I am not sure legally but I can honestly say we have had no issues here with either my kids school nor my SD's schools. Custody has changed for us where SD is concerned so we are not nearly involved or informed as we used to be, however, she is now in middle school and the nice thing with that is an online program called "edline" where we can check and moniter her progress and grades.

As for parent/teacher conferences... DH usually went to those alone as him and BM do NOT communicate and cannot sit in a room together so they each had separate p/t conferences.

My ex and I do communicate so we schedule one appt with our kids teachers and we both go that way we both know what is going on, what needs to be worked on etc.

We are both on the emergency pickups at both schools and this was no issue at all. I know that DH had probs in the past where BM would remove him and add her husband, but the last I knew all 4 of us were on as emergency contacts/pickups. My DH is also an authorized contact or pickup for my two.

It is what it is...

We have always scheduled seperate conferences just to avoid it all but during the custody battle SD was yet again in a different school and it seemed that everyone in that office were bitter women that automatically took BMs word and it did make things more complicated until we went to the superintendant since our paperwork did give us rights to all school and medical information and those conferences are pretty informative!
BM still hates me, I am almost proud that such a nasty vulgure person wouldn't like me, it reminds me that I must be doing something right. Especially since BM doesn't seem to posses a moral compass.
Every year that SD was with BM we had to take in court order and provide all info so they do get to make life inconveniant alot but just keep plucking away and sooner or later you can cook that goose!
Good Luck!

I'm new to all this, but in regards to school I have a little information. BM registered ss in a school over an hour's drive away in hopes that it would be impossible for us to get him during our weeks. Now it ain't fun... let me tell you... driving four hours total a day during our weeks to take/pick up ss. During the first day, we went up to the school for well wishing for ss, such an excited 3rd grader! Of course BF said we had to go since BM sent an email telling me I wasn't invited and needed her permission to be there etc. I didn't want to go because I had a feeling in my stomach that this was going to go bad. After classes had started BF and I were in the hall outside the principal's office as BF wanted to make sure my name was on the pick up/drop off list as BM filled it out. Well, BM came out of no where marched her self up to me pointed her finger in my face and told me I had no right to be there, reminded me that I have no children of my own, that I have no business talking to anyone (I knew a couple of people there some happened to be teachers) and I had better NEVER be there again without her permission, did I understand? I have never gotten in a verbal confrontation with this woman but I think everyone has a line and she stepped across mine that day. I said "You know...I don't care what you think and could care even less WHAT you say....that's all I got out before she went screaming down the hall...I'm taking your name OFF the list, do you hear me...I said "Go ahead" she said...I'm TAKING IT OFF..again I said "GO AHEAD" so the principal was in the hall and witnessed all this and BM marched up to her and tried to have my name removed from list of contacts. Principal told her that there wasn't a thing BM could really do about it which pissed her off to no end. Principal called us into her office (she let us cut in front of a LOT of people after that scene) Closed the door. BF produced legal paperwork...Principal said that I, as BF's representative, could pick up and drop off child, attend school functions etc and there was nothing BM could do about it, however P/T conferences I was allowed to attend as long as BF was present I couldn't attend those alone. But the principal asked us to to draw up a paper stating that i was his representative etc stating that I had his permission to act on his behalf in emergencies etc...and have this paper notorized and bring it back to the school, which we did. When I took it in to the office the pricipal looked at it smiled at me and said..."You know I had to deal with her outbursts last year for her grandson... (another long story). She also told me that if it was our week to have him and BM snatched him before I picked him up that there was really nothing I or she (as the school rep) could do about it (I mention this because it has been threatened) but that she would document it. I don't think they can exclude you if you are representing your SO, you may have to get a paper notorized like we did, (which was optional but BF felt necessary as we are really dealing with a psycho). BF and I decided to that it would be good for me to get out the house a little and the school just happens to be asking for volunteers ...(imagine that LOL) Good luck, if you do need that form, I have it around here somewhere! (HUGS)

That is weird that the school is trying to do that, it was my understanding that they really can't get involved in civil matters. Remember taking public school law in college? (I went for teaching also LOL)Any way... I'll add you to my buddy list! I Love my buddies... and shoot an email with the form to you. So sorry you are dealing with this, you may have to bypass principal and BF may need to take this up with the school board personally. Talk to you soon (HUGS)

and in our state, if you are responsible in anyway for her well being on a regular basis, then the school it most certainly allowed to talk to you and should. The BM in my life threatned to sue the school, called the superintendent, made the teacher cry and they still looked it up and found out that they have every right to talk to me (SM). I would look up the law in your states about who the school can and cannot talk to.

~THE EXERCISE THAT REALLY CHANGES YOUR LIFE IS WALKING DOWN THE AISLE~

Join the PTA.

~THE EXERCISE THAT REALLY CHANGES YOUR LIFE IS WALKING DOWN THE AISLE~

or do what i am doing...volunteer!!!! LMAO

.....psycho ex's suck....

