I didn't know his EX was a Psycho when I married him
I have 2 stepchildren, 25 & 21 along with a 10 year old son together. My husband retained custody after divorce.BM had run off with another man and abandoned the family.After finding out abt me,she did everything in her power to get ex back, when that did not work, she started posioning the youngest against us.She actually told me that I could have my SS, but she wanted the SD back.It has been down hill ever since with SD,BM manipulated the girl into moving back with her (though she never has had anything that she actually bought herself, her parents "and anyone else" will always bail her out of trouble)The stepchildren are grown now and SS is a treasure,but SD is like her BM,manipulative and always looking for a free ride.She now has a baby,did not marry the father,because BM talked her out of it (BM could not stand the father because she could not manipulate him like all the other men she picked out for SD)SD could not go out on dates unless BM went along,she is living her life through her daughter. She has controlled everything SD has done. BM can not stand me because I stand in the way of her manipulating my husband out of money.My husband can and does see how his daughter is, but will not call her on her behavior.We have bought her a car,she has talked him into signing for a cell,(I quickly took control of that,phone was eventually cut off,on my orders,because she would not live up to her word about paying the bills)I could go on, it does go on for days. I had (and will always battle BM) a hard time with BM,but am I going to have to live the rest of my life fighting battles with the clone BM created, because Daddy feels guilt and does not know how to flat out say NO? In his defense, over the years he has gotten better abt standing up to THEM.
That's a question only Daddy can answer!
Maybe you should ask him if he wants to handicap her so that she's dependent upon others forever, or if he would rather be a responsible parent with a responsible adult child who can take care of herself. We're all gonna die someday. I think we owe it to our kids to raise them to be self-sufficient. With "kids" this age, he should have zero communication with the mother, anyway. His contact should be limited to his offspring only.
~ Anne ~
"Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries."
(Truman Capote)
Re: That's a question only Daddy can answer
Believe me, I have said all of that and more!That is my view on raising children to be self-sufficient.We got into a argument very recently (never have any,except abt SD and BM)about how he "might help" her financally when SD got back from another state (had moved to be with a man,got "homesick" and SS is now bringing her back,cause she wants to go to Nursing School)He even verbally attaked my family,about how I was raised,I was basically on my own from the age of 16(but BY GOD, I knew how to take care of myself and not rely on any damned MAN to do it either)I told him that my family may not have been able to afford to give me money,but they sure did instill in me a deep rooted need NOT TO BE DEPENDENT ON ANYONE.They,meaning my Mother and grandparents, taught me how to survive in this world. And our son knows how to take care of himself,if he is hungry,and I'm busy,he knows how to make a snack.BM knows not to call to the house, she calls his cell,about how proud she is of the girl moving up to be with this young man...yada..(usually it is to literally scream at him) and he listens.When I brought this up,his reply was, well we do have 2 children together.I told him no, you have 2 GROWN children.I have finally come to the conclusion, that if he would rather sit there on the phone and go uhhuh,yeah ... it's just cutting his life shorter by letting her stress him out,so be it. He insists that she dosen't bother him, when he clearly has had to get on medication for depression and high blood pressure.So this past week,I have told him that if SD moves in-our son and I will be moving out.I WILL NOT GO THROUGH THAT HELL AGAIN!(he had told her that she could move in,when she got back.(without consulting me)baby and all.You know what she said? she couldn't afford the rent!He said that he knew she would not move in.Like it was my fault! I charge her brother $50 a month, just as a way of getting used to paying bills.He has yet to learn how to budget.
Thanks for letting me vent!
I meant what I said, I will move out if he "helps" her or she moves in.I would bend over backward to help her,IF I saw she was trully trying,but so far, I see no evidence of her trying to help herself, she just keeps going from man to man, mother to grandparents... the only reason she hasen't parked her butt here is ME!
hangingin
WTF??
The BM should truly be out of your face now, as anne said the kids are old enough for you to have zero contact with her but for a wedding and christening, I would think. This is DH's problem and if he is going to enable her then he truly isn't doing what is best for her and her future. What you can control, just don't allow, what you can't control, dispute. If he is willing to break down the marriage to enable a spoilt child then perhaps it's time for you to take the reigns on your own life. Good luck, this can be a tough road for the strongest of people.
Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*
Re: WTF??
Thank you,
I used to be strong, or at least I thought I was.I did not get married until I was 36.I trully thought I would not get married, because I refused to put up with all the crap that is thrown out there.I had met my husband when I was 17 but due to my shyness(believe it or not,most people who meet me can't,I do have very strong opinions)he thought I wasn't "wild" enough for him. Well, he found a trully wild one.But we never forgot each other. I can honestly say that if we had hooked up back then,it would not have lasted.And I will give BM credit for something, she forced him to grow up,simply because she refused to.He had to be both Mother and Father to those kids. And these are things I learned from other people, not him.He had it planned that he was going to divorce her shortly after the wedding,after finding out what she was trully like,well she somehow sensed he was about to leave,and she managed to get herself pregnant,knowing he would never leave his children.Again, this did not come from him.
Again,Thanks for letting me vent.
hangingin
I'd cut all contact
to that woman. There is no need for any of you to ever talk, ever. THe only time any of you should ever have to be any where near one another is at a wedding, or something of that nature that can not be done TWICE.
Tell your DH to get his head out of the damn clouds.
Update on SD and BM
since SD has gotten back from another state (I have come to the conclusion that since SD came back from her NOW ex boyfriend's place, it was because he EXPECTED her to get a job,she just told him she was homesick,and wanted to go to school here,well,she has not only broken his heart, but it has been abt 2 months now,and she has not MADE A MOVE TOWARD SCHOOL OR A JOB,surprising??? NOT!)Now BM has had a Massive Heart Attack.(she's milking THAT for all it's worth,living back at her mother's,and not with the sucker she married to support her habits THAT GOT HER THE HEART ATTACK)I don't know what's worse,BM dying, and I have to battle SD abt EVEYTHING, or be grateful BM is ALIVE so that I don't have to deal with SD!!! (AND HER BAGGAGE)!!!
hangingin
Spoiled Rotten ADULT Children
I am so sick of hearing about spoiled adult children. What happened to make parents feel guilty about their adult children??? Worse yet, how do you teach a parent NOT to feel guilty? It's impossible. Part of it might be that the parents got divorced and weren't around to help raise them. You, as stepmom, must draw boundaries. It's your house also and if you say no, he should respect your choice. He MUST the one to interact with his child though. Try to stay out of it as much as possible. First, she won't listen to anything you say, so save your breath. Second, if you withdraw a little you will make him deal with the situation without your being a buffer. I hope your situation improves. God Bless You.
I'm holding my breath....
but SD has made a move to become independent! GOOD FOR HER! She actually told her mom that it was time she lived for herself and went back to the father of her son, AND got a job!!!! She has been with her fiance now for a few months AND kept her job!!She is working very hard to win back his trust(she actually told him the only way he was going to get rid of her,was if he told her to leave, and even then he would have a fight on his hands) and sure enough Mom did have another episode shortly after, but SD didn't run to her side like she used to do.She went to work the next day, and her boss let her leave early so that she could drive the 2 hour drive to see her and then turn around and went back home that night. Like I said, I'm holding my breath, but I actually do see some maturity shining through! AND, we have not had ANY communication with BM!!!! Have not seen hide nor hair of her in MONTHS!!!!
hangingin