can you say flight risk!!
Ok here goes! BM called this evening to check and see of we were coming tomorrow to see baby. The weather here has been terribly cold, blowing and drifting snow, etc and we live about 60 miles from BM. BM and BF agreed they would chat in the morning and confirm plans for parenting time.
Anyway, BM asked if I could bring my notary stamp (I have to be a notary for my job.)and have BF sign something for her. That something turns out to be a form so BM can get baby a passport. Keep in mind BM has said she is moving out of state this summer to be with a man she met on the internet. BM cannot get a passport for baby without the proper documents birth certificate, sign & notorized statment from other parents or court order stating custody is all hers. What is she thinking? Did she really think BF would sbe okay with it and just sign it? Does she think BF is that stupid and would just comply her wishes?
Custody and such has not been determined as of yet since baby is only 2 months old and according to the divorce they have to try to work this out between themselves before going to mediation. BF is planning to it in writing so he has everything documented. The first draft has been in the works for about a week.
BF stated he did not think it was a good idea. BM got very upset and rude - I can hear her talk while he is on the phone with her. Finally BF said he would think about it and she hung up on him. BM says she will think about it when BF asks for anything.
Any input or suggestions?
Would this not be a conflict of interest?
If you were to witness her signature/BF signature, would this not be a HUGE conflict of interest? That would be my first question. Secondly, if BF already knows about what BM is wanting to do by moving to her internet boyfriends place, he needs to be very clear with BM....I think that where a lot of our hubby's here get themselves into messes with the BM. Anytime the BF says "he will think about it" they take it as meaning they are breaking them down and they will eventually agree to it. Think of a child that asks you something and you say "I'll think about it", the kids usually thinks they have it made.
I am taking it from the age of the child that you have not been together long? Are you certain you want to get wrapped up in a continuous disagreement between BM & BF for the next 18 years?
the story in a nut shell
Yes it would be a conflict of interest and I would not witness it anyway.
Here's the whole story...
BF left BM in early March 2007 after catching her cheating with at least 15 different guys. BF presented BM with the evidence he found and she denid it all and then stated she wanted to get caught so BF would know how unahppy she was. BM spent all the home equity loan (about 60 grand) buying her "friends" gifts, flying guys in, flying to them claiming she was taking vactions with friends to meet guys she met on the internet for sex. She even met guys locally at truck stops to have sex. I have seen the photos she was sending and the very dirty emails from BM to her "boyfriends". BM told BF in April 2007, by the way I am pregnant. BM was not sure who the unborn child belonged to. BM and BF rarely had sex, but they did in late February after she came home from a seminar in New York. While in New York, BM attended a Jack and Jill party in her honor. Jack and Jill clubs are for swingers and people into group sex, etc. BF requested a parenity test and got the results in July 2007 and the child is his.
I met BF in late May 2007 and we have been together over 8 months. Baby was born in late November 2007.
The only reason BF said he would think about it is because BM was getting nasty and he did not want to argue with her. He will never agree to getting his son a passport. BM says she wants to go to Cananda or Japan this summer. Its not like she has family abroad. Both of BM parents have passed away and she had siblings in MN and ID.
Yes, I think I can handle all of this. I do it almost everyday with my ex-husband.
don't notarize anything for her
I am a notary too and honestly have often been asked to do things that were unethical which I won't do. If I think someone will try to pressure me I tell them up front I can't do it, ex. notarize a blank signature - that is just wrong!
Plus if you notarize it it could be construed that you do know about it and agree, even though you are not supposed to read the document, just notarize the signature! let her go to any bank and get it notarized there, this is a setup!
"Fortune favors the brave" - Virgil
never
I would not do anything to help BM take baby from BF.
she still does not get it
BM called this mornign and does not understand why BF won't sign for baby to get a passport. BM stated that BF is just being difficult. BM complained that baby is almost 3 months old and BF has not paid any child support. BM has only brought up child support once and that was right after paternal grandman left BM's home after seeing baby and for the first time did not come bearing gifts. Seems a little ironic it me. Anyway, when asked BM states she has a lot to think about so its hard for BF to know what she wants as far as child support, custody, and parenting time.
BF and I went to pick up baby this afternoon. I went into the house with BF. BM won't try to argue with him when anyone is around. We had baby for a couple of hours and he was wonderful. Smiling and cooing and being cute. When we dropped off baby, BM once again started on BF about getting baby a passport. BM does not get it. BM had the gall to say its not like I am going to run! HA!
thanks
BF has asked what she wants for CS, custody and parenting time and her response each and every time is "I have a lot to think about". How does one respond to that? Guess? Knowing BM she would call anything BF gives her a gift and want more and more and more. Ironically, the first time she brought up CS was after BF's mom left from visiting baby and did not come bearing gifts. Every visit prior grandma and other family members that came to see baby brought presents - clothes, toys, stu9ff like that. BF will be mailing his first proposal - a little revised from what is posted here - by certified mail - BM's choice - this weekend.
