My husband asked if he should let stepson buy biomom a gift if he asked too. I said that I don't mind if stepson wants to buy her a card but I didn't think it was our responsibility to buy her a gift. Biomom lives with a man, even though he is her ex-boyfriend, they have a child together and obviously get along well enough to live together. In my opinion, he will probably be getting her a gift. Biomom has never bought a gift for stepson to give my husband on Father's Day. Not to mention the fact that she yelled at stepson for getting me a gift last year for Mother's Day.

My husband and stepson went shopping last night. I haven't asked if they bought biomom a gift or not. I stated my opinion to my husband and I guess for now, I will leave it at that.

Dawn

Dawn that's a hard one... All I can say is that giving comes from the heart, so if you don't want to or feel it is not appropriate then don't. In my situation, we buy a gift for his mom when it's a mother's day & christmas. It's not from my husband and I but from her son. I don't see a problem to that, his mom buys gift for my husband for father's day and christmas too. I don't have a problem with that. She and I don't buy each other gifts. So it all depends on your situation really.

I agree with happy mom - there's no one size fits all here - personally it grinds me up to have to buy biomom a gift because she has a guy living with her who the kids treat as stepdad but her kids father is my husband so I guess he should be responsible for helping them buy a gift - my only gripe is that the kids think we're a bottomless pit of money for biomom and would buy her diamonds if they could - my husband on the other hand gets Dollar store gifts for fathers day and christmas - double standards are tough to deal with but I guess my view is that I have more class because we don't lower ourselves to her wacky standards

Hello, everyone! I am so happy I found this site. I am a soon to be stepmom and don't really have anyone around who really understands what it is like. My fiance and I live together and just recently had an argument over buying biomom a gift for Mother's Day. I said I didn't have a problem with a card and/or a samll gift but fiance went out and spent $40 on a gift card from a department store "from the kids". This really upset me for several reasons. First, a gift card is hardly something "from the kids" it just seemed too personal from him and it was something he picked out for her rather than having the children select something. In addition to that biomom is an utter nightmare who just last week called my fiance a dead beat dad because he disagreed with her about an issue with the children. The man pays more than his fair share and spends as much time with the kids as possible. It also bothers me that he went out of his way to buy a nice gift for a woman who has caused so many problems in his life. He said the gift was a way of teaching the kids to respect their mother, but I don't see how a gift card differs from a nice card from Hallmark or something small that would really be from the kids. And what about showing respect to me? Since we have been together for 5 years I obviously have a vested interest in the children. As all of you step parents know we make our share of sacrifices, but just because we haven't said "I do" does that make me any less of a step mom? He also knew that I would be upset about him buying her that gift because he never gave it to her. I found out when I saw the gift card and he came clean. What upset me is that he bought it in the first place knowing I would be hurt. Any thoughts??

I took my stepdaughter to buy a card for biomom and the kids usually use their allowence money to buy gifts which is what I assume they did since they didn't ask for money for a gift. I always buy the Father's Day gifts from the kids because the biomom doesn't even when we buy gifts for her. I don't mind exchanging gifts, but I just think it should have been something the children picked out themself.

Ex has a BF. He should be the one thinking of her on holidays, just like I did for my BF on Father's Day. I never say unkind things about her to the children, but she makes our life hell. I see no reason to honor her on holidays and I'd like thoughts of her invading our life as little as possible.

They split up in April... he bought her a gift in May, for mothers day... we were only friends at the time, and I encouraged him to do so. She was very depressed and somewhat suicidal at the time, she took it as a sign they were "getting back together" so he never did it again. When he is old enough to understand what mothers day is and wants to buy her something we will take him and let him pick something out, but until then, she lives with her mom, they can take care of one another in that area.

***Claiming Sanctuary***

my FH does not buy his ex anything,if the kids wanted to make her something then that was fine, but buying gifts that is a "family" thing and the ex and FH are NOT a family I know that sounds harsh but it ended and unless it has to do with providing for the kids, he does not provide for her emotional needs.
my Fskids do not buy me or make me anything for mothers day..and that is fine with me!

