ExWife a Pain
I am married with two Bio sons and two step kids. My husband and his ex wife have joint custody of the step kids. Even though they live with her, it seems like they are always at our house. They are there 85% of the time. They are there every other weekend, and sometimes back to back weekends, when school is out for holidays they are there, for Christmas we get them Christmas day until school starts back at the beginning of the new year, we get them for spring break, and they have spent the whole entire summer with us every year that I have been with him. I have two bio kids of my own who live with us full time. My problem...during the summer, my stepkids are with us, but the mom is still getting child support and does not offer to buy food or anything for her kids. She does not get them at all during the summer because she doesn't want them there. When my husband tried to send them home for a weekend this past summer so we could have some time alone together because my kids went to visit their grandmother, she made him feel guilty by saying that your new wife just doesn't want my kids there. He took them home and she brought them back unannounced the very next day. She doesn't want to be bothered with them on the weekend because they mess up her partying plans. I am sick and tired of us footing the bill during the summer because they are there all day eating up all the groceries, don't help clean up, and running up the utility bills. I keep telling my husband that we can not afford this, and every year, we end up playing catch up and my children end up suffering because the money I should be using to take care of them, goes to the increase in bills and I don't think it is fair to them. It is not like they are little kids anymore, they are 14 and 16 years old and don't need babysitting. I am 6 months pregnant and I am not sure how things are going to work out with all the new expenses. We are only supposed to have his kids every other weekend, specific holidays and two weeks during summer. He is scared that his ex wife will take him to court for more money since she has never asked for an increase since they divorced over ten years ago. However, we can not afford the extra bills during the summer because she doesn't want to be bothered. I keep telling him that it is a wash if she does, because by them being there all the time anyway, he is not coming out ahead because the bills, etc. increase because they are there. He likes his kids there, but of course, he works just about the whole time and I am stuck there with them. Of course he doesn't mind them being there...he doesn't have to put up with them because he leaves me there to. It seems like we never get a break and we never get time alone with just each other. He says that I am jealous that my ex-husband doesn't get my boys, but I am blessed that he doesn't because he would be such a bad influence. I want this upcoming year and this summer to be different, I want us to not have to foot the bill while his ex wife is getting paid child support for two months that the children aren't there. She is always forcing them on us and I am tired of it. I think she thinks that if she forces them on us and not allow us any time together, I will get tired leave him. I think we should go by what the court ordered. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
You nailed it.
We have been married a year next week!He is supposed to have them every other weekend but its every weekend, holiday,day off school etc.They are treated like guests,not picking up after themselves,snotty tissues and dirty glasses everywhere.Make a bed???She never has gas money so my car travels back and forth about 100 mi every week etc.They wear the same clothes and don't bathe.Get into my clean beds,nasty!He was divorced 6 years before meeting me so I shouldn't be the but of resentment.They are 12 and 15!I would leave but its my house!
yeah,, I know
My fiance and I deal with his ex almost everyday!!! She always says that she will turn him in for not paying CS, but she didnt set up her account!! Plus she never meets us at the half way point because she doesn't have gas money!!!! The kids come to our house every other weekend and they are dirty, they hadn't brushed their teeth since the last time we seen them, they only bathe 2x a week and the 10 year old daughter almost failed the 4th grade last year because their mother doesn't make them do their homework. Plus as far as the CS goes, she didn't set up the account and the kids said no to give her the money in cash because she wont be responsable with it. The worst part of it all is that the kids beg us not to take them back to their mothers!!!!!
I really feel that its all designed to put a strain on the new m
If I say a word he gets sooooo defensive!
Strain on the new marriage is what I meant to saw...
they want to see if they can break us!
Hi Desperatinal...
