SD asked to borrow shoes....
Today is picture day at SD11's school, and she wanted to borrow my black flip flops because she says nothing else went with her outfit. I said no, and went to work.
DH called me a few minutes later. He asked, "Do you have any shoes SD can borrow?" I explained to him that she'd asked me about borrowing flip flops and that I'd said no. I explained that I was concerned about her borrowing them because (1) she broke her own pair that were pretty much the same, and I don't want mine broken and (2) I don't want her thinking that my things are her things.
He said, "Isn't that a normal thing though, for mothers to lend clothes to their daughters?" And I said, Yes, sometimes, but I know that SD and BM exchange clothes all the time, and that SD thinks of BM's stuff as her own, and that I don't want to set any precedent for that kind of thing. He seemed to understand, and even added, "Yes, and she doesn't take very good care of things."
A third reason I don't want her borrowing ANY of my shoes: her feet stink to high heaven.
Anyways, I was thinking about it more and wondering if I'm being unreasonable. Should I never let her borrow ANYTHING because I'm afraid she'll decide she can take EVERYTHING? I'm just afraid I'll end up like poor Chava who's wardrobe is essentially claimed by her SD. That would drive me insane.
Thanks!
I'm sure she thinks I'm just a huge meanie, because I know her BM lets her borrow her stuff all the time (BM also borrows SD's stuff....stuff that DH and I paid for....which drives me nuts). Oh well.
Depends on the definition of borrow
For SD15, borrow means it now belongs to her. For example, she needed socks for roller skating and only wears the no-show kind so she asked to "borrow" a pair of mine. They were never returned and I found them later in a drawer in her bedroom.
She asked ONCE to borrow my blow dryer and I said yes, and then she kept using it without asking. I told husband she needed to ask, but she didn't. So I put it away where she can't find it.
I don't have a problem with letting SD use my things, I do have a problem with her suddenly taking possession of them. But I understand about the flip-flops. I had a silver pair once that were identical to a pair SD had (for the record I got mine first). I caught SD wearing them once when they were almost brand new. She stained them with her funky feet that she never washed, and now I can barely bring myself to wear them.
You'll regret
it if you start doing it. Don't let them guilt trip you into this. Stand strong.
Depends on what it is
I let my daughter 11 borrow my tennis shoes a couple of times because hers are mostly sandle type tennis shoes or flip flops and she needed something for running. I made sure she wore socks with them when she borrowed them becuase her feet stink bad too. Then I made sure next payday she had her own running shoes. She usually asks me if she wants to borrow anything else. That is just because she saw me throw a wall-eyed fit with my oldest daughter when she didn't ask. Little one knows better.
I dont think you were being
I dont think you were being unreasonable or mean. Notice how the men dont let the sons borrow things. That is for a reason.. men dont like when other men wear their things...
I do agree that your things should be your things. I would be pissed at sd for having dh call you after you said no... because apparently NO isnt good enough.
I am sure your sd has plenty of clothes and foot wear.. and she should use her own wardrobe to dress herself.
I never borrowed my mom's things.
I don't like to
borrow or loan things. I have had 50 million sisters, cousins, friends, roommates and now SD who 'borrow' my stuff then ruin it. 95% of every fight I have ever had with another girl has been over 'borrowed' clothing, so to me it is just better not to do it. I used to get stuck because they would say, well you can borrow my stuff too but I didn't like their stuff I wanted my own! or would go without.
Don't let her start because it will never stop. Plus you had already told her No and that should have ended it!
"In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer." -Albert Camus
I'm funny about my stuff
Even with my own daughter. I don't really like any kids to borrow my stuff because I know they don't take care of their own things much less mine. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I just don't get these DH's that assume all these things we as moms or stepmoms are supposed to do or feel.
~Evil
If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. ~Abigail Van Buren
If you are comfortable
If you are comfortable exercising authority over her and saying no to her and her dad is supporting you in that, then keep it that way.
The reason my SD takes everything I have is that they have intimidated me into being afraid to piss off SD because H will take her side and attack me no matter what the scenario...so I have to be on her side at all times and let her do whatever she wants or I suffer for it, and it isn't worth the fight for me.
But my situation isn't normal...
If I were you I'd tell her that you don't like lending your things to anyone, it's not just her, you don't lend your clothes, shoes, etc to anyone because those things are important to you.
Maybe since hers broke, her dad can buy her new, in return for some chore or something.
Nope, you are not being
Nope, you are not being unreasonable. If she has foot odor, she has a hygene or medical problem.
I would not want THOSE feet in MY shoes.
IMHO of course.
Best regards.