“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”

DH made framed pix of kids for BM for Christmas the first two years we were together. I told him that it was inappropriate, but he resisted saying "it was for the kids, to have pix of them around their mom's house since she won't do it". He would go to her parents to watch the kids open Santa presents, give her the pix, gets presents from her and her family. BM would get him a Father's Day present "from the kids" -- a book on kids' outings, e.g. One day after he and I had been together for 1.5 yrs, BM brought the kids over on his birthday (right before I got there), and she brought a big fat bday cake from the best bakery in town. I was going to stop and get one on my way over. Boy, was I unhappy!!!

But it wasn't me that stopped this--finally, the third year he and I were together BM told him no more presents. Now we've been married a year and half, together for over 5 years. I help the kids get DH father's day presents, and they handle mother's day over at BM's with her husband. SD likes crafts so sometimes she wants to make a mother's day present when here, and I help her, and help her remember to bring it to BM. I am totally fine with homemade cards, homemade presents or the kids saving up their little earnings and being taken to the store to buy presents for the other parent. No problem.

It's much better now. I'm still a little bitter about how long it took, and that he only listened to her and not to me. I don't bring it up anymore.

In the past before I was with my DH, I always allowed my daughter to make or pick something out for her father on Father's Day, his birthday and Christmas. Now that I'm with DH he's a little uncomfortable by it- okay more than a little. Her father doesn't buy gifts for me so he feels I shouldn't waste the time. To me, when everyone is celebrating Father's Day- I can't ignore the fact that he's her father and she wants to celebrate that. And- he doesn't have a regular significant other to do it for him. Maybe if he would actually settle down with someone things could change.

We still allow my daughter to get gifts for her father, but limit the money to a small amount and allow her to pick it out by herself. Now I just give her $5 and take her to a Dollar Store. She bought him a lot of things for little and was happier picking it all out herself.

My DH on the other hand does not and will not get a gift for his daughter to her BM. He won't even spend $5. THe BM doesn't buy gifts for him either so I guess they don't care.

Actually....I usually buy her something, which is given to BM by SD. Same with Christmas. I'm a freaking sucker.

My BF will not be buying BM anything for any occasion. I will not allow it. My ex does not help our daughter buy me stuff and vise versa. If my daughter wants to give something to BF or any other family member on that side, she makes a card or something like that. Last Christmas, I found a super cheap craft idea on the internet and showed it to my BD7. She liked it and I bought the supplies for her and one of her friends to make for their familes for gifts. They were glass bulbs for the tree that the girls decorated with paint and stickers. BF never said a word about them when he dropped off our daughter. I will not do anything like that again unless BD suggests it.

but I buy my ex-husband's wife gifts! (my kid's stepmom) Usually at Mother's Day I give her a card and write a nice note in it. Hey, anyone who loves and does nice things for my kids has my thanks and support.
Last year on her birthday, we were all at my son's college for his graduation, and I even brought her a birthday present - even with all the preparation and grad gifts and it was even Father's Day weekend and my own Dad was there - I still brought her a bday gift.
She's the ultimate great "wife in law".
Nellie

Rarely lets DH have SS on fathers day, she makes up an outing just to ruin it for him. So no we don't give a damn and to be honest it has never crossed mine nor DH mind to even think of her on Mothers day. The only mother in this house is me, and we wouldn't dream of even asking SS to come over on Mothers Day as we feel he should be with his mum, not his dad.

My DH makes sure my son (not dh's) gets to the shops to get me something and he makes a big deal of our little son to get me something..but really they have stalls at our schools for the kids to get their mums something for a dollar or 2 and my eldest has always done that and I loved the little crafts he gave me. Mothers day is about your kids giving you something they made from their heart in my opinion and I wouldn't even expect anything from SS. But then again he doesn't live here.

I always got my SM a little card and my step dad one also when i was growing up.

Not DH's job, he lost that job when they broke up, thats my opinion. Although, If SS asked for a lift to the shop I would take him, but if he had no money I would tell him to make a nice card.

