I really am at a loss for what to say. It does seem strage to me just becasue I would never feel comfortable rubbing my dads anything...... But some families are much more open. I remember being totally freak out when I first met my hubby. He still lived with his parents and one time I got their before he had showered. So he took a quick one and came out of the bathroom butt naked in front of BOTH his parents. He was like 18 at the time. And I was just really flabergasted.

Well, my SD has a huge problem w/ boundaries, too. She has showered in my master shower the minute we moved into our new home - before I ever showered in there. And, the bathroom lacks privacy - lots of clear glass, etc. She has also walked around in a towel that didn't cover near enough as far as I was concerned, and when I was cosleeping w/ our newborn (our first son, 7 yrs. ago, she was 17), I used the guest room of our old house which is where she usually stayed. She popped in and I said, "Oh, let me gather up a few things and I'll go back to my room for the weekend. I just try to let your dad get sleep during these early weeks when the baby is up so much." Her response, "Oh, don't bother, I can sleep w/ dad." I was stunned. I'm sure my DH would not have shared a bed w/ his 17 y.o. DD, but I was still shocked that any girl over the age of 10 would even suggest such a thing.

Like the other poster, I am not used to some people's comfort levels w/ nudity or massaging.

That being said, is your DH suffering from any back ailment? Is this truly a full-bodied massage or more of a back rub? I could see the back rub if he had aches and pains. But, every once in a great while, DH and I go for massages to a spa and our favorite masseuse is just great. But, she's a little too thorough for our liking, lol. We afterwards joke about her touching parts inadvertantly we only want one another to touch! It's all very innocent and she is great at what she does, but full bodied massages to brush by private areas and I certainly would not be comfortable giving one to my father or having my SD give one to my DH! I think it's highly inappropriate!

About your love life - is it beyond repair? Try to communicate to one another. We also go through bad periods and communication breaks down, the love life ceases to exist, etc. It's a vicious circle.

If this massage takes place, are you in the room? Is it done in the living room? There are many great therapeutic results from massage, but if you aren't comfortable w/ her giving it, suggest you treat your DH to one at a spa by someone else!

Dana

It's not the line everybody uses on their psychotherapist! LOL I really do have a friend who has been taking anti-depressants for years and he also started using Viagra in his mid-30's. It was crushing to his ego at first, but his boyfriend never found out (told you it wasn't DH ) and in the end, it improved his self-esteem DRAMATICALLY. It's an unfortunate, but VERY common side-effect of AD's, but they really can be lifesavers and so necessary.

Blueberry's Baby

Becci, I have an 18yrs old bio daughter who lives with me and her soon to be step dad. It is very important to have strict boundaries around these relationships right from the beginning. Bio-D and Step-Dad get along great but I would never allow this type of contact between them. A hug, a kiss on cheek is fine and that is ALL.

I think it's great if hubby is trying to be supportive to her, but my opinion is a back rub to get in some practive hours is fine, but giving your own father a full body massage kinda sends up red flags for me. I understand she might feel like she's not the love of her Daddy's life, but maybe they need to sit and have a lil chat about how he'll always love her and she'll always be his 'little girl', but when it comes to full body massages or showering in YOUR master bedroom...that's a lack of respect for you and your relationship. Don't let her push you around, she's 'not the boss of you'. LOL Good luck!

I think also that a full bodied massage by his own daughter is just strange, and you should definitely not tolerate it. Tell him that you're sure he doesn't have anything inappropriate in his thoughts about her, but it still makes you feel uncomfortable.

My SD came into our room while we were still in bed and stood in front of H and I in only a pair of underwear and a little tank top. She is 18 and still walking around in front of her dad in her underwear, and I'm very uncomfortable with it. Before I moved in he would tell me on the phone, "oh it was so sweet, SD wanted to sleep with me last night, or SS slept with me last night" they were 13 and 15. The boy is still sleeping in the bed with his mom when he stays with her. And SD will swim in our pool in only the skimpiest bikinis or sometimes even bras and underwear,in front of her dad, brother, and my son. Knowing her, I'm sure she's been in there naked a couple of times as well. And she walks around in shorts that she had when she was 13- she was already big then, but by now they go way up her butt with everything hanging out the back.

My H gave my SD full access to the master bedroom/bath before I ever moved in, and never kicked her out when I did. He says that she doesn't have enough room, and needs to use it...and she walks in when I'm using the shower/toilet, etc.
I locked the door last time, and she came to the door pretending to be crying as if it were an emergency, so I got a towel and let her in, where she proceeded to do her makeup.

Oh this goes past safe boundaries. Back rub, fine but that's it. Sounds like my husband's family thinking all things are acceptable. Hold your ground with the boundaries for proper touching, this should not be happening.

Sounds like a Lolita thing to me.

NO

this is very sick. a full body massage from a daughter? i am sorry but this is too close for comfort.

one of my sds is a beautician and she was giving her father a haircut in the kitchen. i was in the house and watched when i entered the room. sds shouted, so you just wanna sit and stare? mind you she was living under our roof at the time.

then she started manscaping him! she used the razor the trip the hair on his neck and back over his shoulder blades. sd had no boyfriends in spite of her so called charms and was using her father as a social outlet. shed drop hints about going out on rides with him in his sportscar. i am sure when they went driving it looked like an older man and his mistress the way she was hugging all over him!

i agree that a back massage from a professional might be ok from a family member but a full body massage for ones father is out.