I was wondering about this long ago...too many similarities in your situations (kids ages, school, issues, etc) and knowing she was on here again after one of your posts, I figured Shopaholic was probably her.

You and me both Rae, I read all of jisselle's posts, and shop's and the similarities were too close to be coincidences. Choc, I feel really bad for your son, if you go back and read shop's posts, it is obvious she resents him. In several of the posts, she is willing to do for her son, but not for yours. One thing I can't stand in the home is favoritism.No child in a home of mine will ever be treated that way! My Mom divorced my Stepdad for showing favoritism, and having resentment towards her bk. I know how much it hurts as a child, when you pick up on that resentment, and you see the favoritism, it is no way for a kid to grow up. I hope that you can get this monkey off your back once and for all.
Good Luck:)

I don't get it. Maybe it's because I'm dense sometimes. But how is "shop" stalking and harrassing you by being on this site? Does she refer to you, use your name, make threatening remarks towards you when she's on the site? Or does she just flat out lie about things like the "boys and guns" most recent post? I'll respect your request, but I guess I need more explanation about how her presence as a member is stalking and harrassing you. Thanks for taking the time to explain more.

But I was hoping that she was over acting like a f*cking moron on this site!!! Too bad for her, she has wasted a great deal of time being vindictive and hateful. Why your ex puts up with her shit is an enigma. Oh wait, no-he's gutless. Hope all goes well with pressing charges. She seriously needs help, LIKE SHOCK THERAPY!!!

"All that we are is a result of what we have thought."- Buddha

I don't give a rats a$$ if you like me or not, but personally, I think BOTH of you stir up the pot soo much to EACH other...

I'm going to defend Jennifer for a moment, but seriously, both of you put waaaayyyyyy tooo much energy at this cat fight. It is extremely obvious that BOTH of you are too consumed by the OTHER person in your life. This has NOTHING to do with your step/bio SS... this is an all out immature, she said/she said, top that, battle of witts.

First of all, I have to tell you, not EVERY single anonymous post to you has been Jennifer, have you ever consider that? That maybe there are people out there trying to point out the obvious to you that you just don't want to hear?!??! And doing so anonymously allows for the identity of a person to not be construed so as not to hurt your feelings? Yes, I admit, I have made some posts to you in an attempt to suggest you think of an alternative. But many of you jump on the 'It's Jennifer' band wagon so fast, instead of looking at the point. I for one get sick of the whining, the all out cat fights... it's immature.

Second of all, the only person that I see 'calling someone out' is you by blatantly using her first name online... 'this is Jennifer, you all! Everybody watch out.' etc. It's your own damn fault that you posted under your real name in the first place for her to FIND you!!!! Guess what, she knows you're going to be here, regardless of what you use for an ID- she knows your here- IT'S TOO LATE. You're going to have to deal with it, and ignore her, or move on. So to me, I don't see either one of you as 'right'. This to me, is just blatant bitterness on both of your ends. With that, I'm done with this charade.

StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

Stepmom, first off let me say that it was one of your earlier posts that led me to this site, so for that I thank you . However, I must disagree with your post. Chocoholic has known for weeks that this person was indeed Jennifer, but yet she kept her mouth shut. She approached her ex trying to get him to put a stop to the harrassment,before she posted anything here. That doesn't fit in with the stir the pot mentality. There were details being posted here directly taken from correspondences and conversations choc was having with her ex.

As for the theory that because you choose to post on a site with your real name, it gives someone the right to harass you, that is just bullshit. Reverse the situation what if the BM in your case found this site, and came here with the sole purpose of berating you. How would you feel? I won't be self righteous and pretend that I wouldn't have reacted the same way. Choc I think you handled this admirably, so don't sweat it.

Posting anon isn't going to improve your chances of someone heeding your advice at all. That is what I love about Cruella and Catch22, you won't find anyone on here who just lay it out there,like those two. They say what the feel, even if it isn't what posters always want to hear.

I tend to agree with StepMom because in reading the posts from "shop" I'm just reading venting and posts that sound like are genuine issues to her. I haven't read attacks on you personally, e.g., she's not using your real name. Granted you both post about similar issues, but they're each from the member's viewpoint, which is what this site is for. Heck for all I know the BM of my skids is on this site.

I'm of the mindset that this site is for any step-parent to use. Granted there are guidelines, but wouldn't it be up to the site administrator to determine if someone should be banned, ignored, or omitted from the site?

With that said, I guess the way she could be stalking/harrassing you is by responding to YOUR posts with bad advise or name-calling or something like that...or like what you did to her post, stating that she's lying.

