HELP!! SD may be hair-pulling
My sk's are visiting for the holiday. SD12 has about a 2 inch strip down the top of her head that is practically bald! Her dad asked her about it and she says she burned her hair with the blowdryer. Now, I use curlers, curling iron, and flat irons not to mention blowdryers. I have had hairdressers burn my head with the blowdryers before. Never lost hair because of it. I just opened up the backseat of my truck to show it to someone and found a big knot of hair and then noticed all the hair in the floorboard. They were in the truck for about 6 and half hours for the trip here Christmas day. Called my husband and he believes her when she says the blowdryer did it. Then tells me that if I don't believe him to call her mother and ask her about it! Anyone have experience with this and the father's denial that there is something going on here?? With his attitude part of me says "fine it's your kid, not my responsibility" but the other part says that if we don't look into this that it's going to be a high price to pay later on in a number of ways.
Not a hairdresser, obviously ...
I've burned my hair with a curling iron when I was younger. The hair just gets all crinkly and damaged -- it doesn't fall out, but looks hideous. I too have burned my scalp with the blowdryer, but the hair didn't fall out.
For the sake of argument, assuming she burned the hair badly enough, wouldn't she have a stubby strip left at the scalp, not just baldness?
This sounds fishy to me. If she is hair-pulling, she'll continue to do it. Your DH definitely should talk to her about this before it gets out of control, if only to ensure she knows he's watching. I just don't understand why fathers ignore bad behavior, make/accept excuses, and swallow lies. (Well, I do understand why, but guilt never is a good motivator.)
This is potentially very serious. He needs to face it. And good for you for noticing.
His "watching" has to be
His "watching" has to be done 6 and half hours away. We only get them through the holidays and a month or so during the summer. For me it's entirely too much! But that's the evil stepmom talking! There is a lot of stuff going on the kids lives, especially in their mom's household. I don't think my DH has ever heard of this problem before. I'm printing some stuff to take home to him tonight but if he believes her story then why bother? I'll just be called the "B___ch" again.
The your kid, your problem
The your kid, your problem thing doesn't have to be a stepparent's first response to anything skid-related. It can be, but doesn't have to be. I mean, ultimately, whatever is happening with this kid, it's the responsibility of her mother to figure it out and deal with it. Dad, too, because he is her father, but because of the distance and him being the NCP, the mother bears the larger share of responsibility for this. "Not my kid, not my problem" doesn't mean we don't worry about our skids, care about our skids, want what's best for our skids. It just means that we are limited in what actions can legally take to change things for our skids and, therefore, are not the ones ultimately responsible for them. It's how we cope with feeling powerless when there's really nothing we can do.
And I don't know that there is anything YOU can do about this, other than what you've already done... bring it up to dad and let him run with it or not. Tell him you're worried, let him know you're there to support him and her if there is a problem, then let him make the decision to investigate or not. There. You've done all you can do. Whatever happens now is up to HIM.
~ Anne ~
"Adjust on the fly, or you're going to cry."
Steve Doocy, The Mr. and Mrs. Happy Handbook