restraining orders or gag orders
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does anyone have experience w this? basically we need to way to show BM we are not going to let her keep harrassing us, accusing us of abuse, making unnecessary frequent contact and making our lives a living hell. is there a way to make her stop her bs, especially since we have to see her for exchanges? written contact only, anything u can think of here would help. in the middle of modifying custody and need to know if we could put these stipulations in somehow. we have several text msgs and voicemails of a harrassing nature as well as a log of all her bad behavior since around thanksgiving. i was thinking maybe setup a separate email acct for her only and have everything go thru there?? just one idea...
re;
This was my life last year, when you go to court, show the judge everything, text, and e-mails, and play your voicemail messages, they can be very useful in court. We recorded all of ours from the crazy BM, and played them out loud for her and the court to hear, she'll never get to do it again. As far as e-mails, she was no longer alloud to write anymore, they had to go thru a 3d party, her own counselor, and our lawyer, and every one of them were also submitted to the court. The harrasment was that bad. I also informed the court, that because this affected MY LIFE as well, that I was going to press seperate, criminal charges against her for the things she was saying about me, it's called" defermation ", a.k.a. slander. Also the pick up & drop off of the kids had to be done in a public place, with a witness along. ~"Resist all the urges.... that make you want to go out and kill." ~ Chel.
it hasnt gone to court yet
they are in the mediation process and had a mtg thurs. then fri she alleged abuse against FSS15. we dont have money for a lawyer. she does bc her moms BF will pay. they obv have to try to work it out in mediation first. maybe given all this, mediation is no longer an option...we were wondering if there was anything we could put in place thru mediation that would stop this kind of thing. what did the judge order for your BM, if u dont mind me asking. how is communication handled now? rite now, they exchange in a public place but its the access to him that is the problem, ie being able to call or text and say whatever she feels like. btw, so sorry u had to go thru all this...ive been living w it for 6 short months and it has ruined too many of our days.
email
I had my BF and BM get seperate email accounts for communicating. Everytime BM called it affected my household and I was sick of it. BF would be upset and it would totally mess with the peace in my house. I am the one who suggested it to BM first. It took her a few days to respond to me and she agreed. She also had to make a jab at BF in the email that I ignored. BM is still cordial to me since I have not done anything to her. So far the worse thing she can say about me is I give her baked goods - banana bread, apple bread, etc. BM gives FSS to BF during exchanges but gives me the breast milk, pacifier, instruction, etc. She acts like BF doesn't have a clue. That's fine, let her think that.
If BM messes with my family, she better watch out.
so does she not call BF now?
is communication done thru email only, if u dont mind me asking!
yes
They only communicate via email. This way, IMO, everything is documented so BM watches what she says. The insults and allegations have stopped. When they were still talking on the phone, BM would say things to BF like - you are not a parent, you did not take care of baby while I was pregnant (starting the lawn mower for her, remodeling the house to get it ready for sale), you don't change diapers, you don't support the baby and on and on and on. But not in such nice terms.
They do talk on the phone once and a while to confirm a pick up or drop off if it is parenting time day. But those have all ready been confirmed so BM really has no reason to call but she does anyway. BF is always cordial to her. I used to listen to all their phone conversations and added my 2 cents via BF when he could not think of a retort to her insults. She has no idea they are my words. Too bad she too stupid and self centered to realize she does not make sense.
re;
When you go to mediation, bring all your "proof" and BF can inform the mediator that if the harrasment keeps up he will press charges, let the mediator see the e mails, and hear the voice mails. You don't need a lawyer, as I have found out, to put that process in motion, you just need to stand firm, and be strong. If you do end up in court, bring your proof again, and any new info., and also make requests on how you wish things to be handled, and have it put into a court order, it will dictate everything, and if BM, goes against it, she can be held in contempt. We don't communicate w/ BM at all anymore, and she is not alloud to communicate w/ us at all. My DH writes his kids letters, by regular mail, and his son calls him with his cell phone sometimes, but thats about it. We have a order for visitation, and thats what we will follow, we dont need to talk to BM about it, because it's written out in black and white. Thats really what everything comes down to. ~"Resist all the urges.... that make you want to go out and kill." ~ Chel.
chel
i dont mean to keep asking u all this, and if u dont want to answer them all i completely understand. first of all, the mediator would not let my fiancee show her or bring up any of the proof we have...she said they are not worried about the past, they are moving forward. as far as yr order of visitation goes, what do u do if an emergency comes up or something? does BM even have access to yr phone numbers? we are at the point where seriously we do not want her to even have the number to be able to call but i dont see how this would work given he does have visitation. i mean, yes they can stick to schedule and not need to contact each other for that, though she does...but i guess she needs to have access to his number in case something happens. in mediation, does she have to agree not to call him at all and can she be held in contempt if she does for anything other than emergency. but in our case, she called the other day accusing FSS15 of abuse...im sure in her twisted mind that is an emergency. see what im getting at? ugh...we need help.