In our area, we have certain members on the board for certain area's. We had problems as well in regards to situation surrounding the ex and her crap about me going to the school etc. Anytime hubby would call the teachers/school board and speak to them, they would say, sorry, this is a civil matter, we can't get involved. They have joint custody but the children reside with her and only come here every other week.

We then called back the Board office and asked who ther superintendent was for that area. This is the head dog. They gave us the name and address because we said we wished to send written correspondence.

We very politely explained our situation, what had taken place several times at the school, who we had spoken to in the past and what we were told. We explained that this was not a civil matter, this was addressing the best interests of the child in the school system.

We then asked for written correspondence answering a bunch of questions...such as, where is it indicated in any regulations that the father can not have someone attend with him to meetings, have someone else pick up the children on his scheduled time in the court order, etc. We also asked in the letter for the Superintendent's supervisor or manager, because we would also be following up this matter with them.

We let them know politely that we were not budging on this, it was wrong, they both have joint custody and this is not an issue the "school staff" should be taking sides on. We said we were making an official complaint and wanted it documented and for them to respond within a timely manner.

We also put CC: on the bottom of the letter and put the principal's name of the school and the teachers name as well as anyone else we spoke to about it. We sent a copy of the letter to each and everyone of them.

Within days we came home to a message on the answering machine from the superintendent stating that it had been looked into and all our concerns were addressed and we would not have anymore problems surrounding this. We left a voice mail after hours for them, indicating that we would like the info she left on the voice mail put in writing and forwarded to us ASAP, we thanked her for her time and hung up.

When we received the letter we photocopied it and sent it to each person we listed on as CC AND we sent a copy of it to BM. BM has made several RUDE remarks about it to us and the kids, but there is nothing legally she can do. The school staff handles us politely but cooly. We don't care about the coolness, we are there for the kids.

Try it, maybe it will work. I do know with the School Boards that if they receive a letter in writing it must be looked into....verbally they don't usually do squat about.

Corie

Please share with me your experiences and/or information about obtaining legal guardianship of stepchildren.

I am the proud SM to two children (ages 12 and soon to be 13) whose mother has full legal/physical custody with BD (my husband) granted 3 days/3 nights parenting time. I am considering filing for guardianship for the children here in the state of Minnesota. Sole custody was awarded to BM 7 years ago and since then the best interest of the children has been lost in the BM's hatred and resentment for my husband. Very dysfunctional homelife ever since for the kids and a father who has no say in their lives.

We have been advised by our attorney to wait until oldest is 14, for that is the age that is commonly recognized as mature enough to speak to the court their wish for their primary residence/parent. Oldest child is begging to live with us full-time and we don't want to screw up the possibility of changing custody next year through a modification of custody motion by filing for guardianship.

Input anyone? Thank you!

Hi Burbankstepmom. I've had the same problems this year regarding schooling. Last year, My SD(14 years old) grades were slipping her 8th grade year. She's normally a A+ student and her grades slipped to C and D+. The BM is very lenient with her and lets her do whatever she wants. Let's her walk to the mall by herself, attend parties, hangs out with the wrong people, and shop instead of doing her homework. She has no boundaries at her mother's house.
My husband and I have enrolled on internet access from the school to monitor her progress the 9th grade year. I have emailed the teachers about her progress and got alot of feedback from them. We communicated with SD to make sure she knows we are watching her. Her grades are now B's. SD told her mom that I was contacting the teachers...she freaken and started contacting the teachers as well. When enrollment for 10th grade came up, I've asked my husband if I could go since I've put alot of efforts to get SD back on track. And most of the teachers know me through the emails I've sent. BM freaked out and threaten to reduce his parenting time if I was present. She ended up emailing all the teachers and had her lawyer write a letter stating the I didn't have any biological rights to have any information of their daughter. On top of that lied to the teacher about me being a homewrecker when in reality ....I met my now husband after he filed for divorce. I still continue to write the emails. My husband and I have continued to go together at different times to parent conferences. I'm sure the school is use to managing difficult divorce situation as this one and will accomodate. Most school will have 2 progress forms (for each ex), different times so that the ex's don't have to interact with each other. If your husband has 50% custody....you can contact the schools to arrange different hours to meet with the teachers to avoid any conflicts. This is what we are doing and is working out well so far. Good luck...don't give up....and don't let her control you.

Under the US FERPA law, schools are required to share information with the bio-parents unless one bio-parent has sole legal custody. FERPA also enables a bio-parent to block access of their child's private information from third parties to include sparents. You are not married to dad so it would be like giving access to any unrelated 3rd party just because they wanted it.

I am a custodial sm to 3 one of which is a 17 year old high school senior. It is dh's sole responsibility to ensure his child is doing what she should in school. I do not attend any PT conferences or private meetings. I do attend back-to-school nights and other events that are open to the public. Likewise, my dh or my exh's ligf do not attend conferences for my ds. I can't imagine why any one would want to attend such a thing for children they are not responsible for.