I'm not even sure how I stumbled across this site, but Wow! what a great site! I just discovered it two days ago and have spent hours reading all of your blogs. This site has been such a breath of fresh air to me knowing that I am not alone in the day to day struggle of being a stepmother. Though I am not without my own issues and struggles, I am certainly counting my blessings! My husband and I have been married for nearly two years. I have a SS who is 12 and a SD who is 11. They are 11 months apart. My husband and I have been together for 4 years so the kids were 7 & 8 when we met. My SS and I hit it off immediately and have a great relationship. He's a great kid, he's funny, easygoing. My SD on the other hand has always been very quiet, and quite a loner. She has ADHD and also has been dealing with another issue known as Selective Mutism, which I had never heard of before. It's as though she has this fear of speaking to anyone outside of the family. When we go out to restaurants and the waitress asks her what she would like to drink she would look at one of us expecting us to answer for her. Over the years she has gotten better about this.Recently, she was placed in a gifted program. She is very intellegent but is very, very immature for her age. She is in 5th grade but acts more like a 2nd or 3rd grader. We got along for the most part until this past summer. She seems to take major attitude with me and has gotten very short with me and has even rolled her eyes at me. I look at my SS in amazement and as if to ask "What is that all about?". Apparently, he says she is the same way with her BM. My SD (I Feel) has been babied and sheltered. Now I think she is just spoiled. To the point that she still walks around with her stuffed rabbit and takes him places with her. She talkes to him in the car and will even strap him in with the seat belt. My SS on the other hand seems to be very mature for his age. I understand a mothers desire to want to shelter and protect her children but too much "babying" is not healthy. (just my opinion of course)I was really having some serious problems with her there for a while but the last couple of visits have been ok. I suppose, since she is 11, her hormones could be wreaking havic on her body. I was 10 when I started my period. Maybe that's something that is right around the corner for her, I don't know. To my knowledge it hasn't yet happened. My SD and I have alot of issues and many struggles though.

AS for the EX, well again, I am counting my blessings. I can honestly say she is a very good mother (aside from babying too much). We get along decently well, or atleast we are civil to one another. If she doesn't like me, she doesn't show it. She has always been very respectful. We are both studying to be teachers, so I would hope the both of us would be mature enough to handle the situation. She is remarried. She remarried before my husband and I married. Since this is very long I won't go into many details but she has done somethings that really upset and bother me. I often times feel excluded and left out. I often don't even feel like a stepmother, but more as a woman who just happens to be around when the kids are here, or a babysitter when my husband is at work on Saturdays. Their BM and I don't communicate hardly at all. She does all her communicating through my husband. She doesn't call the house much. I suspect she calls his cell or calls him at work so that she can talk to him while I am not around. How often this happens, I don't know. I do wish I could be included more. Sometimes I feel completely insignificant when it comes to the kids lives. The biggest struggle is this fear deep inside me that because my husband and I won't be having any children of our own that I won't share the special bond that he and his ex wife do. Therefore, does that make me less important or less of a wife than the first because we don't share that bond? Though I know I shouldn't be, I am very insecure when it comes to the ex wife. And it's because of the kids and knowing they share that mutual bond between them. That's something I know he and I will never share in. And I shouldn't feel that way. My husband is very loving toward me and does nothing but try to please me. It's very evident he is very much in love with me. However, thanks to an emotionally abusive mother of my own, I suffer from horrible insecurities. He knows this and tries to be understanding but it's hard for him and he doesn't see a need for me to be insecure when it comes to him.
Does anyone else suffer from this??? I'll end here for tonight.