I don't know your whole story, and sorry this upset you especially on a birthday. I just feel that schools have too much to worry about than how to pose every kid on the wrestling team. BM and DH are the parents and it does not mean they are married just because they are in a pic together. I also doubt the yearbook has enough space to have a separate pic for each parent.

It's shitty that this all came out during your birthday but I really wouldn't call the school. Your DH is an adult and if he didn't want to take the picture with BM, regardless of what the school might have been encouraging, then he would not have. I'm worried that calling the school will make you look bad.

I would let it go. Personally I hate my ex husband but he is our sons father. I would pose with him and our son for a year book picture, a wedding picture. It would not mean anything put we are the parents of our child.

I know this feels awful and you have taken 6 steps backwards. But this isn't all about you. This picture is about SS and the 2 people that made him. They are not celebrating 'family' (although if you are sensitive to the issue it could seen this way). They are celebrating "these kids got their skills from one of these 2 people."

Either DH didn't tell you because he fears your wrath or the issue isn't important to him.
If you want him to let you know about these things you have to make it easy for him to talk to you about it.
Him: "Sigh! I have to go and have a photo for the yearbook with SS, They want all parents there so BM will be there."
You: "Well that will be fun! LOL No handholding with BM now! Just don't talk to her too much or the next thing is you will be paying for the 3 of you to go to lunch."
Him: "Don't be stupid! I never do that!"
You: "Yes you do because you are a nice guy. So come home nice guy and see your nicer wife."

Trust me, I had to change my tune as well. It works.

It depends. When DH and I were first dating he did some crappy things being so concerned about BM and her happiness. As I had some bad experiences with exes and inappropriate behavior with their exes I was NOT happy. At that point I’d have had a sh*t fit if they’d had some group hug picture. I did have a fit when DH just stopped by to see her when SS hadn’t lived with her for years.

Now about a decade later I now have a longer and better relationships with DH than DH and BM ever had. I am quite secure now and probably wouldn’t care. Sort of a moot point anyway as BM’s DH keeps her on a tight leash.

Plus DH no longer goes on and on about how BM is really a good person after she hid OSS’s death until after the funeral. NO WAY any one can justify that. Although I expect Curious Georgetta will try.

It's unfortunate that this came up at your special birthday celebration. However, unless there's something I'm not aware of in your history, a student posing for a "recognition" photo with both his parents (divorced or otherwise) doesn't seem like a big deal. It happens at our high school for every senior night for every sports team and many other activities. I've seen many divorced parents pose for these pictures. Some kids include stepparents; most do not. This would not be my hill to die on (unless, of course, there's more to the story).

As long as DH didn't buy a copy to hang over the fireplace I wouldn't worry. Once summer break starts that yearbook won't be touched again for a decade or more most likely.

It sucks that this was at your bday and that DH didn't let you know. Hold DH accountable, not the school.

You need to let this go. You are blaming your dh for your emotional reaction... he is not responsible for your emotions, and you are waaay over reacting. If you feel this threatened by a photograph, then maybe it would be in your best interest to see a therapist on your own, without your dh.

As others have said you are giving this too much weight. This is one thing you need to let go.
There are many other ways that DH can prove your importance and the relationships importance to you.

When SD was in her last year of playing sports they had the parents and grandparents come onto the floor for a bit of a goodbye celebration, with a picture.

Some girls had everyone on the floor, parents, steps, grands, brothers, sisters. Others, like SD had only their mother and father.

I’ll admit I was miffed at first, I’d been to way more games than BM. I’d been the one who nursed her after her two concussions. But in the end it was such a small thing and it was about SD, not me.
She doesn’t play happy family and she knows her Father and I are a forever thing. BMs BF at the time wasn’t there and SD didn’t want to make BM feel uncomfortable being alone while I was there with DH.
I’m fine with that, it’s such a small part of our life together.

Since when are parents in yearbooks. It is their sons accomplishment... I wouldn't be in the picture on that issue alone.

It is a picture of a child, with his two parents. Unless the two parents are shown with their arms around each other and kissing, what's the problem? People in a picture together does not necessarily mean "one family".

Why would you not feel secure in your relationship because of this? Must be something else going on.

Your making too much out of this. The photo doesn't mean that mom and dad are together. It means they are both their supporting their son as they should be. It's great that they can be civil enough to give him a few moments for a picture to be taken.

So what's your issue? It's a few seconds and a single photo. Is your relationship so unsteady that this is that big of an attack on it. Do you think your partners going to dump you to go back to his ex? Are you scared that at the banquet they were playing footsie and slipped into a bathroom to get it on? Seriously it's a dinner and a photo. It only means as much as you put into it and I understand why your partner didn't tell you. You're going overboard.

On top of this why weren't you at the dinner? If your so worried about appearances maybe you should have been there. Or did the kid not want you there? I could see why. Throwing a fit over a photo. You need to grow up and grow a thicker skin.

When the kid get's married do you expect him to bar his mother from the wedding. Heaven forbid the people who made the child be together in a photo celebrating the kid.

I would be more upset cause DH did not tell me about it himself then the actual picture.... and then I would be pissed off cause DH could not take a stand and say, sorry we are divorced, I'm re married and out of respect for my new wife there will be no family pictures.

Aergia tried very hard to get her parents back together, she's still trying but I ignore, she always wanted her parents with her at school functions, I was told I'm not welcome, she always wanted a photo with her, Dad and Mum... SO always agreed till I flipped one day and said enough... do it and I'm walking... SO tried to tell me but that's what by daughter wants, I looked at him and said, you daft bloody idiot, she wants you and BM back together, she posts these photo's on social media and pretends you are still a little family, and you keep her in this make believe world, it's been 17 years divorced... you are not a family anymore, you will only be a family if you and BM get back together, no eff off back to BM, that's what your daughter wants, I'm out..

SO thought about it and stopped it immediately...

When my SS played sports, they had "senior night"... where the player and parents were recognized. I didn't participate for a couple of reasons...
1) I'm not SS's parent. DH and BM are. and 2) the team always does a "Mom" gift and a "Dad" gift that the player gives to them. the team would go broke if everyone got gifts. Each senior had a professional photo of him with his parents.

I guess I never viewed it as "one big happy family" since I knew that about 70% of the players came from divorced homes and didn't have the steps trailing along.

Besides, I'd choose not to be in a picture with BM if given the choice. If it was extremely important to SS (which is wasn't because that was back in the day when I wasn't a person, I was just an inconvenience) then I'd think twice. but I recognize that regardless of anything else, DH and BM ARE the parents... divorce doesn't change that.