In a word, NO! This is not okay, if your fiance wants to have a lifelong relationship with you, because YOU are not okay with it. You are 50% of this relationship. Period. Make sure that you demand to be treated as such, and that your BF knows and respects it. My DH did a lot of this stuff when I first met him, but after we started getting serious, I put my foot down and said he had to decide whether he was still married to his ex or whether he was dating me. I didn't threaten, I stated: I am worth more than this, and if you continue to have a quasi-marital relationship with your ex-wife, I'm done with this relationship. Your choice.

The problem is, both he and his ex are fine with this relationship. It clearly works for them. So, if it doesn't work for you, you need to sit down with him and calmly explain what are the things that you are not okay with. If he is not willing to change, then you need to walk away from this, because it will NEVER, NEVER change. And even if he does say he's willing to change, for god's sake do NOT marry this guy until you are absolutely sure it HAS changed permanently.

Remember this statistic: 60% of remarriages end in divorce. If there are children involved, it goes up to 63%. These issues that you cite are why.

Best,

BB

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

There are no boundaries here. If he wants to act like a family with her still, then he should just go back to her. I would walk away once and for all until he realizes what he's doing. He is choosing her feelings over yours. He is putting his ex-wife in front of his future wife. No woman would accept this. Especially since she thinks she is so entitled to him....CRAZY!!! Dont let him put this on you...its absurd. How long have they been split? Cause they're still acting married...

"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

Sounds like he wants 2 wives here. Is he insane

Seriously, you are headed down a very miserable road with this man.

I wouldn't just walk away from this situation, I would run like the wind!

You are not jealous and HELL NO this is not normal!! What the hell?? He is trying to flip the script on you!
She calls him for directions?? Tell her to get a GPS system!
Inviting her over for Xmas to open presents??? WTF?? Before you know it she will be sleeping in YOUR bed!
Shut this crap down...like now!

"And this too shall pass..."

I'm sorry but if the BM is there she is always going to be there. My now EXFiance (this happened a couple of days ago - I threw him out after 3 1/2 years) BM who he was never married to and they were broken up over 16 years ago is so far up his family's behind it's pathetic. We live out of state but BM is it every family function that his family has. Hell last year I caught my ex paying for her cell phone. So when I discovered all this a year ago and we have been in couples counseling ever since, he did get rid of BMs phone but it has been pure hell because he never SAW what the problem was he fought me tooth and nail and said I was "ruining" his relationship with his daughter because BM couldn't call him anymore unless it was an emergency - email only. This crazy woman used to call him 60 to 80 times a month and would blow up his email. But me trying to change anything so we could have our own life was just too much for him. If he thinks it is normal and you think you are going to change that you will have a long fight ahead of you and the family I guarantee you is not going to stop her from coming over because of you. They will not want to cause any waves because she is the BM and they will bend over backwards to kiss her ass. All you can do is try - I wish you the best of luck hun cuz you are really going to need it. If you marry this man and things remain like this you will grow bitter and resentful. Trust me!

yes the BM I used to deal with would call my ex all the time for directions, to say there kid was at a slumber party, to talk about her car, to tell him his kid got an A (his 16 year old daughter has her own cell and talked to her dad everyday), to tell him that she was going to a party at HIS FAMILIES house and what should she bring, does he think she is paying too much for her car insurance (call Geico bioytch), we couldn't even flippin have dinner w/out her calling 3 times, I kid you not. He could hide it when we were not living together because he turned his phone off but once we started living together a year and a half ago it all came to light after about 6mths. Well I guess the good thing here is at least your fiance isn't hiding it....

Yeah, the Biomom in my situation used soon to be DH as a crutch after the divorce. She has no family here and few friends, plus, they'd known each since college. In my opinion, seems like they were better friends than husband & wife. Anyway, there were no boundaries until I started seriously dating him. At first, he didn't even realize that there needed to be boundaries. I've since set him straight with the help of the Ex-Etiquette book, (bonusfamilies.com). Took her longer to adjust and she was very hostile towards me, blaming me for everything. But now, since she's moved on, living with her boyfriend and his kids, she's mellowed out. Plus, she has an ex-wife from hell to deal with so she's alot nicer to me now!

until you put your foot down and he puts the appropriate boundaries in place. It will only get worse after you are married and then you will start to notice more things.

Nip it in the bud now! I speak from experience on this - fix it before marriage.