Called MOM with no Bio kids
Hello,
I am new to this site but it seemed like a place where I can get some advice. I am in a very serious relationship and have been for 2 yrs. My BF has 3 kids. 2 from and ex-wife and one that was from an ex-girl on accident. He has full custody of the youngest and 50/50 of the oldest 2 which are from his ex-wife. i have literally been around for the youngest since she was born( I was at the hospital). She calls me mom and the other 2 call me Mama Lindsay.
My biggest problem, which i dont know if I should just ignore or not, is that the youngest's bio mom is never around(7 hours in Sept.) and she says that I should not allow the child to call me mom. Is she right or should I just let the child(20 mo) call me what she wants to call me? By the way neither me nor my BF ever called me mom to her before she did it.
i think it's neat
that the little one calls you mom. You ARE her mom. How in the world does she expect you to explain to a 20 month old not to call you mom? I think it would just confuse her. Being called Mom is an honor, and you have earned it by being there since day 1.
If she wants to be called mom...
If she wants to be called mom then she should start acting like one...7 hours in a month for a baby?! Give me a break! The child is only doing what comes natural based on her reality...don't you just love the brutal honesty of children?!
Make a GREAT Day!
I'm called Mom too
When my dh and I married his five year old son decided on the day of our ceramony that he wanted to call me MOM. My husband and I never talked to him about it and never made reference to him calling me MOM, he just decided it on his own. He has called me Mom ever since, he is now 11 years old. Not to say that biomom did not have a problem with this, but he made an agreement with her that when she is around, he would not refer to me as Mom. Instead, he calls me nothing at those times. He says that he is uncomfortable calling me anything but Mom, and that he does not want to call me by my first name. He still struggles with it because biomom continues to tell him that she is unhappy with it, but he ultimately made his decision despite her complaints. I have always told him that he could call me anything that he wanted and I would be happy no matter what.
In your case the child is so young, Nise is right, she is doing what comes natural. She loves you and seems to need a mother in her life, good for you...
It is such an honour ot be
It is such an honour to be called mom and it sounds like you have earned it.
My dear SD can't even call me step mom (as a reference only), she calls me by my first name all the time. The ex and her mother are extremely insecure.
Children are wise and can figure it out on their own if the grown ups let them
Out of the mouths of babes...
A truer statement was never made, huh? I am sure most stepmom's that post on this site will tell you how truly blessed you are. While stepmom's struggle with all issues of "real" moms, including but not limited it to: loving these children, cleaning up after them, caring for them when they are sick, taxi cabbing them all over the state, cooking, laudry, and of course loving their dad!! And he brings his own needs into their relationship! We won't list those here though! LOL!
My point was, although the "step" literally are expected to "step up" as a mom, they never seem to get the respect and consideration as us bio's do. Besides the needs of the children, they have ex wives, girlfriends and their husbands pasts to deal with. And yet when approached by a step child, they are regarded as "hey" or a first name. And I know some may not mind being called by their first names, they have earned to right to be called Mom.
Don't worry about the child's mom. 7 hours in September does not a MOM make!!
Janice
I would add...
I would add that it seems as though step moms are expected to step up while being stepped on!
let the child call you
let the child call you whatever she feels. you're the mother, you've raised this child and not the biomom. so what if she calls you mom.... tell biomom that child calls you mom cause you've been there for her and not her. just ignore what she says and go about your daily life and enjoy this child.
-happy mom
Thank You
Thank you everyone so much. I really appreciate all of your feed back even though I am not a "legal" SM. I am really glad that I found this site. It is nice to be able to talk to others and get advice from people that are in similar situations.
Again thanks to all that replied.
Mama Lindsay
The bio mom
is jealous. And the strange thing is she does not care for her as a bio mom should. So if this little girl is calling you mom its ok. She did it on her own and she obviously loves you and thinks you are her mom, in which case it seems to me that you are the mom and the other woman is just the birth canal.. So be honored.. You are doing something wonderful.
Does she pay CP?
Giving birth didn't make me a mother, it was raising the children. She doesn't sound very maternal. Does she pay CP? If not, I would pursue getting her to pay something and then if/when you marry BF, maybe you could adopt the child.
~ Anne ~