I need some advice
I have a real problem and I'm hoping for some helpful advice. I just don't even like my SD anymore. She's 8. She has taken things from me and my kids, every word that she says is a lie. She has stolen from stores, I don't like to take her shopping because I don't want to be embarassed by her stealing something. Everything that she does results in a mess. My 3 year old was painting and then SD said "I want to paint too" I thought that was a great idea, by the time she was done she had paint on the floor, walls, sink, fridge. My 3 year old doesn't do this, I wouldn't expect an 8 year old too. I feel like it's all I do when she's there is clean up her mess. My BF and I got into an arguement because he picked her up and brought her to our house and then proceeded to go and have a nap while I followed her around and cleaned up her mess. I have 2 kids (7 and 3) and I work full time. I simply refuse to clean up after another child but yet I really have no choice unless I want to live in a pig pen. My BF says "her mom is a pig, that's the problem, you won't be able to stop her from messing". I think she's old enought to understand that we don't make a mess at "daddy's" house. I swear she does it just to agravate me. She throws garbage out in the yard and makes a mess in the bathroom, even leaving poopy toilet paper in the garbage can for us all to look at, I'm not sure why she doesn't flush it. Yuck! I know the easy solution would be to move out but she is only there 8 days a month and I love my BF. Does any one have any suggestions. Oh, one last thing, my BF is in a wheelchair, he is very capable of anything anyone else can do but he really can't scrub the floor, that's why I cleaned up the paint mess. Sometimes I do think he uses this as an excuse not to help, he also works full time and is a very nice guy. When it comes to SD he lets her do whatever she wants as long as she is leaving him alone, he really doesn't care.When I mention that he has a job to raise her to be self suffient and a good adult he just says "she wasn't planned" Grrrr, he really is not a good parent, however, to my kids he's just like a dad, when they're naughty, he sends them to their room or to time out. I am concerned that SD will end up in trouble with the law (her brother is in jail at 16 for car theft, he has a different dad) I just don't see how she can turn into a productive adult if no one is making her have any consequences for her actions.
Well if you are the one
Who is taking care of her all the time. Then you should have all rights to discipline her and teach her. Is it that she is just a brat and doing all this stuff, or truly does it seem like she does not know. I am not saying that it is ok at all but if her mother is a pig as the dad says then... you can kinda see how. As her step mom and obviously her primary caregiver at your home maybe sit down and talk with her about things. Ask her when you are doing dishes to help and ask her to help clean there fore you are teaching her. It sounds to me like this little girl has it pretty rough, her mom is a pig, her 16 yr old brother is in jail probably because of his upbringing so this little girl only has a slim chance at a decent life and honey its you and you only. But I would tell husband that he needs to stop his naps and teach his daughter with you. His responsibility whether she was planned or not is still there. She is here now and instead of using that excuse take responsibility for getting his "Willy" wet without protection. it is what it is today.
Best of luck. I hope you can find it in your heart to help her.. I know easier said then done..
Happy
" make sure you tell the people you love most EVERYDAY.. Its important not only for them to know but for you to tell.. Life is to short to be miserable..
I agree with Happy, My BF x
I agree with Happy, My BF x is a total pig, And when I got with My BF I could NOT tolerate how they lived.
I had to retrian, A clean home " whats that" ....He did not have that. Being a total slob and pig was of the norm for him and his children( I am talking about PIG and COMPLETE lazyness errr)
Like me.. You have to reprogram the mind set,It comes down to them breaking old habbits, So make new ones for her.
I think happy is so right, have her do house chores with you, Tell her a clean home is a happy home!
And then tell her daddy there to cut the naps and participate, That regaurdless if his daughter was unplanned its still his job to see that she functions in a normal manner. That you refuse to let her come over and be a pig and he needs to set a better example for his daughter by intiating cleaness.
My brother is in a
My brother is in a wheelchair. He lives alone and has his son every other weekend.
