question about skids clothing!!!
i have a question that just came to mind today. since child support went up and now i have a baby with my hus we have to limit ourselves even more. SD has a full closet at my home and about 2 weeks ago i was going through it just to find that not only is she wearing the same jeans and shirt when she is here EOW but that she is putting dirty socks and the jeans and shirt with the clean ones. she has some pieces with the tags still on and others she grew out of them and she only wore a couple of times.
now that CS went up and the baby needs things that she does need and use im thinking of not buying SD anymore clothes and when she grows out of them i'll have my H ask BM to send her clothes for the weekend she is here. do any of u do that? would it be wrong of me to be asking for clothes?
We keep enough clothes for
We keep enough clothes for sd to have about a week's worth of everything. Since I have younger daughters, I don't mind buying sd clothes 'cause I figure my other girls will get use of them at some point. I see nothing wrong with her bringing clothes along. Besides, as she gets older, she is going to want more control over what she wears. I buy a lot of my kids clothes at yard sales and on ebay. Also, wal-mart sells separates for pretty cheap and so does target.
that is also were i buy her
that is also were i buy her clothes but like i said she only wears the same pair of jeans and shirt EOW only because they are the ones on top. i just gave my younger niece a bunch of clothes almost new because SD does not wear them and she grew out of them already.
i don't know how my H is
i don't know how my H is gonna take but the heck with it im going for it cause im tired of having to hold back on stuff that i need for both me and my baby...
Why not stop sending the
Why not stop sending the bag? We have 50/50 with DH's kids. We stopped sening a bag years ago. BM sends kids to school in the clothes she picked them up in. They have clothes here and clothes there. Nothing really goes back and forth unless it is needed (gi/cheer uniform). Son who I have sole custody for packs his own bag to go to his dad's.
same happened to us... we
same happened to us... we used to send SD back with clothes that we bought for her and never had them returned so stupid us had to buy more because BM never sent them back...
we have 2 situations
BD7 goes to her dad's EOW. She almost always comes home filthy and her clothes and stained and/or ruined. When we got divorced, we agreed that BF would provide all her clothing at his house. He has, in the past, had financial troubles and I have offered to supply his house with clothes. I bought everything I thought our daughter would need at her dad's including new socks and undies, but I bought all the clothes at the thrift store. BF got all pissed and asked why she only wears "used" clothing. It's totally not true, she has lots of new clothes at home, but I refuse to spend lots of cash on clothes that will be ruined before she gets to wear them more than once. His mother used to do his laundry and would not pre-treat clothes and I would have to spend a lot of time getting the stains out so BD could wear them again.
My BF and his ex have the same agreement but BM takes forever to return clothes that belong at BF's house. BF only has BS 5 months on Sunday for 4 hours so if he gets messy, we send him home with clothes we bought and we had to email BM to get them back and she returned them unlaundered. Nasty! I would never leave clothes unwashed for 2 weeks.
I would ask your BM to send clothes or get her some stuff at thrift stores or garage sales. All 3 of my kids and FSS get alot of stuff from thrift stores and garage sales, especially when they were young. I could dress a kid for the whole season for like 20 bucks plus shoes and underclothes. Not bad!
What is UP with that? I
What is UP with that? I have the same problem here. I am very stringent about sending anything and everything back with sd that she brings here, whether it be toys, books, clothes, etc. But when I send something back with sd, even if I ask bm to return it next time, it NEVER comes back!! We are so tired of it that sd can no longer take things that belong here to her moms anymore. She whines about it all the time, but I refuse to keep sending things we buy over there with no chance of it coming back. I have other children who will one day be able to wear the clothes and play with the toys that we buy sd, so I don't want them going to bm's house.
I buy almost all sd's clothes at yard sales, goodwill, ebay, etc. I buy one or two new things per season in case we are going out to dinner or somewhere. But I see no reason to drop a bunch of money on weekend clothes. Especially because my sd would wear a burlap sack every day if I laid it out for her. She has no regard for her appearance whatsoever.
