Hello all!

First, thank you to all of you for this community. Reading your posts helps me feel not alone as a stepmom, and also helps me to keep things in perspective. Comparatively, I feel very blessed to be in the situation I am in and pray for many of you daily. I cannot imagine being in many of your shoes and empathize with what you are dealing with.

After reading a lot of posts, my input for a lot of situations is pretty consistent: take the high road. That doesn't mean get stepped all over and do everything anyone asks of you. For me, it means- do what you can when you can for the kids, your husband, and yourself. I've always told my husband that we, as parents, cannot perform well or give our kids what they need unless we are doing things for ourselves, as well as them, that keep our emotions calm, feelings in check, and stability in our lives and home. You don't have to always say yes, but there's ways to communicate clearly without blame. My DH and I disagree sometimes, but I always tell him that "I understand that you do this...but I feel this way." instead of saying "You're doing things wrong." It helps us to not blame each other or pick fights. We do our best to keep BM out of the conversation and when the kids try to complain to us about something that happens at their house- we redirect them back to the BM to figure it out- unless we see that it is serious enough to warrant my DH intervening.

I also feel that the more you give your emotions and frustrations to BMs or DHs or BFs, the more you give them control and power. That's EXACTLY what most of them are after. A lot of people just want to get a rise out of someone. It's twisted, but it's true. Initially, when I got into this whole mess, I was emotionally involved. I felt justified expressing my opinion and criticizing not only the BM, but my DH when I saw inconsistencies in their parenting and their choices with each other. Then I realized how much energy I was wasting on "them" and not putting enough towards my marriage and the kids. While I still give my input when my DH asks for it, I've learned to step back. I still have a say when the skids are in my house and when it comes to my child, and I am very involved in their schooling, activities, and in sharing time with them as a family, but I do not engage with the BM and I let my DH be responsible for HIS children.

I love my skids like they are my own, that will never stop, but they aren't mine. Period. I have to let my husband and the BM make decisions, even if I think they are wrong, that are best for their kids. Both have made mistakes...

However, from one parent to another...who hasn't?

Hang in there everyone.