I am really glad I found this site.

After growing up in a blended family which was extremely hard, My step-mother was a complete bitch and I am sure I was a bitch right back to her. I truly sit back in amazement of how her and my father pulled it off. Now I understand. Through the years we have worked on our relationship and she is now one of my best friends. I am now going to be getting married to a wonderful man who has three really amazing children. The kids seem to be doing great! The oldest, he is about to turn 15, (J) she is 11, and (E) he is 8.
But I do not think they realize just how hard this will be for them.
We have had our wedding date planned for the past three months. And the kids are really excited. However-- H.(the oldest) is seeing a psychiatrist(due to his withdrawl from school activities, smoking pot a few times and on goings with him never feeling good.
His father and I attend sessions in order to make sure we know how to best be there for him emotionallly, physically and mentally.
Two months ago the doctor recommend that we not get married b/c H. was having a most difficult time. After we all met a few times the doctor agreed that it would be in H.'s best interest that we do get married.
Then he stated that he really does not need anymore change at present time after we get married.
Now here is were it gets good. The first of July--His mother(38) annouces that she is getting married to her boyfriend(26) three wee ks before our wedding date. They met on line (through her ever public blog site in March)------The kids are going back to school this next month. Their father is getting remarried. Now their mother is getting remarried. Their mother and her fiance just bought a house that they will be moving into at the first of the month of Sept.
And the kids are "fine", "I am good.", "everything is ok."
I am hearing all of these things. But the truth is I am not seeing it. Actions speak louder than words. But is this the right assumption? I do not know. I am just going with my gut instinct.
I just know that when my parents got remarried, it was fun at first. Then it was not fun for several years after that. I am the only one out of the ex-wife, her soon to be husband, and my soon to be husband that has never been married before, (yes, did I mention the 26 year old just got his divorce finalize the first of May) and that has grown up in a blended family. I truly do not think that anyone knows how hard this will be on the kids...........
I am scared for them. The only thing I know to do is listen, and talk with them on a continued basis.
The ex-wife has her own very public blog site. She is an advocate for breastfeeding and for attachment parenting. (She has written a book on the subject). She writes about C. (my soon to be husband) and myself on certain occasions. And she allows horrible things to be written about him by her public for the children to see.
He is an amazing father! Hence one of the reasons I love this man so.
When their divorce was almost final he started dating someone and then she wanted him back. He said no. After several attempts (on his part)to get back with her before that were shot down. And for the last four years she has written several public blogs, articles about how he cheated on her. This was just not the case. So every once in a while she will write something about him. And her "public" who do not even know him or the truth. Slam him on her blog.
He has asked her several times to not allow this b/c the children read it and it upsets them. That is what they say to us and when they come home they ask about it. She then goes off in a tangent about how he/we are trying to censor or take away her freedom of speech. That is not what we intend to do. If we had a blog(which we dont) we would never allow someone to bash her b/c she is the kids mother. No matter if we agree with what the public writes or not. We just ask the same in return. She is a small public figure in the small town we live in and she has even put her new house on her blog for the world to see (address # and street name) This is a concern. Not to mention her posting numerous pictures of the kids and what they are doing. The kids tell us that they do not like it when she does this. But she says that she asks them about it and they say they don't care. They tell her one thing and us something completely different.
And thus it starts. They are kids. They are not going to tell all of us the same thing. We get that.
As you all can probably tell I am at a loss..........I am frustrated and pissed off.
I am trying to do the best I can with this woman. But she is a narcissitic, borderline, highly functional type.
Thank you for this web site. Any words of wisdom would be so helpful.
I know the most important guideline- Never say a negative thing about their mother in front of the kid. I try to put myself in their shoes on a continue basis. I have been there and continue to still go through it with my mother and stepmother.
I just need to hear what others are going through................
Again thank you for this site.