BM wears SD's clothes
BM will "borrow" SD's clothes that DH and I have purchased for SD. SD willingly loans things to BM. SD begged me for croc shoes for months ... I bought them for her, and the next weekend she wore them to BM's house. I've never seen them since (that was last summer). SD also comes back to us wearing BM's clothes (which are uber tight and belly shirts, things like that), rather than the clothes we sent her in.
It drives me insane.
last night i brought it up
last night i brought it up to my H and quickly he said yes! i was not expecting this reaction but i guess he is now feeling the pain of having to work extra hours just so that we can make it.
now when the time comes to ask BM for clothes we will see how she takes it...how do they usually take it in ur cases?
How often do you have SD?
Can you just tell BM you need SD to pack enough clothing for the time she's with you guys?
if u have an agreeable BM
i dont see why she couldnt send clothes. ours used to until we said no, u dont need to pack her a bag we provide for her while shes here. we dont send her home in any of our clothes either bc we have to fight to get them back, so usually what she comes over in on fri gets washed and sent back on her sunday.
i dont see any reason why ur BM would mind sending clothes. how old is SD? old enough to pack her own overnite bag?
SD is 8 going on 9 but acts
SD is 8 going on 9 but acts like a 4 year old and she is with us EOW and BM has a case of mental problems were she can't act like a normal educated respectful and understanding person...
oh
well in that case, screw her anyway and ask her to supply clothes...u pay plenty in cs im sure and yr baby shouldnt go wo so sd can have 2 separate closets of clothes.
look out for fireworks! im
look out for fireworks!
im pretty sure there will be fireworks coming out of BMs mouth when the time comes to ask her for clothes...but oh well i do enjoy 4th of July a lot..
again, screw her
why should u be spending extra money on a kid that u have what, 4 days a month and let your baby go w/o, especially bc u know u provide her w plenty of money to buy tons of clothes.
if she starts w u, just start rite back...im sure u can shoot off some nice fireworks yourself!!
yeah im pretty good at that
yeah im pretty good at that
you can point out to her (or
you can point out to her (or rather DH can) that the law is for children that are w/the NCP less than 30% of the year are NOT required to provide said children w/toys, clothes or a bedroom. YEP!! that is correct.
CS is supposed to clothes that child. Too bad for her if she doesnt like it.
Our BM provides the clothes for our EOW skids. Those clothes are nasty, ripped, stained you name it. We get them clothes when we go away on vacations w/them (so they have something nice and appropriate to wear, and then we allow them to take them home) we also get the clothes for the holidays.. nice outfits and a jacket as well. Since that too is filthy.
before my baby was born i
before my baby was born i had that bedroom problem. we recently bought a house with only two bedrooms and my baby was about to be born when we moved in and i wanted to make it a nursery. but of course SD was in the picture and had to be taken into consideration (not that i wanted to). so i tried to make it work but i just didnt feel like doing so. "i really wanted a nursery for my first baby". my other reason to not incorporate SD in that room other than just a bed was that she is never in that room playing or reading she is just after dad and watching tv in the tv room or on the computer.. so i decided by myself and told my H that i was making that room into a nursery and i did and all there is for SD is a bed.
since my H does not get into
since my H does not get into this CS deal im left to figure it out by myself... where can i find out what his rights are?
As for the clothes with tags...
Sign up for ebay or craigslist and sell them then use the money for either baby clothes or new sd clothes. We have drastically cut back on buying skids clothes as they only wear what's at the top of the drawer. Knowing they will grow out of them burns me, so we only buy as things are outgrown now. Their grandmother and mother buy so much extra stuff that they never want for clothes. No sense in us buying stuff that won't ever get worn.
yeah it burns me to that she
yeah it burns me to that she only wears what is on top and that tags are still on and that she messes them up with markers and then stashes them so that i don't find them ..then they are ruined..
the way that i get rid of the clothes that she outgrows is by passing them to my niece who does wear them ...
you know, i just take stuff
you know, i just take stuff out of their rooms
if they don't wear it and don't ask for the article that i take out, we put it in the sell box so it doesn't get ruined.
at least my skids aren't deliberately ruining stuff - sheesh!
if i take something from SD
if i take something from SD like clothes,toys or hair stuff she doenst notice at all even if we just bought it for her and she will forget about it... i bought her a hair band last time she was here and in an instance she left it at my sisters and did not remember to take it with her she also forgot sweater and money in the backyard...if it wasnt for my niece that found them they would still be there...