Hi there. I think your situation is entirely unfair, though, at the same time, with the cost of living increases each year, your husband has a point that if you go to court over this, child support will likely be raised. I would suggest though, rather than sitting back and continuing to get railroaded, the two of you seek the advice of an attorney, find out how much, if any, child support would increase, and to what extent all the summers you have had the skids would cut into the overal amount your DH would have to pay. Further, you are pregnant, once you have that baby, MOST states take into account the cost of raising other bio kids, and this would reduce the overal child support he would have to pay. IF you get a favorable outlook from the attorney, chances are the bio mom is not going to want to start having the kids full time just to get continuous child support. That would cramp a lifestyle she has grown used to too much. As a compromise, the child support could possibly not drop off completely in the summer, but be pro-rated throughout the year to make it fairer to both parties.
Best of luck!
Thanks
Thanks for your comments. We plan to start this weekend on going by the court order. Monday is a holiday, but we have agreed that they will go home on Sunday like the court order says. I am sure this is going to start some sparks to flying but BM is just going to have to get used to the way things are going to be. I have decided that I am not going to give up or give in on this matter. We have also discussed talking to an attorney to see what our options are. Wish us luck.
You should document the
overnights and time spent in your care. If the time at your house is equal to or more than BM's regardless of the 10 yr old CS. You may see a reduction in support based on time of placement. You would have to compare what he is paying to what the reduced percent would be of his current pay. E.g, 10% of 35,000 is 3500. 3.5% of 100,000 is 3500.00 so it's a wash.
Well as a Step mom myself
let me first clear up the statement that if the kids are with you YOU will not have to pay child support during the summer. That is not ture, depending on your husband's pay with his employer he will pay child support whether or not the kids are with you or mom until A MODIFICATION hearing. Now If your hubby is like my hubby he needs FACTS not EMOTIONS. Go on the internet and look up your states percentage for allocating child support. Here in Texas it's 28% for 2 children (NET INCOME) Get that monthly amount of what you all would have to pay for his children as well as what is also in MOST states, not all, but the non-custodial parent also pays health insurance. But now adays with health coverage you really only have 2 or 3 plans and thats employee only, employee and spouse and family. You stated you are expecting so I am assuming your child you're carrying will be covered under this health plan as well so you were already going to go up to the family plan anyway, so really this is NOT an expense.
Now take a normal calendar year or your checkbook ledger and truly show something like this Jan. 07- had kids 14 days, Feb. 07- had kids 12 days, Mar 07-had kids 16 days, etc etc etc, you get the point. Take all of your NORMAL utilities, clothing, eating out, entertainment, and show dear hubby during a normal month with his kids present in excess of the additional 2 weekends a month, how much you all are truly accruing in expenses.
Now if his child support is THREATENED with a modification hearing, which it sounds like from your post BM hasn't even done, but DH is living in the DOOM & GLOOM that she just might (whatever!!!!!!) let's say he has to pay then $700.00 a month, multiply by 12 months is $8400.00, and your normal every other weekend and 2 weeks of summer expenses with his kids WOULD be let's just guess and say 100.00 a weekend, so $200.00 a month, $2400.00 a year. If you all are spending well past his INCREASE of the MAYBE CHILD SUPPORT INCREASE then DH is being PLAYED........
Now if you all aren't hurting financially then hey PAY IT and HAVE THE KIDS more than the traditional visitation plan, but if their is a financial strain, then DH cannot dispute unrefutable facts....and most men love Black and White which I gurantee you will get DH's attention faster than you saying "Now when is it OUR time for us"
Good luck.
"Some of the things you HEAR about me COULD be true BUT they could also be as FAKE as that BITCH that told them to you!"
You're So Right
I know that we would still have to pay child support during the summer. I would rather pay the child support and them only come for the two weeks. I made him sit down with me to pay the bills during the summer and also made a point to do it after the summer when things settled back down to normal. He saw how huge the difference was with them being there, but I don't think that was enough because he says that he likes his kids there, but I think he is afraid of the BM's wrath about not getting them like he has always done. I told him he better be worried about my wrath because I am sick of her taking advantage of us and if he wouldn't put his foot down, I was and he knows I mean it. We did end up compromising that we would only get them when the court order says, even for the summer regardless of what she says or does. We will just have to see if he will be man enough to stick to his guns when dealing with her.