I'm 34 and my stepkids are 13 and 9. I was married before but did not feel ready for kids of my own in my 20's preferring to focus on my career and enjoy the "finer" things in life - now I'm remarried with a ready made family. In an ideal situation for me my current husband would have no children and yes we'd be thinking about starting a family of our own but because we do have children and they are more than a handful (both have ADHD) I am very reluctant to bring another child into the mix not because I don't want to because I do but more because I think it would create so much more additional stress and to be honest we're in a volatile enough situation. I just don't think it would be fair to my perspective child. My husband really isn't fussed on having more kids anyway, he will if I want to but who wants to have a child with someone who's only willing to have the child to make you happy. If it doesn't happen for us in the next 2 years it won't ever happen cos I don't want to be in my 50's and dealing with the same teenage traumas etc etc etc i'm dealing with now. Unless my husband were to change his mind and want another child for his own reasons it's unlikely we'll have any. I do wonder whether I'll resent him for that as I get older because if he weren't around I believe my stepchildren would not be around either. We get on ok, the kids and I, but it's more because we have to than because we want to.

I don't think that I ever planned on having kids of my own. Given that, I still kept it as a possibility down the road. I too, went to college and focused on my degree. I didn't even meet my husband until I was 30. We talked about having more kids before we even got married. I told him that it wasn't really my plan too have my own but the more I fell in love with him, my mind started to change just a little. I was on the fence. I wanted to know, however, if he wanted more because he didn't have the whole "good" baby experience with biomom, if you know what I mean. He said that he was fine with just having stepson. I think we left it at kind of a maybe. However, as I got more involved in the situation with biomom and stepson(who is also ADHD) my stress levels really started to build. Somewhere along the line I decided that I didn't think that I could handle a baby and stepson no matter how much my husband said he would help out!

Now I am 38. My husband has changed his mind and would like to have another child the right way, as he has said. Where he/she would have a "normal" family and not have to grow up like stepson. I feel bad. I wish that I could just agree and jump in without thinking but darn it, I over think everything! I just can't see it being a good thing. I kind of like things how they are now. I guess I am too set it my ways.

I hope he can understand how I feel.

Dawn

I have epilepsy, and due to the type of anticonvulsant I was on, a central nervous system depressant, it would be a bad mix. It would be bad for the fetus if I continued to take my medication, especially durring the first trimester. Without my medication I could seizure severly and miscarry.

Now I didn't go out there trying to find a man with children of his own. I'm just happy that it worked out that way.

We have talked about having a baby recently. Of course this will have to come after we get married, which is a few years down the road. When I first became involved with my BF he wasn't sure if he wanted to get married again or have anymore children. He got married in his early 20's and had a child soon after (23). He turns thirty this year but says that he wants to have children with me.
I don't regret not having children as young as he did because I feel like he really missed out on having fun and traveling in his twenties. Also, I think a lot of divorces arise from these high school relationships. People get so serious very young before they are able to really find out who they are and what they want in life. Then, they end up having children and staying in a marriage that is not happy until one person finally decides they want out.
So, I am glad that I didn't have children very young because I don't regret the experiences I have had. When I do decide to settle down and get married, I know we will both know who we are and what we want in life. My only concern are the risks in having a child after 30 and if I may have difficulties conceiving.

that I was pregnant and miscarried last year and I suppose the fall out from that has made me weary also of trying again. We hadn't planned the pregnancy and I was shocked but came round to a positive way of thinking. Well as I got on board with it and started to think about different things my husband started to say things I didn't like hearing - e.g. I'd day is it's a boy maybe we could call him after you and my husband would say "oh that wouldn't be fair to SS" then i'd say maybe we could call him after your favourite sportsstar "oh, that wouldn't be fair to SS" and he told his mom 2 seconds after we told her that I was pregnant "it's so important that my 2 kids know they are and always will be special" well I was hurt because even though he and I may have had a child together I would still have treated his kids how I always treated them and why wasn't our child together "special" It was a very difficult time for us and I saw a side to him I had never seen before and I think it may have put me off just that little bit more because I started to worry when he said he'd have to make it up to his kids cos they'd only live with us part of the time whereas our child would be here all the time - well why wouldn't he treat all his kids equally - would mine be treated less because he was overcompensating for his existing 2 - the dynamics of these situations always blow my mind. Oh how I long for a traditional family some days.