She would send him to our house neked if she could!
This is another thing that really buggs DH and I. BM used to get my DH to buy all the clothes, shoes, whatever before I came along, and this is on top of a hefty child support agreement ( she filed for alimony, but had no right to it esp since she was the cheating **nt that left for her lover) My DH is just a pushover, and would do anything she asked. I started putting my foot down after we got engaged, and helped him wisen up. I said, " what are you paying child support for.. her rent??" and she has a man supporting her lazy grubbing butt anyways. So, he stopped buying piles of clothes for ss. The only stupid game we deal with now, is that we can not send him home in anything nice, or we will never see it again. My DH has seen his sons room on occasion, and rest assured he has more then a closet full of clothes, but the BM will only send him to our house in the oldest most worn out set of clothes she can find, that he doesnt hardly fit in anymore.
I actualy feel embarrassed for the kid that he has to go to dayschool in them! He's only 4, so it's only time before he notices what she is doing. She wont send any clothes for the weekend either, so we have to still have clothes on hand for him. Mind you , we only have him two weekends of a month! So, come sunday night, we change him back into the old yucky clothes, and send him home. YOu would think she would get the message after like two years of doing this, but noooo, we are dull as can be! sorry for the novel again.
It's crazy!
it seems like the whole issue of clothes is something we all deal with. My sd9 and ss12 are forced to wear the worst rags when they come to our house whether they are going to school or not and them BM will call freaking out accusing us of doing it. Actually ss12 finally stood up to BM and told her he was not going to do it any more. It used to drive me nuts that I would spend money on clothes for the kids(which i actually enjoyed doing) and never see them again after they wore them to bm's house. Now we take them school shopping once a year, we have a buget and thats it. The reason I stopped shopping for them is because they would tell us we never get them anything and mom does it all (that of course was what BM told them) so now they can actually see use buying them clothes, if they run out of nice clothes at our house its up to them to wear something nice back, they know the deal. The "clothes game" is between skids and bm, we are not involved!
Do you ever say anything to
Do you ever say anything to SD when you see her wearing the same clothes each weekend? When my FSD gets dressed and wears the same shirt or pants, I tell her to go change because she wore that yesterday. I think it is fine to ask BM to send clothes along with SD though. That is what CS is for. We buy FSD's clothes for our house because BM dresses her like a baby..all in pink sweats and tennis shoes with socks, but that's another issue.
that is what
her child support is for! If you want, you could even go as far as getting her a cute duffel bag to "pack her clothes" in when she comes to visit..
But that is what Child support is for, and there is no reason for BM NOT to pack clothes.
"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"
I don't buy the kids new
I don't buy the kids new clothes to send to BM's anymore. I got tired of the clothes coming back dirty and being told that because the clothes get left on the floor to lay around on the weekends they do happen to go to BM's sometimes her 3 dogs will do their "business" on them, now BM has 2 cats so I am sure they might do the same thing! I will ONLY buy them clothes from ebay, yard sales or goodwill (I prefer to go to goodwill when they have there bag sales). The ONLY time I buy them something from a store to send to BM's is when it's super cheap! Because we have full custody we are "required" to send them over with clothing. BM does have tons of clothes for my daughter (SD) but barely any for my son (SS).
For those of you ebay shoppers out there, my sister in law spent the whole summer of 2007 going to garage sales and has opened a store with clothing mostly for kids but also for adults. She sells odds and ends also. Here is the link if you would like to check it out. Hope it helps you out. Thanks
http://stores.ebay.com/Hannahs-World-and-More_W0QQssPageNameZstrkQ3amefs...