It just looks like to me, as an objective observer, that both have a right to use this site; that one was here first doesn't seem like cause to claim the other is stalking/harrassing. The internet is a big place and if mutual respect is in practice why can't BOTH use this site? Perhaps in this case the site administrator could put the boundary on that neither of you can respond to the other's posts?

To give one carte blanche over the other is a little unfair. I mean put yourself in the other person's shoes. Are you 100% sure that "shop" is stalking you? Maybe she's simply on here to get advise because it sounds like your and her situation is pretty hateful and tumultuous in equal measure.

I just know that if the BM of my steps were on this site, it would bother me, but at the same time if I approached it with maturity and an open mind, I might even be able to have a better understanding of her. I think "choc" could apply that method to this situation rather than looking like a bully, encouraging other members to ignore another member's right to post. "Shop" isn't doing that; not even responding to this post, which she would have the right to do to defend herself, yet she's taking a higher road and simply sticking to posts about issues of step-parenting that are of concern to her.

I don't see me honoring your request. It's not of disrespect to "choc", but until I learn more or witness it on my own, I'm going to treat all posts as valid member posts.

Good luck to you with your issues. I hope you find some peace with them.

I haven't heard Shopoholics response to any of this but if she is indeed "Jennifer" and you two are the counterparts in eachother's lives, then I think the two of you need to come out from behind the curtain and talk to eachother. You are not going to solve your problems here. It doesn't help any of us for you two to have an "on-line" war. We are all struggling in our own ways with the drama in our lives, so here we vent. I'm so confused by this situation with the two of you.

S and C do yourselves a favor. Go out and buy the book "step-wives" and try out what they say.

You two are obviously very angry with each other. It is not healthy to live one's life that way. It's time to get help, and maybe you two need to sit down with a third party and hash it out.

You both have a right to vent on this site. I actually found a post where Shopoholic gave a supportive remark to Chocoholic. I'm confused. Please look at each other. You are mirroring each others feelings and frustrations. Maybe you aren't that far apart, just really seriously misunderstanding each other.

I'm sorry for your suffering, but it is time to stop this banter and do something about it. I don't want to mediate on this site and I get the feeling that neither do others. You are both women with hearts, hopes and dreams who are cross with each other.

Perhaps with time, compassion and a little help you can work this out for the kids sake if nothing else.

Good Luck. Really.

Kathleen

This is crazy and I think you both should act like mature adults. Your could be hurting the children

I wish I could sell her for what she thinks she is worth.

First thing I'm going to say is this: I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.

Next thing I'm going to say is that I'm about to contradict myself, because obviously I care enough to ante up here and put in my two cents...

Assuming Shop is who Choc says she is, then my advice to Choc would be to IGNORE HER. She's not mentioning you by name, as you are her, and I doubt anyone would have identified you as the BM in her posts. At least, not until you volunteered the information that you are, indeed, the BM she's posting about. I also think you should probably not assume an anon poster is really an anon poster, because lots of people from this site have posted as anon and admitted to it, so it stands to reason that there are probably several more who do it and don't admit to it.

Secondly, if you want to respond to her, Choco, then respond to her with intelligent, well-thought out rebuttals as you would any other SM posting here and leave your personalities and relationship out of it. No one should ever be able to know from reading either of your posts that you are connected. If you leave your personalities and your relationship out of it, then people can judge better for themselves what side of the issue they agree with or don't. But don't expect others to "pick" you over her just because of what you says she's doing to you. We don't know either of you personally. How can you expect us to take sides in what is YOUR personal battle?

Better yet, just don't respond to her at all. The only power anyone has over us is the power we give them. If she upsets you by posting on this site, it's only because YOU LET HER. Ignore her, don't feed into it, don't give her the reaction she wants, don't provide her with an audience and then she'll just be posting for nothing and wasting her time. Creating all this drama and fighting it out in the public domain is pointless. It only aggravates YOU, because if she is only doing this to get a rise out of you, well, guess what? You gave her exactly what she wanted!

Last thing I'm going to say is that there are always two sides to every story. I've had my fair share of less-than-lovely things to say about my skids' mom on this site, as have all of us. But I think all of us agree that if the BM's had a chance to respond to those comments, they would likely say something entirely different. Remember Steve and Lisa? We heard both sides of their story and they were both very different. How do WE know who is right and who is wrong? Now we are hearing both sides of the Chocoholic/Shopoholic story and yes, those are also different. You can't really give one side the right to post and not give the other side the right to also post. And if you could, stricttly speaking, if you had to choose who belongs here and who doesn't, you can't say that the SM doesn't belong. It is STEPTALK, where STEPPARENTS come to vent. Choco's a SM, too, so she has a right to be here as a SM, but with regards to this particular issue, she's the BM. If both are going to stay here, then they should avoid responding to each other directly and they should probably not bother to opine on one another's posts, because if you're going to engage in internet catfights, really, how can anyone take any of this seriously?

