When Stepkids Brag
I get home from the grocery store and DH rushes over to tell me something. He says, "SS just told me that BM got a promotion to managing and now she makes 10% more." I think he was upset or expected me to be upset. I said, "I don't care, because in my world she doesn't exist, so she can make whatever she wants."
I then reminded him though that he should ignore any future threats from her that she's going to request more child support. She usually does this as an attempt to get DH to pay for things that should already be covered by child support. I told DH, let her threaten that because if she wants to go for a mod, you could end up paying less. I already knew that she was making more than she claimed she was when they divorced (when she was working for herself and was cooking the books so she could pay fewer taxes, hence the large debt to the IRS).
I also wanted to say, "good, maybe now she can pay off the $50k she owes to the IRS."
I think DH should be more angry that now that she has an employer she's actually paying off all of her taxes. When they were married, his entire $60k inheritance, several second mortgages, and $12k from his post-divorce pay were used to cover tax debt for her businesses because even though she makes her living as a CPA, she didn't pay one penny of tax throughout the year. She had to find an employer when she got booted off of DH's health insurance, because her current husband's "job" is selling get rich quick schemes on the internet, which does not provide health insurance.
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Your ex sounds like the BM in
Your ex sounds like the BM in my life. She's Money Bags Magee when it comes to buying status symbol items, but becomes a pauper as soon as it's time to buy things like clothes for the kids.
I'm sure if he hasn't gotten one already, her husband will have a new car soon enough. He had an old beater when he met her. Now he drives her father's old car and I'm sure now with her new found wealth, he'll buy some luxury vehicle they can't afford. DH kept a lot of paperwork from when they were married, so I know how the collections agencies came calling when they were making nearly $200k between the two of them. I'm not expecting her to all of a sudden become a responsible spender just because she got a raise. I also have no intention of covering things she couldn't be bothered to contribute to, like cars for my SSs or anything more than our proportion of the contribution for higher ed.
That’s how BM is here, too.
That’s how BM is here, too.
Leases a BMW @ $500/mo. Hair, nails, eyelashes done weekly. Designer bags. Before getting together with her current fiancé, she’d fly out to see her boy toy, who was in college, every other month.
But, no. Oh no could she be bothered to buy Skid new items for her school uniform. She sent her in shoes too small, in stained clothes with holes - because she knew DH wouldn’t have it and would go out and replace her entire wardrobe for private school.
That sucks to hear, I'm
That sucks to hear, I'm sure...especially when you know how the finances where handled in the past. I think it's OK to be annoyed; but remember that you can not change another person or how they handle $. It also, is not worth your time to dwell on it.
I think it's OK for the SS to feel like they can share what info they want. I think we all have difficultly at times...to remember not to talk badly about the child's parents. I found out that my SS's Mom got a job. My initial thought is 'about damn time...haven't had one in 15yrs' but instead, I just say 'That's great' & ask how he feels about it/how does it affect him (hours alone, how does he like that, how does he spend his time, etc). Even if SS was bragging, just keep it light & move the topic of conversation to a constructive one. All easier said than done 'in the moment'.
I’m not concerned about how
I’m not concerned about how BM spends money and now I hope DH will feel confidant in giving him to her demands for more from him.
Whenever my SSS mention their mother, I give them a vague positive affirmation and keep it moving. I know she’s their mother and no matter what she does, they will likely never realize that she’s a manipulative liar. I don’t feel the need to clue them in. Just focus on being myself and not letting anything about her change the way I behave.
Oh for Pete's sake. How
Oh for Pete's sake. How pathetic is your BM?
Not the same thing at all...but I remember YSD when she was younger telling me about a 'funny dream' she'd had. In this dream, I had made a big pile of money...like, a literal pile, and DH and I were keeping it all in a wheelbarrow we could push around. Then, she said her mom showed up in the dream and said: "I want some of that money, TwoOfUs & DH!"
I just remember thinking that her 'funny dream' was my waking nightmare...BM was always asking us for extra help with a dozen little things a year that should be covered by CS, and we pretty much always said yes. Super glad we're 6 months away from being done with CS forever.
She’s pretty pathetic. Two
She’s pretty pathetic. Two years ago, DH got in a car accident, he wasn’t hurt, but his car was so old that it was totaled. BM kept calling him to find out what kind of car he was getting because she’d “heard” from the kids that he was “buying a Lexus.” Um, a) none of her business what type of car her ex husband is buying and b) he bought another old beater. She also wanted DH to tell him where we were buying a house, so they could “tell the boys together” where DH and I were moving. I think she also wanted to know how much we paid for it. She makes well into the six figures, but can’t buy her own house because she owes so much to the IRS that she’d never get a mortgage.
What a nut job. Our BM is
What a nut job.
Our BM is just chaotic and lazy...would rather ask us or DH's parents for money than figure out how to budget or how to make more. Because uterus / kids. She has an MA and teaches...so her salary is published. I know what she makes, what she gets from us, and roughly how much she would get back in taxes since she gets to deduct all three kids. I also know what DH's parents provide for the kids and the extras we do. I honestly don't know why she's always poor-mouthing it. Kind of drives me insane.
I hear you on the house and car stuff, though. Any time DH and I are able to update our home or buy anything (like we've been doing lately), I pretty much expect to hear from BM with another money beg. Makes me sick.
Sounds like the Girhippo.
Sounds like the Girhippo. When Chef was married to the vile beast, he paid off all of her student loans by working 3 jobs. Then paid for her orthodonture as well! She was 21 at the time they were married.
My husband's ex wife is
My husband's ex wife is constantly texting us to let us know that the step kids told her what we recently bought/spent money on.
We can't go out to eat without hearing about it from her.
Sorry, not sorry. She chose to drop out of college. She chose to ruin her life with drugs. She chose to ruin her marriage. She chooses to mooch off of welfare, child support, and whatever new sucker she's moved in with.
My husband and I both work full time. I'm a teacher. I bought a new mattress because my old one was so bad I would wake up crying from back pain...imagine waking up like that every day then going on to teach 6th graders.
Right after we bought that mattress, she filed for an increase in child support. Guess what? The AG came back saying they found insufficient evidence to support an increase.
Ha. Ha.