He didn't plan on his son and is not the best father in the world but he is responsible in every way he needs to be.
He cooks, cleans(even his floors), works, goes to school, plays on wheelchair sports teams, walks his dog, and most importantly...when his son is there he disciplines, takes care of his needs and interacts with him as a father and son should.
There is no excuse whatsoever for your husband to not be caring for his daughter...even if she wasn't planned....you might want to point out to him that she knows and feels that she is unwanted by his behavior towards her...if he doesn't want her around then quit pretending and hurting everyone in the process.
Don't allow yourself to be walked all over anymore, you don't deserve it and the kids shouldn't be shown that disrespect of you.
Good Luck...be strong...God Bless
Lisa Dawn
NO WAY....
First, your husband needs to get his ass up out of that bed and get with the program. He needs to either take responsibility, or leave her at home. Isn’t the whole point of Possessory Conservatorship for the purpose of parent - child interaction and for the benefit of the parent-child relationship??? Embarrassingly, he’s put you in the uncomfortable position of having to TELL him the purpose of visitation and remind him that he is the “parent” portion of the “parent – child” relationship.
Next, you are not his (or Princess Pig Pen’s) slave. You are not required or obligated to clean up all of the messes which you describe. Stop doing it. Now. Remember, we teach people how to treat us. One of the reasons why your husband does this is because he thinks it is acceptable. If we don’t express to others what is acceptable and what is not, then people treat us as though there are no boundaries.
I would make SURE dad KNEW that as long as Princess Pig Pen was there, that he was going to be up, and awake, and cleaning, and interacting and being a dad. And if he tried to lay down to take a nap, I would wake him up again… Darling…. Your daughter’s hungry… Your daughter left a mess in the kitchen that you need to clean up… Your daughter left poop in the bathroom……You daughter needs a bath…
I would also explain that although you absolutely adore Princess Pig Pen, that your hands are full with the two kids that you currently have and ARE responsible for. My situation was very similar, although my own “Darling NumNutts” was always interacting with them and cooking and cleaning and doing their laundry and cleaning up their messes. The problem, is that there are 3 of them, and only 1 of him. (And I had already refused to spend my weekends chasing kids.)
After many miserable weekends with them, I gathered the nerve and made the STRONG suggestion to my “Darling NumNutts” that during his periods of weekend possession, if he couldn’t control their behavior any better than he had in the past, which left us ALL totally miserable and exhausted, that it would be best if he exercised his visitation in a Motel 6, rather than here, where they always into things, and breaking my kids’ toys. And, just for effect, I had produced a printed list of about 60 hotels and motels in a 100 mile radius, complete with addresses, phone numbers and room rates. I was DEAD SERIOUS and he knew it.
Lastly, we established a set of rules in our house and they are followed by ALL the kids equally. And that’s the way it should be. Kids learn by consequences. If they make a mess, they clean it up.
I don’t know what the deal is with the poopy toilet paper in the trash can – but you’re right. It’s nasty. It might be that her toilet at home is often clogged and she is forbidden to flush toilet paper for fear of a plumbing back-up. Nevertheless, the more she does this and gets away with it (same concept on the dad) the harder it is going to be to change her behavior.
That’s your home. Take control.
Let us know how everthing works out. Good luck!
Tootsie
"You gonna skin that smoke wagon, ‘er just stand there and bleed?"
The wicked step mother MUHAHAHA
Plain and simple, the child is a guest in your home. A visitor has to use manners, no matter the age. Manners, hygiene and cleanliness can be learned but if you try to teach the child when the parents are neglecting their duty, you will most likely end up in my shoes with the kids hating you. YOU WICKED WITCH ! lol.
Seriously, the father should be the one pulling his finger out and trying something. I would suggest subtleness would be the way to begin. Men somehow think that we should just click into step motherhood when infact they really have no idea. We are their support. Don't let him take you for granted.