When is love not enough?
So I would have almost a perfect marriage if the BM wouldn't have done all these things to me the last 3 years and counting:
- Drained all the savings I had in order to pay for his attorney.
- Made up lies so the kids hate me even though I have done nothing but care for them and give them what they need.
- Kids are disrespecting me every chance they get.
- Made up allegations in a court document that we didn't take care of the kids. Made allegations that we abused the kids.
- Continues to take my husband back to court to pay more money for activities and medical bills on top of child support and alimony (2400 per month).. That isn't enough always wants more.
- Not able to save any money to have our own child because his kids come first according to the BM and the court.
- I have refused to fund another attorney because I am tired of fighting and now he just got a judgement against him to pay attorney fees on top of the medical bills he owes.
Question is .. when is love not enough? I see my future with this man.. in and out of court for the rest of our lives because he has a disabled daughter...I make my own money own my own home.. I have everything.. When do you know love is not enough?
It sounds like you may have your answer already
Step can be such a frustrating and unsatisfying situation to be in. Only you know how much you can take and it seems that it is always a constant battle. For me, as time goes on, it all just wears on me more and more and with no end to the crap in sight, I have become weary and sometimes wonder if it is worth it at all.
It also strains your love in ways that you are not prepared for. You end up feeling very resentfull and alone and very low on the list of priorities. I think for step to work both partners have to give 210% all of the time, REALLY work at it, take off the rose-colored kid, bm glasses and be open to hearing the others opinion without immediately taking offense. This is why, I think, that so many people just get tired and give up.
The issues won't just go away, they will just morph into new ones. You really have to ask yourself if you are ready to deal with all of this bull on a consistent basis.
Love alone is not enough...
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
and I don't know your situation well, but to explain my viewpoint-BM did not drain your savings. Your BF did. Ok, so she took him back to court time and time again. Why was your money involved?
No matter the excuse, even if you offered it, he had no business accepting it. I was a struggling single mother, living at poverty level, but never, never in 10 years of raising my son alone, did I ask for or accept financial help from my bf's. And I dated a few very well off ones.
Yes, BM probably did turn the skids against you. And she will continue to do so.
Comparing my first marriage, the first years of that marriage, to this one, with skids, entitlement, all the garbage, is laughable. Tho my ex turned out to be one hell of a con man, a sociopath, at least I had happy years when my boys were small. I haven't even had a happy month with H. Some of that, of course, has to do with what H is. A good deal of it, tho, also has to do with how I am treated by, and in comparison with, SD17. If I ever find my way out of this hell hole I've dug, I will not get in another one.
So when is love not enough? Right now.
I feel for you
I have always been pretty independent so there is no way in h*ll that I would pay any man's bills. I don't care how cute he is. Married or not! BM has been paying her BF's bills and then complaining that raising SS1 is financially stressful. HELLO! BM Don't pay your man's bills, he has a job let him do it plus he just filed for bankruptcy so it not like he has any extra bills besides rent and stuff.
with love
there are a whole host of other things that must come with that.
love is respect, love is making sure both people are on the same page.
love is sacrifice, but you have to decide is HE worth it all.
yourz is not an easy question and there will be no easy answer hopefully you can find some answers among our very smart friends here!!
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."