The ex calls still - and
The ex calls still - and sits on the phone when we try and speak with the girls. He can choose to answer the phone or not. When my DH quit answering, she emailed all day - when we quit responding, she finally quit emailing. Now, she only emails if we email first and then hardly responds.
If he answers and she starts her shit hang up - period - and don't answer it again - consistency is key.
we've tried that
been doing that for 4 months now...he doesnt answer her texts pr calls bc it will turn into a huge ordeal AND shes always contacting him for other reason than to bother us. like she'll text to remind him hes not getting her on a scheduled day if thats what theyve agreed to or so on. its ridiculous, unnecessary and harrassment.
Send BM some ground rules
Tell BM plain and simple that her behavior will no longer be tolerated...PERIOD! No threats...just rules to follow, such as:
1. All communication is to be in writing, through email only!
2. No telephone communication, texting, etc. unless is a VALID EMERGENCY CONCERNING SD!!!
3. ALL communication should be kept CIVIL with no harassment, name-calling or personal attacks!!
4. Conversation is not necessary at time of exchange unless it is explicitly about SD and non-confrontational!!
ETC, ETC, ETC....You get the idea.
This may not stop BM completely but she'll know that you mean business and you will have it in black and white that you tried to set down some rules to make things more amicable.
"SOME PEOPLE WEREN'T MEANT TO HAVE CHILDREN"
he has done this all
she was texting or calling almost every day about something stupid and he told her, then put it in his answer to her motion that it would not be tolerated. she backed off for awhile and then started w this abuse shit again
Unfortunately, we've had to
Unfortunately, we've had to do this for awhile ourselves. Just when you think everything is okay.....WHAM, another hateful, nasty email from BM with some crazy accusation about God knows what!!! :jawdrop:
We just send her "EMAIL RECEIVED"....Gawd, BM HATES that!!!
Look at it this way, it's all proof of what a nutjob BM is
"SOME PEOPLE WEREN'T MEANT TO HAVE CHILDREN"
bellacita
Right now, we live in Mass., and BM, lives in FL., and my DH gave her their son back to go live with her, he said he wanted to go, and we could not deal with her anymore. SS first said he wanted to live w/ us cause she threw him out, and said to go "live with your dad", we got awarded custody in court, that took alot of $$ and aggravation. BM, then turned up the heat on harrasment, and after a year , she convinced SS to come back, he is 14, so we let him go, and then packed up to move up here where both of our familys live, we are from this state.We went to BM's lawyer before we moved, and signed a paper giving her sole custody of the skids, and told her we are leaving, do whatever you want, we cannot be party to this maddness anymore, and we were not going to expose our son to it. BM has the cell# for "emergencys", but she never called us about any in the past, so why would she now. She always said "these are MY kids, go away and die". SO WE DID, as far as she is concerned. She knows we screen calls and will not answer, we make her leave v-messages, and because we burned her in the past, she dosent even bother calling anymore, cause the "fight" is over, so there is no more "fun" in it for her. The skids are 16, and 15 now, so we have visitation time with them, but we will be waiting a little while longer to fly them up to see us, they know why , and understand, we may even wait till their "of age" 18, then they can do it if they want to, without any crap from their mother. Your BM can get into trouble if she calls BF for reasons of harrasment, or for things not kid related, let her leave a v-message first, then if needed call her back, if she pulls anything funny, start recording calls, and bust her on it. You have to "cut her off at the knees", every way possible, if she does not get the reaction she is looking for, she'll stop looking, especially if she has mediators, and the courts waiting to see if she trips up. Most mediators say they want to move forward, but if you keep bringing stuff to the table of ongoing harrasment, they will refer that you go to court, and it will show BM, in a bad light in front of a judge. ~"Resist all the urges.... that make you want to go out and kill." ~ Chel.
thanks
for all the advice...i am trying to figure out a way that we can limit communication w this crazy psycho so that we can still see the kid but not hav eto put up w her bs and lies and ongoing legal battles...
limiting and screening communication! please read!
there is a device we bought that hooks up to our cell phone you can get it from radio shack and we can record conversations. let her talk shit and harass you then take the tapes to court and get her with harassment. that will stop it that is what we are trying to do.
we bought that device that
we bought that device that you got from radio shack as well but my DH is not consistent with using it we got some incrimminating stuff but to me when he doesnt record is when the really juicey stuff gets recorded that could very well possibly get us full custody. if we were to get more incriminating evidence i wonder how to go about intiating the process to bring it to court and actually get a judge to listen. please tell me more about steps and process to take in order to do this.