the other side of child support
So far my BF has not paid BM any child support. They do not have a formal agreement or a court order. BM is resistint all efforts by BF is figure it out. It's her way or no way. BF offered to pay her $200 a month until things were worked out and she refused. They went to mediation once and the mediator even asked her why she did not take the $200 and she did not really have a good reason. BM complains about how expensive baby is but still goes on trips every few months, buys expensive cars, claims to spend $200 a month on diapers,pays for daycare when she is on vacation and pays rent/utilities for 2 houses. Baby comes to us dirty in ill fitting clothes and sometimes not dressed for the weather. We do not ask BM to provide anything while he is in BF's care except breast milk when she was supposedly exclusively nursing which ended when he was 6 months old. Even then she would give us like an ounce for 4 hours for a 5 month old. Yeah, like that would satisfy him for half an hour.
BF does provides everything when baby is here like he should - formula, baby food, wipes, diapers, clothes, bath supplies, toys, crib, bedding, car seat (just got a new one that should last until he is out of a car seat, it turns into a booster seat), stroller, high chair, bouncy seat, meds, diaper cream, bibs, bottles, pacifiers, etc. So to say BF does not support his child is incorrect. We also do almost all the driving so that includes the cost of gas, insurance, and maintenance for the vehicle baby it transported in. Before BM allowed BF to have baby overnight, he spend almost $100 every Sunday to see his son - gas to get there and back, food for the trip for the 2 of us, food for baby, clothes, diapers, etc, for baby for a 4 hour visit. We even baby proofed the house before the first overnight visit just to be on the safest side of caution. that also cost some bank to do.
So is this in anyone's opinion considered a form of child support?
Smurfy
do you ever get to the cities. I have boy baby clothes 9mo & up. I also have a snow suit ( I think two) if you are interested. I gave most of my son's clothes up to 9 months to a woman at church who fosters drug babies. She had a little guy who was born addicted to meth who I thought deserved to have some nice clothes to wear.
If your interested maybe we could hook up & I could give you guys some stuff.
$200.00/mo for diapers! That is a load of crap! .. literally
Is the kid human or a baby elephant? That is a bunch of diapers for one month. At least from what I recollect from my diaper changing years. Our kid is now 16 so it has been a while.
Not accepting CS when offered may very well be considered by the court as acceptance which could be interpreted by the court as not applying retroactively. When our Bio-Dad declined several attempts to deliver unpaid medical expenses and subpoenas from the court the Judge in our case ruled that declining acceptance is the same as acceptance legally speaking and applied the judgement retroactively. In a situation where Bio-Mom refuses CS it very well may be ruled that she waives rights to retroactive support.
But, as Crayon indicated. GET A VERY GOOD ATTORNEY!
Do not engage just any attorney. Make sure that they understand very specifically what you expect them to provide for you as far as desired outcome. In our situation any time an attorney told us that we should "work it out with the bio-dad" we fired them and found another attorney. If it has been possible to "work it out" with bio-dad we would have. Heaven knows we have tried.
The guy we settled with and who turned out to be great asked us four questions when we first met with him.
1. What do you expect to accomplish with this action?
2. How important is it to you?
3. How much are you willing to spend to make this happen?
4. Are you doing this for the kid or to punish bio-dad?
He asks us the same four questions every time we use him to flog the courts and the Bio-Dad in support of my SS's best interests. If we are looking for something that he either cannot deliver or thinks is unreasonable he tells us and then presents the nearest alternative that he thinks is reasonable and obtainable. Though we have never come out of Family Court with feeling of satisfaction we have always gotten pretty much what we were shooting for.
If your DH does not stand up for his rights as a Dad, for the best interest of his kid and for retention of as much of his income as possible now, it will only get worse over time.
All IMHO of course.
Good luck and best regards,
you are so right
$200 for diapers maybe for twins or triplets. Hopefully since she refused CS several times and we have the emails to prove the judge will rule in favor of no arrears. That would serve BM right for crying poor and taking trips, buying expensive cars, etc.
Its nice to gets a man's opinion!
Sorry
In WI none of that counts for CS. We have everything for SD9 as well always have. It does not count for anything. We thought they should at least reduce CS, we have to provide the same things for the child as if she was living with us. But it does not matter, CS is 17% no matter what.
You never know if she refused the $200 a month she may not be able to get retro pay----ask an attorney.
No, its not considered child
No, its not considered child support. He will have to have all that stuff and pay cs once it is ordered. Once she files the judge can back date it as well, so he'll probably owe a good chunk of money to her unless he gets 50/50 custody, then he may not have to pay or it won't be as much. Has she filed for cs yet?
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
That's just regular child care stuff.
Sadly. I wish I could make our BM pay for the food the skids eat! Haha...oh welly.
But seriously. At least you have it on record with the mediator that she refused. Get all the proof you can, hopefully in writing, that she is refusing to get the money so if they try to go backwards on you, you're covered...mostly. The judge will see that hopefully.
Also, CS is based on wages earned, how many kids, what expenses they worked out (medical&dental), all that stuff so it won't matter how much he pays to keep the child and his gas. But! Hopefully, the judge, if you go to court, or the mediator, will have her meet you halfway when you meet the child and she'll have to pay half.
my DH just randomly agreed to $300 a week for 3 girls when they got divorced. We pay dental and BM does medical. Anything not covered by insurance is split between them. He wasn't making enough to do that he just agreed to it w/o thinking. Then he got a better job when living with me and was able to pay that easily. We went to court and the judge said that was about right and didn't mess with it. Now DH owns his own company and is back down to the original amount he was making and the CS is too high for us. We've been paying the $300 a week for 3 years now and can have it looked at again, so we are. BM is in for a world of hurt when she finds out. Oh what a glorious day that will be!
Not to sound mean or anything, but they get a bunch of crap they don't need. If we have more money then we can do more fun things with them and actually be able to buy them things they need/want more than we are able to now, which is not much.
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If you have 20 minutes, read this, it really opened my eyes:
DIVORCE RELATED MALICIOUS MOTHER SYNDROME
http://www.fact.on.ca/Info/pas/turkat95.htm
Great study on DRMMS (PAD)
Rach,
Thanks for posting the link to the DRMMA study report. Very interesting.
In our case, BioDad is virtually uninvolved but his WackJob mother is always attempting to pull my Wife's chain.
I believe that this type of behavior is not limited to BioMoms but they do appear to be the one's most frequently involved in the behavior.
Anyway, thanks again for the link.
Best regards,