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*

No, we don't buy gifts for each other in our house but we don't discourage my stepdaughter to get anything either if she wants to. We stated through the attorneys at the time the parenting time was established 8 years ago that gifts should not come from the parents themselves, but from the child. The child can make her own gift or buy them (when she is old enough). However, if my stepdaughter came to me and asked me to help her buy a gift for her mother, I would help her. I don't ever let my personal feelings get in the way of my stepdaughter's life. I want her to be emotionally well rounded and happy and not have to deal with parents who are bitter towards one another.

I love the way that my DH takes care of this. He does not mention it to my SD, and just waits to see if she wants to buy her BM anything. If she does mention it, he takes her to the store, lets her get one small gift and she makes her own card. The BM always gets my DH some huge gift for my SD to give him for Father's Day. I always laugh because she sends soooo much and he spends like $10 :D.

My husband and I just normally frame a picture of ss. Then ss gives the picture to his mom. Now that ss is getting older we allow him to pick out something for her and then he gives it to her. Regardless of how much I dislike her - she is still his mother. We share joint custody with her and things seem to flow fairly well so if ss wants to do something nice for his mom then so be it.

Have them make her a card......I refuse to contribute any more money to her..............

SD doesn't give DH anything for father's day. Once, she drew a card. SD doesn't even ask us about mother's day. She's with BM on mother's day and with DH on father's day. I think once, she asked if we can bring her to the store so she can buy a card, but she gets money from her grandma, so she doesn't expect us to buy anything for her mom with our money.

I asked DH this and he says "Heck No". He says he would get her a lit stick of dinamite, fresh bullet, or rat poison if her could watch her eat it. I won't even buy a card for the girls to send her but I will give them a stamp.

Don't fear the thorns among the Roses, but be greatful for the Roses among the thorns

We do not acknowledge BM on Mothers Day. SD has called me to say thanks on Mothers Day, but to me that is from BM teaching SD to hate men, by acknowledging my efforts but disregarding all her dad does for her. Supposedly he does 'nothing' for her or them, which I dare either one to say to me ever again.

SD often 'forgets' to say Happy Fathers Day to her dad. I pray she can have a normal relationship with a man, since she is being taught to be bitter and anti-man by a nutcase!

"In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer." -Albert Camus

Fortunately we live 3,000 miles away and his daughter is 15 and old enough to go to the store and buy a card. I asked my fiance if he helped out with $$$ for that and he asked me if I LOST MY MIND he wouldn't spend one extra penny on that cow! Xmas, B-day, Easter whatever! YIKES!

No, it came up and we made a craft...I would spring for a 99 cent card but that is it.......

No Regrets is crap, they will always remember how you made them feel...

I have to say that I have not had this problem. For Christmas and Mother's Day SS hasn't seen BM because she doesn't want him most of the time, but he did get me gifts for both, with Daddy's help of course. But to me it shouldn't be about gifts. If SS wanted to do something for BM for either occasion, I think it's best that he make something himself. Either a card or a picture or a craft or something. First of all it's more personal than just buying something for her. Then it's also fun to have SS do it. It could keep him occupied for a while. And there will be no question in BM's mind who that gift came from. To me it would bother me more that she may think it's DH who thought of her and wanted to do something for her.

As they say a portion of thyself is the best gift to your mother; but this makes me more confused as to what should be the best mothers day gifts? I want to give something more than that. So what should be the perfect gift for my mom? http://www.infibeam.com/Mothers_Day_Gifts/

Help!! I am in a similar situation. My SO asked if I would be upset if he got his ex (biomom) a gift. I told him it depends on the intention behind it. If it's from him, then yes I would be upset. If it's from his kid, then no. His kid just turned 2. I understand setting a good example, but he's too young to understand. Additionally, my SO didn't know why he wanted to get her a gift. I feel like it's a fishy situation all around considering biomom still texts him that she loves him and I'm not sure what else. I've asked him if there are any feelings left or anything that I should be concerned about and he says no. I let him know that it send the wrong message to her but that he should do what he thinks is best. Thoughts?

BM is not your BF's mother. SS needs to be the one to recognize Mother's day for his own mom. Of course for a very young child Dad can and probably should do something so the kid can give his mom a card or flowers or something.