You have a very good perspective on this. Very well put and something I shall bear in mind when I'm having "one of those days" Sometimes it's easy to think about only what's good in the situation we long for and as with most things there's always positive and negative.

When my husband and I started talking about getting married, it was a condition that we have children of our own. At the time, we were splitting custody and I wanted to be a "mom" in my own right. The constant one upsmanship of the kids biomom is a bit wearing. We have had three wonderful children since then which has indeed been my savior on some days. I should note, however, that we had not planned on getting (quite suddenly and without advance discussion) full custody of my sk. The balancing act is a daily challenge since I am now a full time mother to my sk and biokids. The sk at times resent that their biomom is not the one at every important event in their lives although as they get older, that frustration has been less directed at me. My biochildren have been a demonstration of the innocence of youth when the sk's have been particularly difficult. My bio kids may run into some of the same difficulties and will probably make foolish choices as teens (who among us didn't), but I will not have to answer to anyone else on my parenting style nor justify why I should be acknowleged for my role in their lives.
Each individual must evaluate how much you can handle. Bio children can be a blessing and salvation or they can push you to the brink depending on age differences with sk and the behavior of sk. ALthough some of my days recently have been closer to the brink, I would not give up my biokids or sk for anything.

I am 29 with 2 Step Kids. I am an only child and have grown up always wanting my own bio children...that was, until my partners kids moved in. I have now changed my mind an unfortunately due to my experience with them have no real desire to have kids. My partner is 15yrs older than me too and does not really want anymore children either (I think he finds the 2 he has enough to deal with). To be honest, it may be selfish, but I am looking forward to the day when my parter and I are just a couple again without the responsibilities of children. Unfortunately our financial situation is aso not ideal to bring another child into our family. That said, if I had not had this experience, I definitely would have had my own children. I also worry that years down the track I may start to resent my partner and his children for making me not feel the need for my own children - but that is a risk I am willing to take for love. I would never let my partners kids get in between my relationship with him - no matter how much pressure or strain they add to our relationship.

I am 36 now and my fiance has made it pretty clear that he does not want anymore children. He has 4 from his previous marriage. Ages 6 to 17. He, like some of the men I read above, would allow me to have one or adopt one as long as I was the sole provider. He would be "doing it for me." How unspecial!

Also, I am very selfish with my time, and think that if I had one right now, I would be doing so just so I didn't wake up one day and regret not having one. That is the wrong reason.

This does make me think about how I will not have anyone around to take care of me when I am older. I think of the things that I do for my mom and my grandmother. It makes me sad.

with your SK's and maybe they will look out for you later in life - I don't worry about it too much, I'll be 36 my next birthday and having kids of my own is now most likely not going to happen nor do I necessarily want it too. I sometimes think I'd like to because I'm curious as to how a child born of my hubby and I would turn out in comparison to my SK's but I also don't think I could handle it, I've enough on my plate and having a child is a decision best not made lightly.

My situation is just this... I am a 31 year old SM of a SD10 (no bio kids). When DH and I met. He had informed me that he had a vasectomy not long after his ex had his SD. So the likely hood of us having kids, while not out of the question, would be unlikely. We have looked into how much procedures would cost, and we just don't have the money. There have been times were he even asked me if I wanted to stay with him because of this... to which I said of course. I'm lucky because I my SD and I have a very close relationship. I would rather go without having bio kids and have SD & DH in my life, than to leave them just so I could have my own.

Yes, it does hurt a little when my siblings & friends kids... but then I remind myself of who I've got in my life (DH & SD) and that I can be the Auntie that fills my nieces and nephews up with sugar and sends them on home to mom & dad (jk lol).

It also helps that my family looks at SD as their own flesh and blood (even though she's not).

sorry should be *had SD (not had his SD)