Cut the crap, go through Courts...
Similar situation here (except flight risk part) as BF has an infant daughter. Stop trying to deal with BM directly. Go get paternity through the Courts, ideally BM would agree he's Dad since you did a DNA test - hope it was a Court approved DNA test or you may be out $ to re-do it. Apply for 50/50 joint legal and physical custody and set up a parenting visitation schedule through Court (visitation doesn't have to be 50/50 because of child's age - but depending on your state you may actually get it if you wanted it.). Longer you wait the longer you screw yourself because the precident will be BM does everything for child and you don't, nor did you care since you didn't file via Courts, and she will be able to push your BF out legally later unless you act now. Our lawyer told us to ask for what you want in visitation when the child is older now as its hard to get more time later. We actually got it, even though it is not the norm or traditional for an infant. At worst case, set up a parenting plan that will have "steps" based on child's age, maybe overnight visits at 1 year for example, so that by the time the child is school age you would have what you want (even if it is only EOW and half holidays but address this now). Child support will be based off the result of Court, so no reason to "ask" BM what she wants. She'll get what your State mandates. I think you're playing a dangerous game by not making it legal and letting BM hmmm and hahhhhh over these issues. This is his child and he needs to get his rights to this child legally to protect everyone - himself, his child, you, and even BM.
You can't respond to "I have a lot to think about", it's a power trip or a plan to screw you. A rational person may very well have a lot to think about but would at least discuss some of these issues with you by now. What you can do is take away the amount she has to think about and do it legally. With some time, you can figure out and file a lot of court papers and save money there although I'd recommend a lawyer for guidance and advice. If he was married, this may change things...but if not, first step is to establish paternity legally and then file for rights.
Just my 2-cents. You can't deal with an irrational person. She's had ample opportunity to deal if she wanted to. So...stop trying to deal. I'm all for working things out ambicably, but sometimes you just can't do this is the other person is mad at the world. So move on and take back some control. The next 2-6 months will be hard getting it through Courts, but we're so thankful we did.
cant go to court yet
The divorce decree plainly states the parties must try to work all this out among themselves and if that fails go to mediation and after that court. Yes, once everything is decided an order will be drafted by an attorney (his or hers) and then signed by the judge all nice and legal. As far as child support, BM makes way more money than BF. That's why BF asked BM what she wanted/needed to help support their child. Again the "I have a lot to think about" comes up. The letter writing campaign starts this coming week so maybe that will work. Who knows!
The courts in this state (Minnesota) as so bogged down with custody cases such as this one that this is one way to try to aliviate the problem. I know from experience. My ex and I went to court for a couple of weeks and in the end my ex got what we offered in the first place but it cost him over 20 grand and he still owes over 12 grand to his lawyer. Court was hell, I spent over 8 hours on the witness stand and it damn near killed me.
Excuse my French, but
that sucks! everything you said here does! It seems like you are on top of things though, so that is good honey
"Fortune favors the brave" - Virgil
Your question regarding the notary ..
I use to be a notary, the only thing about notarizing something is to be able in court to recognize a person with thier signature. Just because you are a notary, doesn't mean that you have to notorize something. Your work probably pays the dues for you (not sure), so unless she comes into you place of business and pays for your services OH HELL NO! I would though thank her for sharing the info that she is obtaining a passport and let your attorney know. GEEZ - what an idiot! I agree with most evil this is a set up. No Favors!
Keep an eagle eye on her.
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
YES YES
My work pays my notary dues and BM would never come to my place of business. I work from home and my actual office is 60 miles south of me and BM is about 60 miles north of me.
BM can not get a passport for baby without BF signature or custody papers stating she has custody and can travel outside the country with the child. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!
BF talked to BM's sister and she feels BF is being difficult and stubborn too. Too bad. BM feels baby is all hers and she claims she bends over backwards for the little time she does give BF. Wow 2 hours a week and he doesn't even get it this weekend casue she is going to visit her sister.
These people do not have a clue. All BM's sisters are divorced except 2 but one is always on the verge of something bad and the other is adopted so she doesn't have all the same crazy genes. Sorry that was mean but oh so true. They all think they did all the work as far as the kids are concerned and BF's be damned if they get anything more that BM wants them to have.
I wonder if BM's parents were friends or parents ?
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
actually
It was a very abusive home when BM was growing up. Lots of physical abuse from BM's father and BM's mom just looked the other way. Lots of sexual abuse in the family too. Not one of the kids was missed. Our BM was sexually abused by her cousin and then she wanted him in her wedding when she married my SO. So WEIRD! One of BM's sisters told their mother that she was sexually abused and mom told her "oh that never happened". So the sister moved her family several hours away to distance herself and her family from family secrets. My SO has told me many stories about BM's growing up years that would curl your toes.