I do recognize my DW on mother's day because that is what I do and is what my dad does for my mom. Of course I also recognize my mom on M-Day too.

On Dad's Day I go even bigger in recognizing my bride. After all... she chose me to be her son's dad.

It's not your SO's responsibility any more to do that. I would not be agreeable to that honestly. A card maybe but that's it. I truly believe men do this kind of thing to keep the EX happy and in line and they don't want to cause waves. They haven't moved on. Yeah, they have kids together but that's were it ends. Getting a gift card is really like just giving money. It's like you paying them off to be civil.. Let the kid make a home made gift if he or she wants but that should be the extent of it.

An actual gift is not necessary.. good luck with this guy,..

Update:

Thank you everyone for your insight and words of advice. I Told him that if he wanted to get her a gift from his son, I would be supportive of that and be willing to help out. He doesn't drive, so I offered to take him to pick up a gift or even help him and his son craft one for her. He said he would take care of it and says it is for her from his son and that's all. He has asked BM for her favorite picture of her and their son and she sent him a photo. He plans to frame it and give it to her for Mother's day.

I'm not 100% comfortable with it but I am assuming this is one of many struggles to come with dating a man with a child. BTW this site is awesome. Being new to it all, the support is very much appreciated!

Little Miss Entitled Babymamma (SS31's GF) thinks that everyone she's ever met should shower her with gifts on MD since she dropped a baby out of her GU. That may work with her parents, stepparents, siblings, random aunts, uncles, cousins and friends - but "homie don't play that".

She can continue to refer to me as the Barren Bitch as I am not willing to let her use anything that belongs to me - much less give her gifts. She's especially pissed that she and SS are officially banned not just from our home - but also from our Gulf vacation condo and our Disney Vacation club rooms.

DH and I have a big family reunion MD picnic that will be great fun. It's been going on for decades and will have 5 generations attending. Then we are heading to New Orleans for a few days before we fly to the NE.

My husband actually never thought about getting anything for BM on any holidays... but we've had SD full-time together since she was 2 and he's had her since BM left when she was 9 months old. BM isn't very involved.

On xmas I bought some cheap dollar store canvasses and helped SD paint pictures for everyone special in her life. She painted them for my parents, my husband and I, and her grandma (BMs mom) and then I had to remind her to paint one for mom lol.

This year for mother's day, she hasn't brought BM up. Over the past 6 months or so she's taken to referring to me as "mommy sunshinex" and BM as "mommy XYZ"

I know she made something at school and came home all excited about it... she told DH she's keeping it a secret from me because it's for me. My heart kind of melted a little lol if she wants to get something for BM, i'll help her pick a card or make something.

SS age????

Depends on age. If your SS is young, give him $$$ and let him buy his Mom what he wants with that $$$$ amount only. I would take him myself, therefore, you don't feel your BF is buying for his ex. If your SS is old enough and has his own allowance or $$$, it is his problem. Teaching manners and responsibility go together.

My husband is not obligated to buy me a Mom's gift (although he does). I am not his mother. My Skids are not obligated, I am not their mother; they have a BM. DH and my mother have passed, therefore we have no Mom's to give to. I no longer have my bio sons. With that said, my OSS58 and DIL sent me beautiful flowers. I will not hear from SD56 for sure and YSS53 doesn't wake up knowing what day it is????. Don't know what they do for BM and don't care.

Mom's Day seems to have turned into an obligation day. I don't want anyone (skids) to feel obligated and I don't want to be obligated.

Anyone that has a Mom living, should recognize their Mom. If they want to take care of a SM, that's their decision, or anyone else.

Kind of. BM is deceased, so on mother's day DH lets SD pick out some flowers to put on her grave, and they go together and do that. And that gives me time to spend with my three girls. I always feel a little bad for SD on mother's day, so really it makes it easier when they go do that. I ask the girls to wait until SD and their dad leave to give me my present (in our house we only do handmade presents for mother's day and father's day. Though DH usually gets me something too. Usually something like a spa day, so I can relax)