her and have kids with her, I dont feel that It is my place to deal with her, it just makes me crazy anyway. I get to spend half time with the skiddos, ss7 and sd3, and i have a BD10 at home, so it works for us. BM does crazy things, and yes I am sure hates me but just knowing that we are happy and that the kids are happy at home with us makes it all worth it. The only problem is that my soon to be husband has no boundries, its a battle, but I think he will get there. I keep myself out of it to keep my sanity, Just remember if she is that hateful and you are plesent then obviously it is some issue with her being resentful. Kill her with kindness she will either come around or make herself unhappy because of it. Enjoy your family and leave the crazy X to your husband, lol

I have NOOOOO contact whatsoever with BM. When me and DH were first together, I did try to be the bigger person, thought that she could be an adult and we could atleast be human with each other. Well, i soon realized this woman was not human, she is an f'ing beast and that was just not going to be possible. She continuously has tried to cause stress and problems in mine and DH's relationship from the beginning. she has name called and accused me of things. she has told DH's daughter that and I quote "am the reason that BM, DH, and the kid aren't a family" (lovely), she purposely does shit to try to piss me and/or DH off, she knows no boundaries, she thinks she entitled, she speaks to DH like he's a kid himself (which really pisses me off). Trust me, I would love nothing more to give this woman a well deserved verbal (an more) lashing, but she's not worth my time. I've come to the realization that she's a young, immature, diva of a person who's never going to change. The whole point of her acting the way she does is to try to get a rise out of me and/or dh so why give that bitch the satisfaction?

I just sit here and smile and bask in the glory of the fact that I am married to a wonderful man and it wasn't ME who had to get knocked up to try to keep him in my life. He married me all on his own

No contact for +/- 12 years. We had our fair share of drama. Just before we were about to move in together - I urged my then BF (now DH) to set up a meeting with her to let her know that her nonsense could stop and that she could back off out of our lives and keep to everything skid related. Phone calls at any old time of the day or night - excessive phone calls, telling DH and SD that she'd seen me eating lunch with 5 guys whilst wearing a skirt which barely covered my bare essentials (she must have been hallucinating), telling DH I was cold towards her (I turned down an offer of having coffee with her in her home), telling DH he was a dirty old man for having me as his GF (he's considerably older than me) amongst others. NONE of the afore-mentioned was any of her business and some were downright lies. I felt it was not her place to be making any comments about me to DH, unless it concerned skids - and it never did, I guess she just couldn't accept that DH had moved on. Well, unbeknownst in advance to DH and BM I decided I would also attend the meeting and I gave her HELL! I was so MAD! Mmmm I could have handled it better.... However,the result was worth it! In DH's words: he saw her as she really was and from then on in he cut off all contact with her, so to speak. She still made sure that drop-offs and pick-ups were melodramatic events, shouting and screaming bla bla bla..... Up until that point he claims that he really believed she meant him no harm as she was "the mother of his children" - terribly naive.

Back story, my Oh and his ex were together 17 years and she cheated on him met.someone new . We then got together and her relationship lasted 12 months and it was 12 months of hell. During that time we had SS Fri till Monday as bm used to drive out of town to meet new partner very weekend. All was fairly amicable basic communication but once their relationship hit the rocks she started. Phoning.me up drunk regularly and coming to.my house drunk I had to call the police. She then took an overdose and we had SS for 3 months until he demanded to go back (He's 16) we were then told no contact and my Oh didn't see ss for 3 months he still.maintained telephone contact and child support and eventually ss pestered to return to Fri till Monday as he was being made.to go to the alcoholic partners with BM and be in the box room all weekend with earphones in . I have had to block her on every platform there is . We had social services involved because of her overdose and drinking but they were speaking for her and asking me to resume communication and I refused she has verbally abused.me and my bio kids she has assaulted.my Oh she has had her family calling me on the phone to try and get me to speak to her I refused she is an attention seeking vacuum of a woman and I will not engage with her not my circus not my.monkey I will not get involved if SS comes over I am.polite but I have chosen to disengage as he reports back to base and makes video calls amongst other rude and unacceptable behaviour. I will not tolerate that woman and I will not parent her rude son I am OUT I've said to oh I love you we have a happy.home and 3 kids but if you can't accept my decicion I will walk. This woman is nuts she is volatile and abusive bitter jealous nasty sly and devious she is teaching SS her tricks and I won't have it near me or my kids and he's on his last chance because if he carries on he will be having access outside of my home MIL is fully supportive of me she has also had police at her home after BM made up fake allegations whilst SIL was dying we've all had enough and if dealing with her is the cost of having a relationship with SS then im sorry it's out of my price range +!! I had to do this as I was becoming sick with anxiety and stress and it was impacting on my family and home life plus putting a huge strain in my relationship. STEPMOTHERS are not emotional punchbags we do not represent BM failures we only highlight them if BM is inadequate not our fault I have only ever tried to be a caring significant adult to this kid not his mum but a trusted adult I won't be disrespected any more xxxxx

We have not spoken or heard a word from the SpermIdiot, SpermGrandHag or anyone else in the SpermClan in pushing 10 years.