Okay, gotta get back to packing.

~ Anne ~

Oh, yeah, one more thing... considering the "_____oholic" login, maybe you both need a good twelve-step program.

http://www.geocities.com/campaign4madison/C4M.html
Please join the Campaign to Save Madison!

Choc, I have a question for you. Let's say you NEVER responded to Shop's posts, would we have EVER known it was YOU she was talking about? As far as that goes, listen to what Anne said, respond with intelligent, thought out reponses. As the BM, you could have given her advice that could have helped the realtionship. Another thing you have to think about is the very real fact that the 2 of you are 2 different people and therefore will see the situation from different perspectives. In her eyes, your a first class b**ch, in yours, she is a liar and starts s**t. I'm sure the BM in my case think I am a royale pain in the a** and I think she's a sorry excuse for a maother, so you see, choc, everyone is entitles to their opinion, including Shop.

~THE EXERCISE THAT REALLY CHANGES YOUR LIFE IS WALKING DOWN THE AISLE~

That is freaky
I wish I could sell her for what she thinks she is worth, I'd be a millionare. HA HA

Okay, I'm tired of reading, but ... I just want to say that by not supporting Choco ... I think we might lose a good contributor to this site. Legitimately Jennifer is a step-mom ... but I understand Choco's concerns. I agree with a lot of what those of you who disagree with Choco's initial post have said, but I'm sorry ... I kind of expected more support for Choco from this site.

~ Katrina

WHAT A BITCH!!! Sorry, but the real word I wanted to use is even WORSE then that. But she is. A bitch. I don't want anything to do with her, and I don't think anyone else should. What a pice of work. Evil Harpi Bitches.
Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict.
-William Ellery Channing

I seem to be lucky I only caught on at the 40th post or something because I get to respond after hearing everyones view.

Choco I am 100% with you and I didn't just get on that train to support a long time member or disagree with anyone. I have totally put myself in her shoes and decided I would be a 3 year old, stamp my feet and say "I was here first!!" I do understand what everyone has had to say but this is solely my opinion on how I would feel situation reversed.

This is not about spite for Choco, this about the right to have your own place to fit. Step-talk has always been about venting, advice, helping and who really cares if you are only getting one side of a story. If it helps you make a decision or something someone says makes you feel better or sleep better, then thats what this is here for.

Choco is not annoyed than Shop wants to vent, it's that she is venting in choco's playground & only doing it to be spiteful so Choco will read it, this is where SHE comes to let it all hang out and talk about HER side of the problems. She is obviously now uncomfortable and has to watch every word she writes because someone actually in the situation is reading it all, your inner thoughts you could say.

Yes this site is open for all, yes it can be fun and a great way to sort out your head, but seriously why stalk her in her yard?? If our BM came here doing the same thing, I would freak!! I don't want BM to hear all that I do & think, it is supposed to be anon to let it all hang out, how can you when someone in the situation is listening and taking in all that you say?? We talk about intimate stuff with our DH, we talk about our in-laws, we joke with each other. I want someone who really enjoys this site to tell me how they would feel if they had to share every word written with their BM/SM. I would feel like someone put a spycam in my home and feel violated and you would think if you have been a member somewhere for a long time, you could get the support of those people.

I am Catch22 and I have been here for about 8 months, but if feels like 2 years and if our BM was to start coming here today, I guess I would expect or at least ask you all to support me. If I couldn't get that support I would probably go away. Choco, the only thing you could have done better was perhaps not posted what you felt about who she was, maybe you could have PMed the people who you are close to here and told them that way. But really your privacy and peace here is now gone as far as venting your situation, so you can no longer in an honest and comfortable way (I assume), use this site that way anymore. I understand that and I am sorry it has gone this way for you, but I know Shop didn’t just fall on this site and use it the way we all like to. She had other intentions and they were all to be spiteful to Choco. Whether we knew it was her or not, is not the point. The fact that Choco knows and has to deal with the spiteful remarks and re-postings to her situation is bad enough.

No one can stop this from happening though as it is free space but I think we should all be annoyed that a member has had her space invaded. I don’t come here much anymore, and these are some of the reasons why. I want to trust my little group and when shit like this happens, how can you? I also thing the slandering, name calling is annoying.

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*

am i glad i missed this one. choco, i feel for you and who would have thought this would turn into wwIII? there are two sides, but i still think it's pretty annoying that she is here. yes, she probably does get some benefit from venting, but i'm sure she does it mostly to get to you. hope things are better, and to all you who were quick to judge and point the finger, shame.

always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much.