Help
I feel so disrespected by my husband. He does for his grown daughters what he won't even do for me. One is 25 and the other nearly 24. When does the dependency stop?
My husband wants us to be one happy family, but when he keeps assisting the step daughters without my approval, I just would rather not see them.
I would vent to my mother, but recently lost her and I am having a difficult time dealing with this subject.
I have suggested time and time again that my husband and I get help , but he refuses. I am sure it is because he knows the counselor would tell him that is grown children need to stand on their own two feet!
The one step-daughter had the audacity to hint at the fact that she wanted to go to Hawaii with us this summer. What BS is that? I am not going to take her on my mother's inheritance.
One step daughter is such a user that she volunteered to take my 11 year to the mall, but told her that she had to buy her something for taking there and my husband thought that this was completely fine.
Im sorry for your loss
You came to the right place... I have learned a lot from all the wise people that post here. And is great when I have to vent...
The problem here is the different parenting beliefs, especially in grown ups. I do not have much knowledge on that, as my SD became SD when she was just 4 years old, (now 5) and we had totally different beliefs, he used to spoil her to no end and did not have rules for her, after a lot of talking, we have become only one set of rules, which is great, he treats her totally different now, and we parent together.
In another note, my sister is 27 and is still dependant on my parents, my other sister is 24 and although she has a good job, she still lives in my parents' house. They like to travel with my parents etc...
You didn't provide examples specifically as to why you feel disrespected, but let me tell you something, it is not fair. YOU must be priority number 1, especially now with grown ass daughters. You two must present yourselves in front of your children as a team, a united front.
Do these women have stable jobs, kids, are they married? or they still live at home?
~You can see clearly only with your heart. What is truly important is invisible to the eyes~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's
Disrespect
I feel disrespected by by husband because he is willing or has done the following for his daughter, but will not do for me:
1. Buy a refrigerator
2. Buy a car
3. Pick up grandchild & not my daughter from daycare (although this one has changed within the past year)
4. Pay for car repairs
5. Pay for car tickets
6. Never, never, ever tells the daughter "no"
I am not priority one and then my husband wonders why I don't want to be intimate. I feel used to cook, clean and run his errands. He won't assist around the house.
The SD came into my house and took sheets, comforter, and pillows that were mine before marriage and then she informed her dad that she took these items. I told him this was stealing and he said no it wasn't. She has no respect for me, her father or our marriage.
I'm sorry to hear of your loss.
I lost my mom almost 6 years ago, and it's been tough without her...
As for your DH, here's what you do. Buy one - that's ONE ticket to Hawaii. Then go, and enjoy yourself. Maybe THEN he'll clue in what he's pushing away in order to kiss his grown daughter's ass...
PS
I should have asked which island you are planning on going to.
DH and I just got back 2 weeks ago. We were on the Big Island, Kona/Waikoloa. It was fabulous!!! It was our second time there, I just love it - it's my 'happy place'.
I agree with Last Nerve!
I agree with Last Nerve! Would he take you to HI? Doesn't sound like it. If he's not helping with the household chores, stop doing them! Do YOUR laundry, cook for YOURSELF and do not clean up after him! Let him see how it feels to be used. I take it you guys keep your money separate? I say take a friend to HI and leave him home with his daughter!
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
Disrespect
Your situation is more typical than not -lenient, permissive father who seems to worship his daughter, and leaves you feeling unsupported. I thought that I was alone, in a situation much like yours, until I very recently read a book called "Stepmonsters" Apparently, many fathers really are scared to confront their kids in any way for fear that they will alienate them -which leaves the stepmoms in a very, very hard situation. Read this book -it really will explain a lot.
Hello Venting
Sounds like you and I have alot in common. I have two adult SDs whom husband will do much more for than me and my bio son15. How long have you been married? I have been married 7 years and just recently and through MUCH heartache and bitter fighting is he wanting to even listen to my side. I know how you feel - it is like they are one family and me and my son are our own. This is NOT how it is supposed to be.
I have been married for
I have been married for almost 5 years. Sorry to hear that you are going through the same situation.
skids are often the reason people
in second marriages divorce. Your husband is either with you or he isn't and men who choose to put their ( badly behaved, filled with uinrealisitc expectations, demanding, sometimes foul mouthed, nasty, spoiled )kids before their wives do not stay married.
I was lucky, H picked me and not his adult daughter with her unrealisitc expectations. There was about a few days where he teetered and I told him that if he wanted to put up with her nonsense to go and move into an apartment with her so she could use and abuse him, I was not going to be a part of it.
He thought about it and decided he would rather be married and be a husband than a sugar daddy and whipping boy to his adult daughter.
I can only hope for you that he chooses to be a husband and did not marry you to be anything other than a husband.
The dependancy stops when he stops it, she starts to grow up when he stops tolerating childish behavior, the games stop when he refuses to play.
Ask him why he married you
Your not alone
I felt like I was reading my life when I read this....It seems that some Step children come from the same mold..I argue with my DH to no avail, we use to calmly discuss the problems but it always ended up with him calling me "Weird or jealous". My SD is 21 and my DH will run and do anything for her...I work hard as well and get no assistance. I recently began to see a therapist (alone) DH thinks he has no problems and it is only crazy people who see them. He told me again this morning that I must be "sick" to see a therapist. No support from him whatsoever. His daughter can ask for what she wants!!!! OOO we were not allowed to get married until she got 900.00 from dad!!!!! I think adult step daughters have big issues when their Dads marry again...Or maybe it is the way they are bought up! Good luck and always know within your heart that you have tried your best..Do not get down like I have, it is not worth it