They make no effort to contact SS-27 either. With the exception of his sister who he remains in contact with.  They both detest their BioDad and have clarity that SpermGrandHag is the root of all evil.  They have always had each other's backs.  He will contact them periodically but there is no comminication or interface of substance between SS and the SpermClan.

The only time SS sees them is when we are visiting my ILs and SS is with us. He will take a few hours and visit with them but will not spend his own money to visit with them.  Though they made zero contact with him for the first two years after he aged out from under the CO, they did try to guilt him into sending money every month to help support his three younger also out of wedlock SpermIdiot spawned half sibs by two other baby mamas. He did not fall for that crap.   A few years after that they started pushing his half sister (Spawn #2) to guilt him into visiting. He told them he would visit when they sent him plane tickets.  That never happened.  He did visit once on his dime over the years but that went so poorly that he has never been back except in conjuction with a family trip to visit my ILs.

It is never a bad thing when garbage is no longer in your life.

Funny thing is I knew BM a long time ago, but never knew she was married (this was one of their problems) but she and I don't talk, we have exchanged some words but I let DH deal with her level of crazy, I am too reactive and I know I will lose it on her and tell her what I REALLY think of her. DH is patient and able to deal with her crazy because he dealt with it for 13 years, he knows exactly what response he will get and what she will say. Not my business to deal with this

I'm polite. I acknowledge her and say hello. That is the only communication we have. 

ZERO communication. In 2016, she "introduced" herself to me by FOLLOWING me to my BFs house when we were dating and demanded that the "homewrecking bitch" come outside to see her. Um, they had been divorced 3 years prior to me. 

I had a restraining order on her. 

BM dropped of SD at our house back in 2018 (the one and only time - they usually meet at police station). DH & I were both standing on the porch to greet SD. BM shouts "of course YOU had to come outside too, you stupid b!tch"

No we don't speak. I don't think she is capable of forming complete sentences with a cohesive thought. She has serious mental issues and I have zero desire to deal with them. Never have, never will. Makes it easy for me. And honestly also fun at times, to know she can't get a reaction out of me

Unless it would paint her in a bad light to ignore me. Like when there is a birthday for one of the kids she will act all kind and considerate to me like she appreciates me. But afterwards she sends angry emails to my DH about him marrying me, so I know she's faking it. 

She never communicates to me about the kids, even though she knows they have been living with me part time for the last two years.If anything would happen to the kids and I would call her about it, she would not even answer the phone. She acts like I don't exist. So I am not trying to establish a relationship with her, as that is proven impossible. 

I had the best of intentions before I met BM. I didn't intend to be her friend, but intended to be cordial. She showed her crazy early on though, so I've completely cut her off. I avoid being in her presence. 

At our first meeting, I hopped out of the car with a big smile on my face ready to meet her. She gave me a sour-faced, perfunctory handshake and went on to berate DH in front of his children. Two days later, she sent me a "friend request" on Facebook, which I didn't accept and she lost it. She cried to DH about why couldn't we be friends?! She called me aggressive. She told DH's family that SS told her that I wanted to move next door, so DH could stop paying child support (we weren't even engaged at the time). She told DH that I was not allowed to attend school-based events or sports events for the children because I was "not family". She has repeatedly told others that I'm just jealous of her and I sit around when SSs are with us talking about how much I hate her. This is all with one interaction and no further contact from me. 

Also, she has been an absolute crazy train when it comes to DH, so no, I don't engage with her at all. A couple of times she pushed for DH and I to sit down with her for a discussion, but I told her no way, no good can come from it. 

I think BM prefers to communicate with me rather than with DH. Lol he is on the slow side when it comes to communication and I am able to get a point across more effectively. Any time he texts her for anything, she will be a total bitch. He's had me text her for things regarding CS, or visitation for the past few weeks and she is super polite and respectful, almost seems intimidated. I don't mind being the middle man either, better way to protect my DH from any future potential accusations in her part. (long story involving police accusations and restraining order against him).

I use to try to get along with BM but after all the bullsh*t she's put us through I now avoid her like the plague she is and have zero communication with her.